No, Your Man And Your Ex Can’t Be Friends. Here’s Why
If you were with someone for a very long time and things ended on good terms, it can feel quite sad to just sever ties. That person became a part of your family, he got to know all of your quirks, likes, and dislikes, he was with you through hard times and good times, and for a while, he was your best friend. You have inside jokes together. You hated and loved the same friends. You had traditions. So once you break up all of that just…goes away? Well, it doesn’t necessarily have to go away when you break up. But it sort of does have to go away when you get into a serious relationship with somebody new. So if you have a new boyfriend and don’t want to let go of your friend with your ex, you might be thinking, “Maybe I can get the two to meet! They’ll hit it off! Then I can have everything I want.” Nuh-uh. Doesn’t work that way. Your partner and your ex will never like each other and here is why.
They’ve both had sex with you
Two men who have both had sex with you just cannot like each other. It makes their skin crawl to be around one another. Your boyfriend won’t even notice what a nice, funny guy your ex is—he’ll be too busy picturing him having sex with you.
The inside jokes
Your partner will hate the inside jokes you and your ex have, and you have a lot. You’ll constantly have to stop and explain your little language to your new boyfriend, which will make him feel terribly left out.
You’ve told your boyfriend the bad stuff
You’ve probably told your current boyfriend some of the bad things your ex did. Sure, you still want to be friends with your ex, but that doesn’t mean he never messed up or that you didn’t tell your new boo about those mess-ups. So your partner is set up to dislike your ex, based on your stories.
When your ex dates someone new
When your ex starts dating someone new then you have two people who need to be okay with exes hanging out: your partner, and your ex’s new partner. It’s very unlikely that your ex’s new girlfriend will want to hang out with you. So there goes that.
They’ve both had sex with you
Hi, did I mention that they’ve both been inside you? This warrants two mentions. Men are biologically predisposed to hate other men who’ve had sex with their partners. In caveman days, men had to be ultra protective of the women with whom they’d mated, because if somebody else got in there, there was no way of knowing who the father was in the event of a pregnancy. I’m telling you, it’s a major problem.
Your man will hate that your parents like your ex
If you bring your boyfriend and your ex around your parents, and your boyfriend sees how well your ex gets along with your parents, this will cause a problem. Your boyfriend will probably feel like your parents wish you were still with the ex…Even if your parents adore your current boyfriend, it’ll just mess with his head to see them laughing and smiling with your ex.
It’s embarrassing for your partner
It’s honestly just embarrassing for your partner to have to tell his friends that he is friends with your ex. It’s bad for his ego. Even if he doesn’t really see anything wrong with it and he likes your ex, he’ll hate explaining the situation to his friends. He will be judged.
He can’t complain to your ex about you
What topic do friends often talk about? Their relationships. But your boyfriend can’t really talk to your ex about his relationship with you—from the fights to the sex—because it’s weird. It feels oddly disloyal.
Your partner will always wonder why…
Your new boyfriend can’t help but wonder why you want your ex in your life. Yes, you were friends before you dated him. Yes, you have common friends. And yes, you get along great but…can’t you just be friends with somebody else?!
The history will always be a problem
The ex will always have known you longer than your boyfriend does. It’s just how time works. And this will always make your partner jealous—it’s a race he just can’t win.
Your man will hate that your friends like your ex
If you think it will bother your boyfriend to see how much your family likes your ex, just wait until he sees how much your friends like him. Your new partner has probably been trying very hard to make inroads with your friends, and then your ex just glides in, high fiving and joking with everybody.
Your partner will compare himself to your ex
Your boyfriend will compare himself to your ex like crazy. He’ll wonder if your ex is better than him in some ways and if he notices ways, he’ll drive himself nuts wondering if you’ll notice, too. Even if your partner is clearly better for you than your ex, your boyfriend might judge you for having been with your ex.
Your partner might take your ex’s side
Uh oh…after hearing your side of the story regarding the breakup, and getting to know your ex, your partner might take your ex’s side. Don’t assume you get to win in this situation. Your boyfriend might start to see things your ex’s way and he might turn on you!
This is really only beneficial to you
It’s rather selfish, actually, to expect to be able to be friends with your ex and have a new boyfriend and have the two of them hang out. You’re the only one fully enjoying this interaction.
You just can’t have your cake and eat it too. With your ex.
Would you like to be friends with your boyfriend’s ex? Really? Think about that for a second. There was a time when he had sex with that woman and thought he’d spend his life with her. There was a time he spoke to her in a baby voice and called her “Sweetheart.” It makes your blood boil, doesn’t it? So how come you think you can put your boyfriend through that?