He’s clearly into you; your chemistry is explosive and your time together has ’till death do you part’ written all over it. You may even live together and have done the dog thing to get your “child” rearing basics up to snuff. All the numbers line up: friends, family, values and yet, he still hasn’t popped the question. It’s no secret you want to make this official. You’ve had conversations and he’s been receptive. So what’s the problem?
While I hesitate to call these reasons “good” at least you can understand where he’s coming from. It makes the hold-up more palatable and buys you a little time before you hit a wall and do something drastic like drop an ultimatum or worse–pop the question yourself.
Your support and understanding of these reasons can be effective in helping him take positive steps forward…to the altar.
His Parent’s Didn’t Make It
If your hubby-to-be has divorced parents, it may have affected him deeper than even he realizes. Whether it happened when he was a child or as an adult, it may have shaken his faith in marriage altogether. He needs to deal with those issues of uncertainty towards marriage. No doubt, this is a tough one to get around and ultimately, he will have to man up. But the first step is acknowledging the hang up, then purposefully moving toward a resolution.
He Has Goals to Accomplish
You’re the kind of woman that knows what she wants out of life and that includes a certain type of man-preferably one with ambitions all his own. It’s not that marriage isn’t on his radar, there are just a few things that come first in his ideal before he can take the leap. Maybe he needs to get to a satisfactory level in his career, make partner or live on his own for a while. A man needs to feel he can make his way in this world on his own first. Period.
“I Turned Out Fine”
It always goes back to the parents somehow, particularly where marriage is concerned. Even if his parents are happily together to this day, they may not have ever officially tied the knot. This will lead your man to ponder what the big deal is. After all, his parents never got married and he turned out just fine. But if you’re not going out like that, then you have to make it clear that you’re looking for a more traditional partnership and children out of wedlock is not an option. If he doesn’t want to lose you, he’ll make it happen…eventually.
He’s Not Ready to Have Kids
If you’re a traditionalist and really on top of birth control, kids come after marriage. The glove comes off once a ring slips on that finger and that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid. Unless you’re in a rush, it’s never hurts to enjoy being a married couple sans-child for a spell. Start having that conversation and assure him that kids can come later but a ring needs to be coming any day now.
He Needs Better Role Models
All your friends are engaged, married or shacking up and all of his friends are still partying in Vegas. The last thing he’s thinking about is getting married if most of his peers are still happily single. The two of you may need to find a neutral (not your friends and not his) mix of people that are on the track you hope to be on.
He’s Not Financially Secure
A man’s confidence and sense of self-worth is often tied to his bank account. A strong cash flow puts his swagger on a hundred, thousand, million. Once he makes bank, he’ll start to feel like the only thing missing is a queen to share it all with. If he hasn’t hit that pinnacle, then he’s apt to hold out until things are “stable.” This isn’t a bad thing because it means he’s thinking about your financial security as well but the reality is, he may never be as rich as he always envisioned. That’s something he needs to accept but not necessarily a message you want to deliver.
“Why Change a Good Thing?”
With the divorce rate being what it is, plenty of people suspect that the institution of marriage, or at least our expectations toward it, are the problem. If you’ve been together for a while and things are great he may be thinking, “do we really need to get married?” The truth is he is worried that the act of getting married will somehow change things for the worse. If your answer to that question is a resounding “yes,” then you obviously have to make it known. But you also have to be prepared to walk if he has no intentions of taking the plunge.
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