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Have you ever noticed that the day you swear off men, the day you decide to dedicate all your attention to your career/social life/whatever—men come swarming to you? It’s not bad luck. And it’s not just you. There’s a psychology behind men being attracted to women who aren’t into dating. Let us break it down for you.

There is ultimately no risk of commitment

Why is it that when you’re dating a guy he holds back on the cute stuff? Why do most guys take things slowly in the romantic gestures department? Because they know most women who do want a relationship will read any romantic or cute gesture as a sign that that guy is ready to commit. If you use reverse psychology on that situation, then it makes sense why when a woman explicitly says she doesn’t want a relationship, a man will go all out with the gifts/gestures/compliments etc—there is no risk of a commitment. It’s subconscious, but many men love a woman who has no interest in a relationship, because they can play Romeo, and there will be no consequences.

 

There’s no risk of failing

Women who do want relationships tend to go overboard with the giving: giving of their time, giving of affection, giving of compliments, giving of gifts and so on. They can be so giving that the men they date end up feeling that no matter how hard they try, they’ll fail in comparison. But a woman who doesn’t want anything from a man, is the easiest one to please. And men like to feel like they’ve succeeded at pleasing you.

You’re super into yourself

Act like you’re worthy of love and people will love you. Typically when a woman isn’t into dating it’s because she’s consciously working on herself—improving herself, going after her goals, making herself happy. And that self love is so attractive to men.

They get to call the shots

Men can’t stand knowing someone is waiting for them to call or waiting to see them. It takes some of the fun away for it when they finally do call and ask a woman out: they can’t help but feel they’re doing it partially out of obligation. But a woman who doesn’t even want a relationship is not waiting for that call. So a man gets to feel that when he does call her, it is his decision. It’s not out of guilt or obligation.

There’s no questioning your feelings for them

Men are wary that a lot of women just want a boyfriend and any boyfriend will do. But everybody wants to feel unique. Everyone wants to feel that they earned a person’s affection because of who they uniquely are, and not just because they filled a role. If a man can win over a woman who really wasn’t looking to be with anyone, there’s no questioning her feelings for him.

There’s no questioning your motives

There’s just one thing scarier to men than a woman with an eye for an insta-husband: a gold digger! Men constantly have to worry that women may just be after them for their money. Even if they’re not wealthy, women could still be looking for “security” in them. There’s no risk of that with a woman who is trying to stay single!

They don’t have to take on your problems

Even if a man can get a woman who claims she doesn’t want to date, to go on a few dates with him, she isn’t going to completely let him in. Translation: she isn’t going to want his help with her own issues. She’s trying to remain independent. And men love that. They get to enjoy all the benefits of being with a woman, without having to take on any of her drama or her personal life! It’s extremely immature, but it’s a reality.

They don’t have to coordinate schedules

A hard-to-get woman is like a toy: men can play with her on the weekends, and put her away in a little box during the week. If a woman won’t concede to be a man’s girlfriend, he certainly doesn’t have to coordinate schedules with her, going over to her place late night after work, or picking her up on the other side of town. Nope: he gets to do his own thing during the week, and then pursue again when he has the energy.

You call him on his BS

Deep down, men love a woman who calls out all his flaws, and will only accept the best. They like to know they’re with a woman who will keep them in check. They spent the first part of their lives in this type of a relationship with a woman—their mom. A woman who wants to be left alone has no qualms telling a man exactly how he’s falling short of her standards. And that’s a major turn on for men.

They don’t have to meet your friends

If a woman is trying to make it clear that this is not a relationship, she’s not going to bring a man to meet her friends. And that means way less work for the man. He can just persuade the woman to be in his life, with no expectations of being an integral part of hers.

You leave his phone alone

It drives men nuts when you call and text all the time. But you know what drives them even more nuts? Getting zero calls or texts. Since it’s drilled into their brains that women call and text incessantly, when a woman doesn’t text, men immediately think, “Well…is it something about me?” and then that ever-alluring challenge kicks in—the challenge to make her want to call.

They can be romantic and it’s “cool”

When a man does romantic things for his girlfriend, he’s sort of viewed as “whipped” by his friends. But when a man makes grand romantic gestures in the name of “scoring,” his friends egg him on. And secretly, men like an excuse to be romantic.

They can always date someone else

At any given point, should a man meet someone else he’s more interested in, he doesn’t have to worry about breaking the heart of a woman who wasn’t interested in anything serious, anyways.

The dating part is fun

When dating a woman who isn’t looking for a relationship, rarely will men find themselves sitting on a couch, eating takeout and watching a movie with her. That’s too “couply” an activity. Women who want to remain single invite men out to bars, or out to parties—things men love to do, and usually feel they’re missing out on when in a real relationship.

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