First thing’s first if you’ve ever had to attempted to dismiss one of your cartoon crushes, know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to question your sexuality or worry that you’re abnormal. Cartoon crushes are a thing. Google it. I’ve
rationalized found that when we find ourselves digging a fictional, animated character it probably has more to do with the very well personified, human characteristics we’ve assigned to that character. They have like a good vibe, that we wish we could find in real life people. In some cases we forget we’re watching a cartoon and in some cases the drawings are just…hot. There’s no other way to explain it. I know some of you have had crushes on people you just couldn’t explain, nor did you want to. And that can include the animated. So I’m sure some of you think I’m crazy, and that’s cool. But for the rest of you, follow me through this slideshow while I tell y’all what I’m talking about.
Max from a Goofy Movie
I’ve mentioned Max before but it bares repeating. When I look back on A Goofy Movie today, I realize that Max was terribly impatient with his father Goofy and a bit self absorbed, like all teenagers; but still, his quest–and it was a full out adventure– to win Roxeanne’s affections were admirable and sweet in a middle school crush you can’t quite express type of way. He was sweet and unrelenting. Those are some good qualities. And his voice, done by Jason Marsde, who has done quite a lot of voiceover work, only added to the appeal.
Simba from The Lion King
I know I wasn’t the only one who found myself a bit taken when we watch the “Hakuna Matata” montage where SImba transformed from a little cub into a full grown lion in front of our very eyes. I can’t lie–and you shouldn’t either– Simba was too cute. And when he manned up and decided to go avenge his father and fight Scar? Yes. That brute aggression was everything.
Powerline from A Goofy Movie
It was no coincidence that all the little girl dogs were so in love with Powerline. It was pretty plain to see that he was Disney’s animated, dog version of a 1990’s Bobby Brown. I mean, Powerline came complete with the tight stage outfit, a very textured and asymmetrical hair cut and the moves to boot. Plus his singing voice was Tevin Campbell and you know how the girlies in real life loved them some Tevin.
I’ll be the first to admit that Arnold is not cute in the traditional sense. But I like his personality a lot. He was always so kind, unless you pushed him too far. Then he wouldn’t back away from standing up for himself or others. Remember that time he had to fight Harold in the street, after school and he pretended to be crazy? (“Don’t hit me. I’ll hit me! I’m crazy!”) Lol Good ole Arnold. If Helga hadn’t of been so mean to him and scared to express her feelings, the two of them could have ended up together long before they ultimately did. He was the epitome of a nice guy and even as a kid I found myself watching the show wishing the boys in my school were more like that football-headed one.
Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid
No one wanted Prince Eric and Ariel to kiss more than me, even if I wished I were Ariel in those scenarios. With his rippling muscles and jet black hair and light blue eyes, Eric was too fine.
To this day, Aladdin with his perfectly brown skin, is the closest thing we have to a Black, Disney prince. Sure, Aladdin didn’t have a whole lot going for him and he turned out to be a bit of a liar but nobody’s perfect. Plus he had a good heart and it didn’t hurt that we spent a majority of the movie looking at his perfectly drawn six pack. And I’ve loved Scott Weigner since he played DJ’s boyfriend, Steve, on “Full House.” Would it have been better for Disney to cast actors with Middle Eastern accents or backgrounds for this role? Sure that would have been the more authentic and moral thing to do; but back in the ’90’s diversity was a new word, a very new word to the Disney machine. In fact, they’re still working to define it properly today, I’m sure. And actually, now that I look at Aladdin and Eric next to each other, it’s clear that he’s just a darker version of Eric, with wider eyes and longer hair.
O’Malley from The Aristocats
Fellas if you ever find that your mack game is slipping, and a lot of yours ARE, you can always take some pointers from O’Malley in The Aristocats. Now, I know some of you don’t have that same deep and gravely voice but pay special attention how O’Malley showed Dutchess something new. He broadened her perspective, showed her adventure, protected her and her children and even took her to a nice jazz jam session. Of course she had to take him home. And just because it’s awesome, I’ve included the “Everybody Wants to be a Cat” video. I don’t even like cats in real life but this movie had me ready to switch teams.
MC Skat Kat in Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” video
Everybody loves a man who can dance, rap and sing. Even if that man is MC Skat Kat. If we’re being completely honest, it was good that he was there to distract us from the glaring fact that Paula Abdul just really couldn’t sing.
Vince LaSalle from “Recess”
If you’re into the athletic cool type, then Vince LaSalle is that dude. But Vince was more than just good on the court. He was known to stand up to people who tried to pick on his friends and he was T.J.’s right hand man. And there’s no denying that T.J. was a cool kid. And according to Vince’s Disney Wiki page, even his creators said Vince was the most attractive of the gang.
Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
No need to question your sexuality or anything. It’s no secret that Jessica Rabbit oozes sex appeal. And even if you didn’t like her like her, you had to admit that she had an alluring quality. Men, both animated and real. want to be with her and real women want to be like her. How many Jessica Rabbit costumes do you see at Halloween? And furthermore, how many women are trying (and most likely failing) to turn themselves into the real life version of this sex pot character?
Li Shang from Mulan
Baby… If you ask me, Mulan is one highly slept on Disney movie. Not only is it a great story, we can’t neglect the fact that Mulan took home one of the ultimate prizes when she returned to her village, bringing honor to her family and ancestors and also winning this fine man Li Shang. Don’t sleep Li Shang is fine as hell.