Remember when you thought sex was going to be just like it is on TV? You know, dim lights, a canopy bed surrounded by candles and rose petals, a perfectly well endowed and proportionate man hitting all the right spots every single time you’re in the throes of passion. Well, in real life, there’s no saxophone music playing in the background or and carefully placed sheets — just a lot of fun punctuated by some really awkward moments…like these.
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Queefing
OMG what was that noise? It was you, it came from there and now you’re having trouble looking him in the eye. Don’t worry, queefing happens to everyone (yes, everyone. We promise.) Just pretend that gushy, farting sound didn’t happen and keep right on… uh, trucking. Trust us, you’re far more concerned about that sensation than he is. In fact, he probably didn’t even hear it over the moans and groans and headboard action.
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The Slip-Off
He pulls out, it stays in. Get ready for the most uncomfortable game of Go Fish you’ve ever played in your life.
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The Misfire
His rythm is right on point, then he pulls out too far and misses. It’s awkward, it’s painful and it can even break his penis.
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The Puddle
The first time it happens, you immediately think “OMG did I pee?” But while female ejaculation can involve a lot of liquid, it’s just not the same thing.
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The Walk In
If only “getting busy” and “getting your own place” happened at the same time. Get ready to avoid eye contact for the long term.
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Failure To Launch
It really has happened to most guys at one time or another. Unfortunately, there’s no way to say that without sounding super condescending.
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Saying Someone Else’s Name
It’s not just for cheaters. Sometimes you can let slip that you were fantasizing about someone else. Unless you’re super smooth: Oh Joh–hovah that’s great.
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Wrong Hole
Sometimes it really is an accident.
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Reaching The Finish Line Too Soon
If it makes men feel any better, it’s just as awkward for us as it is for them.
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When Aunt Flo Arrives Early
You thought you had a few more days before you had to close up shop. But when he turns the lights back on, it looks like a crime scene… Sorry?
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Suggestion Rejection
Things are heated all the way up, you throw out a suggestion for something kinky and it stops things right in their tracks. There’s no more embarrassing time to find out that you’re not at the same speed.
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Saying “I Love You”
You got carried away in the moment and it just slipped out. The only thing worse than following that with an awkward silence is hearing “I love you too.”
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Falling Off The Bed
It’s just what happens when you start playing around with advanced moves. Time to put the comforter on the floor.
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Farting
It might be natural, but nothing kills the mood quicker.
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Unidentified Smells
Is it you? Is it him? And why didn’t anyone tell you that sex could be smelly business?
The good news is that you can relax, most of those odors are just par for the course.
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