Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He Says He Won’t Have Sex With Me Until I Lose Weight

February 11, 2015  |  
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Alawanda: I’m becoming more conscious and awake. My beliefs have changed alot, extremely pro black, black love, he takes it as racism. I trying to deprogram what has been brainwashed in my head for generations. Yes we are married. He is semi conscious should I keep my views to myself?

DY: You don’t have to see eye to eye with everything with your spouse. But, what’s the point of being married to someone if you can’t talk to them and be honest with how you feel about things?

Tonya: My boyfriend is trying to find a job and I getting tired of paying for everything I love him but I am tired and I know he is trying HELP

DY: What exactly do you want me to help you with? I can’t find your bf a job, and I’m not going to be paying for your dinners. Anyway, exactly how has he been out of work, what type of work is he looking for, and how is he looking for it? (Your answers to these questions will help me determine an answer for yours.)

Kerrie: What is the worst relationship advice you’ve ever been given?

DY: Date White girls

Jane: My boyfriend and I love being around each other but we dont have a lot in common. Is that a red flag?

DY: If you love being around each other, you obviously have something very important in common.

Helena: Do you believe the 7 women to 1 man theory? Men always say this to me and they really believe this!

DY: I think some people should have stayed awake in math class

Amber: I have a friend who is messing with a guy thats in the service..he’s all about eating healthy & getting in shape…they have been intimate before but now he wont mess with her unless she loses weight & gets in shape?? Is he ashamed of how she looks or does he just really want her to be healthy??

DY: There’s a difference between saying “Hey, I think we should both try to have a better, healthier lifestyle” and “Yeah…I’m not seeing you again until you lose some of that gut.” Your friend needs to forget about this dude.

Crystal: He cheated on me in the past, but through prayer, counseling, and our willingness to work, we moved passed it. I finally forgive him, and things have been great. However, sometimes I have feeling like things aren’t changed, and I am just lying to myself. I guess, am I allowing my insecurities to ruin my relationship?

DY: Cheating can be a traumatic experience. Even if you’ve both taken steps to get past it, it may still take a while for you (and him) to truly put it in your past. But, let’s be clear. It’s not your insecurities that are affecting the relationship. Its the effect his cheating had on your relationship that’s affecting the relationship. Basically, don’t blame yourself.

Precious: Is it normal for your boyfriend to keep quiet for a week and yet he claims that he loves you?

DY: He didn’t say a word to anyone for an entire week? Is your bf a monk?

Gina: So the dude I was seeing wanted a “break.” But he continues to call and text to “check up on me.” I’m like dude Free Yourself! *in my Fantasia voice* How do I move on when I feel like he’s not allowing me to?

DY: Unless he’s physically holding you back, no one can stop you from moving on. You can choose to not answer his calls/texts, etc.


Jessica: Should I deal with dating a guy who has a child? He’s also mentioned that he may have a second child but he’s not sure if the child is his. I’m not sure if I should run or work it out? We’ve been dating for about 6 months and he has yet to tell the mother of his child about our relationship.

DY: Nothing wrong with dating a man (or woman) with a kid. But, there is something fishy about someone unsure of how many kids he has.






Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at   

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