I understand that, when it comes to how to approach women they’re interested in, men can be a little confused – maybe now more than ever since the recent increase in attention to the wrong ways men have approached women in the past. There are certainly men who do not want to make women uncomfortable, but, they do still want women.
Maybe society can’t agree on much when it comes to things like chivalry and misogyny and where the line is drawn, but we can probably all agree that things are messy between men and women right now, without a doubt. They’re messy because we’re making progress, but messy nonetheless, which can leave some men totally clueless as to how to properly get in a love interest’s good graces. A little piece of advice to those confused men: don’t get in her graces under the guise of trying to do something else. Studies have actually found that people who are honest appear more attractive, so don’t lie about what you want. It’s not sexy.
Here are sneaky ways men hit on women that need to stop.
Asking for your career advice
This can be one of the most maddening ruses men use to get with a woman. It’s all sorts of misogyny on top of sexism on top of harassment. The act of a man asking a woman for her career guidance is exactly what we want to see – it’s systems of industries oppressing women’s careers turned on its head. When it’s genuine, it’s a glimpse into a reality that isn’t drowning in the patriarchy. So for a man to use the illusion of that otherwise positive moment to then do something that’s ultimately harassment is a disgusting form of abuse and manipulation. I’ve experienced it: I was so flattered when a man asked me to coffee to “pick my brain” because of my “expertise” in my industry…only to ask nothing of my work, and put his hand on my knee. I felt sick and stupid all at once, but I shouldn’t have felt stupid.