iOne
If time flies when you’re having fun, it can go really fast when you’re having sex. Do you ever feel like you blink and sex is over? There was so much anticipation – so much time spent getting in the mood – and when it’s all said and done, you don’t really remember the nuanced sensations. If this resonates with you, then you might be struggling to have mindful sex. And if you’re struggling to have orgasms (or at least good ones), then you could truly be having a mindfulness issue.
We’re taught that sex comes naturally, and when you’re in the moment, your body knows just what to do. That’s usually true, but for some of us, it eventually becomes too true. You become so unconscious of what’s happening in your body, almost as if you’re on autopilot, that you start thinking about what you’ll make for dinner or how you’ll handle that talk with your coworker.
Your partner thinks that face you just made was one of pleasure, but really, you just thought of the perfect way to start your client pitch tomorrow. If you’re cringing because you’re guilty of all of this right now, don’t feel too bad – as a society, we struggle with mindfulness. But sex is your sacred, intimate time with your partner. And if we are ready to apply mindfulness to things like eating and anxiety, you owe it to yourself to apply it to sex.
It’s About The Journey, Not The Destination
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Some people approach sex the same way they do eating: they race to satisfaction. With food, that means eating mindlessly and quickly, with the simple goal of being full. With sex, it means racing through the motions that will get you to an orgasm as soon as possible. If you’re like many couples, you’ve likely fallen into the rut of hopping into the position that does it for you, then the one that does it for your partner, and rolling over and calling it a night.
But just because you know what mechanics will get you both there faster, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re having good sex. In fact, doing it in such a predictable and formulaic way could leave you feeling dissatisfied – in spite of having reached orgasm. That’s because you missed out on all of the pleasurable sensations along the way. You were too focused on the destination that you forgot to enjoy the journey. That’s where mindfulness can come in.
