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I’ve been in some bad relationships—some I would even call toxic. And then I’ve been in some fully functioning, happy and healthy ones. And the major differences I saw between the two were these:

Getting mad (at him)

You shouldn’t fear letting your man know when he’s upset you. So many women are afraid to bring up an issue because the guy either punishes them by saying, “You’re being dramatic” (if he doesn’t just straight up leave) or he completely goes on the defensive, making the issue ten times worse. Women can get pushed into a place of never expressing their thoughts about the relationship, for fear that it will make them more distant from their man, when that type of communication should make them closer.

Getting mad (at others)

Are you not a totally demure, rolls with the punches, never complains type of woman? Good! They’re boring! But some women don’t want to Itchbay out a cab driver who is clearly cheating her on the bill, or call out a friend who is being impossible to handle, or even curse out a guy who just said something sleazy to her in front of her man for fear of looking like a crazy Itchbay. But guess what? It’s healthy to be a bit of a crazy you-know-what sometimes, and you want a man that is not only okay with that, but finds it attractive that you don’t let anyone step on you.



Women are constantly criticized for being too emotional, so much so that we’ve become self-conscious any time we become emotional, thinking, “I’m such a girl.” Well…YEAH! You are a girl. Not to mention just an emotional human being. And believe it or not, your man wants you to be a girl. He will probably find it endearing that you’re comfortable falling apart in front of him. Truth is, men get off on making you feel better. Give him that chance and don’t go hide whenever you feel the need to cry.

Being insecure

No woman is immune to the common things that make most women insecure. No woman. Every woman sometimes wonders if her man wishes she were more like his “cool” female friend who hangs with the guys. Every woman sometimes just needs to be told she is loved more often. Every woman has irrational days when she feels completely hideous and needs constant reassurance. That’s fine. Some men react poorly to that and will make you feel silly for it. But you want a man who hugs you, gives you that reassurance, indulges you in your momentary lapse of insecurity, and then forgets about it.

Looking unkempt

Do you have that girlfriend who has never allowed her boyfriend to let her see her not done up? HOW do they do it? It beats me, but it’s also just not sustainable. And guess what else? Men feel closer to a woman when they get to hang in bed with her, looking the way she only looks at home. It makes them feel they’ve been let into her personal space, and that is a good thing.

Getting sick

I know every woman gets insecure about it—bathroom issues. No matter what’s going on in there, no woman wants to admit to her boyfriend when she’s developing an intimate relationship with the toilet because she ate something bad! I’ve gone so far as to, on a vacation when I got sick, tell my man I was going to hit the hotel tread mill for a bit. I was secretly praying to the porcelain gods in the gym bathroom. I don’t want to have to be that secretive again, and you shouldn’t have to either. If you’re going to spend your life with this person, they need to know that you are human.

Being affectionate to others

Are you an affectionate person? Do you just get the urge to hug your friends—including your male friends—when they say something hilarious or sweet? Physical closeness is a human need! You shouldn’t have to suppress that urge because of a jealous boyfriend. He should be secure enough in himself to know that just because you hug, or even kiss on the cheek, a male friend doesn’t mean you want to tear his clothes off.

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