Garcelle Beauvais Explains How She Got Over Her Husband Cheating — Besides Sending That Angry Email To His Colleagues

July 30, 2012  |  

Garcelle Beauvais did not take her husband’s infidelity well when she found out he was cheating two years ago. Rather than handle the matter privately at home, she sent a scathing email to his colleagues at Creative Artists Agency, where her now ex-husband,  Michael Nilon, works, which started out, “Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon, what do they have in common … I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some sl*t in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!”

Yeah.

Not many women could blame Garcelle for her anger but she definitely went down in the Hall of Fame of revenge-seeking women with that move. Now, two years later she claims to have put all that bitterness behind her. And in her celebrity baby blog on People.com, the now single mother explained how she got past her husband’s betrayal. Here are some highlights from her post:

In 2010, I had everything I had always wanted. I had been happily married to my husband for nearly a decade. Because we had struggled with infertility for several years, we had a profound appreciation for our adorable twin sons, Jax and Jaid.

I was watching an entertainment show about Sandra Bullock and her unfaithful husband, and I thought, “How did she not know?” Well, it happens. In fact, it happened to me. And I had absolutely no idea.

You see, I thought I had won the lotto in husbands. Caring? Check. Attentive? Check. Loyal? Well, un-check.

It only took one text message to change my life. That’s when I discovered my loving husband had been unfaithful. His infidelities ended our marriage.

The shock was like a freight train hitting me. The pain was unimaginable. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to exit my body like a character in a cartoon.

I had so many questions. What happens next? Do I stay for the sake of the kids? Do I stay because, well, that’s what some women do? And oh my God, what do I do with all of this anger?

This wasn’t my first rodeo. Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to divorce. My parents split up when I was 3 years old, and I lived with my mother. (In those days, you lived with one parent, and I didn’t see my dad throughout most of my childhood.)

Then, my first marriage to Oliver’s father didn’t work out. But I still clung to my dream of having an intact family. I wanted it more than anything.

I realized part of my self-esteem was tied to being a wife. But ultimately, I made the decision to leave my marriage. It was especially tough because I adored the idea of a whole family — but I love my children way more than I hate his betrayal….

 

It hasn’t been easy. I repeat — not easy. And I admit that at first, my rage threatened to break my spirit. You may have heard about the angry email I fired off to some of his colleagues and friends of ours. (I did it hours after I found out the truth, and I never expected it to leak to the press. But in the digital age, I guess nothing is private. Lesson learned.)

After that, strangers — women and even some men — approached me in public. They told me I was so strong. But I didn’t want to hear that I was strong because I felt like it negated my pain. And pain overwhelmed me.

Adultery is the ultimate deal-breaker for me. I would rather be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t honor me. My mom had taught me to be strong. I come from a long line of women who can hold a grudge — and if my ex and I didn’t have children together, he would be dead to me! I joke, but this was one dysfunctional family tradition I had the power to break….

 

With time, I have learned to peacefully and actively co-parent for the sake of our sons. It helps that my ex is a very loving and devoted dad. We share custody 50/50, and that was a real struggle for me. I adore my boys and want to see their sweet faces every day.

One day, Jaid said to me, “Mommy, when I’m with Daddy, I miss you, and when I’m with you, I miss Daddy.” It broke my heart. That’s why we spend time jointly with our boys.

We throw them birthday parties together. We both go to their karate lessons and soccer games.(Now we even sit next to each other — something I wasn’t able to do when things first fell apart. You see? Progress!)

It can take years to recover from a divorce. I still have times when I struggle with the hurt of everything that happened. But my kids are my reason for working so hard to get to the other side of this. They inspire me every day.

My ex and I put our boys first. When you have a lot of love from both of your parents, you feel confident. We’re both there for them. When I look at the boys, I know they’re okay and that’s the most important thing. They’re okay.

I hope that other moms out there who are coping with a similar situation are finding peace and enjoying their children.

Garcelle also talked about the books that helped her get through her divorce, like Sue Monk Kidd’s When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life’s Sacred Questions, Linda Salazar’s Awaken the Genie Within, and Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship. 

Check out more of her post on People.com. What do you think about what she said?

Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.

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