Don’t Get It Twisted: 7 Big Misconceptions About Virgins

March 26, 2012  |  
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As if dating wasn’t interesting enough, imagine the look on a guy’s face when a sistah breaks this news to him: “I’m a virgin.” The reaction given is usually similar to the one given when a person (to be specific, black person) says they’ve never seen The Color Purple (say WHAAAAAAAAT!?). Yeah, in their face, it’s like they’re reaching for the right thing to say, but the fact that they’re stunned keeps them pretty speechless. You actually can find a much worse reaction when you tell other women about your virgin status. They’re initially pretty confused or say “awwwwww” (like you’re a bunny)  and then play like it’s all good: “But seriously, that’s awesome!” However, we know inside they’re all thinking, “That couldn’t be me…”

In a society that is driven by sex, to claim yourself one of the few people around who passes on doing it comes with a lot of side eyes and misconceptions. I thought I’d take a moment to clear a few of these things up.

You’re a Prude-ish Ice Queen

No worries, if you talk about sex, we won’t hiss like a cat at the concept. And if you touch us in the club, we probably won’t scream, but you might get the crazy face. The misconception that because you haven’t actually engaged in sex means that you’re NOT sexual is pretty ridiculous. Missy once said it best: “Have you ever been in the mind of a virgin? It gets hot and curious…”Assuming folks don’t look at guys in a “I’m low-key undressing you with my eyes” type of way or get tempted when dating one is not right. Virgins can be very sexual people, they just haven’t given “it” up yet. Don’t get it twisted boo.

That Every Virgin Is Waiting Until Marriage

Every virgin is different. While one might be holding on to their virginity for religious reasons and indeed want to wait until marriage, others might be opting out of getting it in because they’re waiting for “that” special person or a “right” time. You hear enough stories about people regretting who they gave their virginity to and saying it was horrible and hey, sometimes that makes you want to wait a bit longer. And also, some might know themselves and their emotions and think that if they have sex, they could get too attached to the guy they laid down with (aka, crazy). Best to just wait for the right one and not the one who will be too done with you right after…

That You’re Desperate

With that, I’d also like to acknowledge the perception that virgins are desperate. I’ve seen enough comedies to know that virgins are looked at as the drunk chicks at the bar trying to throw their V-card on to someone. Anyone for that matter. I’m sure there are a few who get to a certain age or point and want to be anything but a virgin, but a lot of us are pretty cool with things the way they are. When it’s time, you’ll know, so until then, I think I’ll keep my panties on instead of trying to throw them at the first guy who gives me the eye because I want to be “normal.” Whatever that means…

You Don’t Talk About Sex

Friends and associates shouldn’t feel like they have to be mum around you about their exploits just because you aren’t having sex. Just because someone is a virgin doesn’t mean they are blind to the fact that sex is everywhere: in every song, every movie, in every ad and more, so if you want to talk about, let’s talk about it! Most of my friends aren’t virgins, but they know they can talk to me about anything (including scandalous ish with sordid details) if and when they need to. Virgins are still very capable of being an ear open to friends who want to brag or talk about sexual issues, and we’re pretty capable of doing so without judging. So people, don’t feel like you have to ask to talk about the topic before every conversation. If it makes that virgin uncomfortable, I’m pretty sure they’ll let you know. Do you boo boo…DO YOU!

You Haven’t Experienced ANYTHING

While you may have not engaged in sexual intercourse, that doesn’t mean a virgin hasn’t engaged in other sexual activities. Seriously. Some do…”take care of themselves” if you know what I mean, and others do everything BUT sex (but then again, that depends on what you classify as sex too). That pretty much plays into why I said that virgins can be sexual people. We might not be ready to go to THAT point with someone yet, but that doesn’t mean some of us haven’t tried our hand at a sexual foreplay or own a toy or two…

That You’re Not REAL a Woman…(whatever that means)

No one has ever said this to me, but someone told me that this is said often to her. Comments that claim we aren’t really living until we’ve had sex are pretty random and sound like this: “When you get some, you won’t be worried about ___.” “She just needs some d*** and she won’t act like that.” Oh, okay then, thanks for setting me straight. Say, what you want, but if you’re paying your own bills and living on your own, I’d say you’re a pretty real, non-Pinocchio-esque woman.

That Virgins “Look” A Certain Way

“You don’t look like a virgin.” Say what? I guess because you choose to wear skinny jeans, tight tops and show a little leg from time to time you just look like you’re down for whatever. Not true. Just as it isn’t true that virgins have a certain nerdy or “stay away from me” look. I’m assuming people think that we like to be covered up from head to toe, shop for turtlenecks all year round and don’t like going out. And on top of that, that we’re either really angry, really funny looking, or don’t know how to be social creatures (we must keep to ourselves).  Once again, every virgin is different, and there’s no set look or behavior that classifies us all. Like most stereotypes, ones for virgins don’t apply to everyone.

What are misconceptions you often hear about virgins?

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