What To Do When Financial Stress Is Ruining Your Happiness - Page 10
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Seventy-seven percent of Americans are stressed about money, and 58 percent feel they’ve lost control over their financial situation, according to a Capital One survey. What’s more is the survey was conducted just a couple of months before the pandemic, which means current statistics might be even more alarming.
Financial stress is angering and frustrating in multiple ways. First, there are practical concerns surrounding paying for essentials like food and gas or your car and rent. But then, there is the anger that comes from knowing these money concerns are pulling you away from enjoying the moment. Very few things cause anxiety about the future like money can, but that’s the problem: it launches your mindset into the future, which isn’t even real yet. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t plan for the future. But planning for it, and constantly fretting about it are two very different things, with the latter stealing your happiness.
So, what can you do if you’re worried about money? I don’t just mean tips like budgeting and slashing expenses, but actually adjusting your mindset so you can get back to enjoying today rather than constantly worrying about how you’ll enjoy tomorrow? For this, we consulted two very special experts who don’t just address practical financial tips, but look at finances from a holistic, big-picture perspective. Dr. Keita Joy, the CEO of Success Uncensored Coaching, and Dr. Nicole Garner Scott, CEO of Amount Financial and global speaker, lent us their wisdom for this piece.
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You’ve already arrived
Dr. Joy opened up in her trademark vivacious and personable way about some of her journey with finances – particularly in building her business – and how she’s had to keep them from robbing her of personal relationships. “During the holidays I sat around in my seasonal-matching-family superhero pajamas (because making it through 2020 definitely took superhero powers LOL) and snuggled up with my supportive husband and rambunctious kids and watched the Pixar movie ‘SOUL’…’SOUL’ reminded me of the importance of enjoying life and that the key to fulfillment is in the day to day choices rather than one destination or point in time.”
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You work to live but you’re already living
Dr. Joy touched on an experience many of us might know of: the unnerving reality that we work incredibly hard to enjoy life tomorrow, not realizing that what we’re working towards, we already have. “In the movie [SOUL] this quote was expressed with such subtle power that it seeped into my soul unannounced and made its home quietly in my heart; “I heard this story about a fish, he swims up to an older fish and says, ‘I’m trying to find this thing they call the ocean.’ ‘The ocean?’ the older fish says, ‘That’s what you’re in right now.’ ‘This’, says the young fish, ‘This is water. What I want is the ocean!’”
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Looking for more can leave you lacking
“Like many others I too have focused so much of my attention on making more money, landing bigger contracts, and stressing over more, that I missed all of the opportunities, love, and purpose that is right in front of me,” shared Dr. Joy. “Seeking the ocean in my business has resulted in poor communication with my husband, frequent arguments over bills, and feelings of neglect.”
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Maybe it’s not the money you’re stressed about
Dr. Nicole Scott brought up an interesting point, in that, when we worry about money, the negative emotions aren’t so much connected to a dollar amount but how our finances are a reflection of our choices. “Money affects happiness for so many individuals because of how personal in nature it is. Money is very personal, we feel like it shows our decisions…ones that we are proud of and ones we are not so proud of.”
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Don’t let ambitions destroy the good stuff
Dr. Joy confessed that, when she was first starting her business, her marriage suffered because she was taking on business debt she couldn’t pay back, causing her and her partner’s savings to dwindle. It sparked a shift in perspective for her that prompted some of her new pillars for success, that come at it from a more holistic standpoint. The first one is as follows, and goes against the old “Fake it ‘til you make it’ adage: “1. Effective communication is paramount. Effective communication includes honesty, vulnerability, clear objectives, patience, empathy, and clarity.”
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Stop building a brand; build a real business
It’s too common today to get advice about nailing your “brand” through pricey photo shoots and website building. But what about focusing on the actual value you create? Here is Dr. Joy’s second pillar for success. “2. Build a business first, then your brand. Initially, I spent so much money trying to keep up with a ‘Kardashian’ brand rather than investing small amounts into building business models and systems first.”
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You must create your own standards
Dr. Scott also touched on the Keeping Up With The Jones’ (or Kardashians) mentality, and how it’s a recipe for dissatisfaction. “The happiness you seek has to be based on your version of happiness and not someone else’s. Defining your own happiness quotient is key.” How often do you find yourself feeling content with your life, only to have that ruined when you see that somebody else has more? If it’s a lot, maybe you haven’t “defined your own happiness quotient.”
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Go small, rather than big
Dr. Joy’s next two pillars focus on working with what you have and breaking goals into manageable steps. “3. Sacrifice is not an option for success but mandatory. I had to get used to less meals out, doing my own nails, and getting creative like finding sponsors for my clothes in order to save money and save my marriage.” “4. Life is like business…it’s a process. Having short term goals kept me on track and stopped me from making impulsive buying decisions.”
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Get creative, and get help
Finally, Dr. Joy’s last three steps focus on bringing in outside help when needed, along with recognizing outside influence that may not have been very beneficial for you. “5. Get creative. Building my business required finding fun ways to connect with my husband that didn’t require lots of money. Date nights indoors in a tent were just as romantic.” “6. Recognize toxic patterns. Many of my financial decisions came from unhealthy money habits I developed at an early age. I learned to ask for help and stick to a budget. Dave Ramsey’s ‘Learn to budget’ tips were critical to my money management.” “7. Employ a coach to keep you focused on your goals.”
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What are your unhealthy coping mechanisms?
Dr. Joy touched on something we’ve written at length on before, and that’s retail therapy. You know: when you soothe your money anxieties by spending more money. Hmm… “Retail therapy is a thing and is super toxic. This has become a phrase to say when you’re stressed and is a pain-inflicting way to cope. I had to learn that instead of impulsive shopping, I can channel those frustrations into a project, speak with my life coach/therapist, meditate, pray, or exercise. We do not want to normalize poor choices when we are in pain.”
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The void has already been filled
Dr. Scott also touches on a healthy way to fill the void, that doesn’t involve retail therapy. In fact, it focuses on realizing there was no void to begin with. “One of the silver linings from 2020, is that the intensity of the year made many pause and reflect on all the things they already have. In the reflection, gratefulness becomes a powerful tool in your personal happiness toolkit. When you make an intentional effort to be grateful, it will help you rid yourself of your fears and your doubts around making money because you will be able to see the abundance clearer in your life.”
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Don’t just live for future you
There is something to be said for making choices today that tomorrow-you will thank you for. But it’s important not to mistake those for things like, taking on too much debt for a business idea or skipping date night with your spouse to send out cold-call emails. As Dr. Joy puts it, it’s still important to conduct yourself in a way in which you’re proud today, when chasing tomorrow. “We are at peace when we live at our best from one moment to the next. This is where our spark resides. We are already in our ocean! The next contract, promotion, or opportunity is a part of the joys of everyday living. When honor is given to the process just as much as the destination, our soul will thank us…and our purses too!”
