Consider Yourself Warned: 8 Signs You’re Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man

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Trying to build a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person can be an extremely draining and frustrating experience. Although there are many who attempt to tear down the walls in an effort to win the heart of their emotionally unavailable love interest, most fail and wind up with their hearts broken in the process. At times, the signs of a person struggling with these emotional issues can be pretty apparent. Other times, they can be masked and mistaken for something else. Are you unsure if the guy you’re seeing is emotionally unavailable? Check out these signs and hopefully you’ll be able to come to an accurate conclusion.

He’s difficult to catch up with

Have you ever dated a guy where it was almost impossible to consistently get in contact with him? There will be one week where you two speak every night for hours on end and then he doesn’t return any of your calls or text messages for the following month? Was he always canceling plans last minute? According to a 2011 mental health article featured on, the emotionally unavailable are more than likely physically unavailable to the people in their lives as well.

He’s unreliable

Is he one of those wishy washy people who you are learning that you can’t rely on for anything. Are you realizing that his word means almost nothing? Does he promise to help you  move or give you a lift when your car is in the shop, but when the time comes he’s nowhere to be found. Does he agree to attend functions or outings with you and then turn around and do a no-show? The emotionally unavailable sometimes find it hard to be there for others, especially in their times of need.

He refuses to talk about his feelings

Granted, most men aren’t jumping at the opportunity to bare their souls to you. It’s just not how they’re wired. However, it is abnormal when he never shares what he is feeling. If after months and months of dating he’s still throwing walls up and shutting you out when it comes to his feelings and even seems to get a little irritated or uncomfortable when you choose to share yours, chances are he’s emotionally unavailable.

He rarely shares anything about his past 

Is your guy like the mystery man who seems like he came out of nowhere? Do you frequently ask yourself why you don’t know much about him or where he came from? What are his parents like? What kind of childhood did he have? If you have been seeing your guy for awhile and still don’t know the answer to basic questions about who he is, chances are something is up.

He avoids discussing your relationship

Does he tense up whenever you’re looking to discuss the relationship and the direction that it is going in? Is it almost impossible to get him to open up about his intentions and where he would like to see you two in the future. Does he have a hard time maturely discussing or addressing issues that concern you or even him regarding your relationship? His failure to communicate could be a sign of his emotional unavailability.

He gives up once you give in 

In a very interesting article featured on, author Ben Wils shared that in some cases, emotionally unavailable men will stop pursuing a woman once she gives in and let’s him know that she’s interested. He went on to share: “Emotionally unavailable men have a push-pull strategy. They tend to pursue you hard toward the beginning. But once you let them know they’ve won you over, they pull away and often disappear for a week or two. If he has a consistent pattern of disappearing, this is a serious red flag.”

He shows no interest in getting to know your family

Meeting the family is a pretty huge step in romantic relationships. It’s a step that says “I believe that we have potential and I trust you enough to introduce you to the people who mean the most to me.” If you’ve been dating a guy for a substantial amount of time and he still seems pretty reluctant about meeting your family or allowing you to meet his, relationship experts suggest that this is a sign of emotional unavailability.

He pretty much tells you he’s not ready

When a woman is interested in a man, she is tempted to rationalize any and all of his actions to fit in with her wants. For example, when a man tells her he isn’t ready to be in a relationship, shouldn’t that explain everything? Nope, because she thinks his actions say otherwise. She thinks she can change him to want to be in a relationship. One golden standard that you should always enforce in dating is this: make sure his actions and his words match up. If they don’t, he’s emotionally unavailable.

Jazmine Denise is a freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

All photos are courtesy of Shutterstock

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