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Have you noticed that there are just some people who, when they talk, the whole room pays attention? Having a side bar simply doesn’t feel like an option. Even though you didn’t all go to that dinner party to hear this one person speak, they have a way of asserting themselves that makes you feel like you did—interrupting, or whispering to your neighbor, would just feel wrong. Those people have a little something I like to call presence. Presence and confidence tend to be a part of the same bundle. But, for the record, very few people who appear confident actually feel that confident on the inside. They have just learned some techniques that help them look like they have a handle on everything—that make others feel comfortable around them. It’s a great skill to have in everything from your social to your business life. Here are habits that make you appear insecure, and how to fix them. adult woman has a puzzled expression on her face while talking with her friend. They are having coffee in the woman’s apartment.

Turning statements into questions

If you’re saying a statement then say it. Put a period at the end of it. When phrasing statements more as questions like, “Maybe we could increase our output in this department?” you make others around you feel that not even you have total faith in your idea. covering her eyes

Looking everywhere

Very few people out there are capable at maintaining eye contact for all (or most) of a conversation. If you can pull it off, you’ll always come off as more confident. Yes, it feels awkward but the person you’re speaking with doesn’t see that: they just see that you’re tuned in, and you are picking up on every little detail.’s frustrated after long day at work woman angry on the phone


When you rush, it can come off as if you’re trying not to give the listener any time to find potholes in your story. Taking a breath and slowing down is your way of showing, “What I have to say is so important that it is worthy of plenty of time.” holding a fan


Don’t play with your hair, adjust your top, or scratch your neck when you speak. These habits indicate lying or insecurity. You should, however, make use of your hands. Gesturing in order to emphasize a point shows that you back up your ideas so completely, that even your body backs them up. businesswoman giving presentation in board room. Female entrepreneur is standing by whiteboard. She is explaining strategy to colleagues during meeting.

Answering too quickly

Never feel compelled to reply immediately to a question or statement that requires an answer. Taking a moment, leaning back, looking away for a moment, and thinking about it indicates, “I believe your question is important and want to give it the best possible answer.” young woman

Tempering your emotions

If you think something is hilarious, show that by laughing. If you think something is downright wrong, show it by shaking your head, and using a more serious tone. People who are insecure often try to temper their emotional reactions to make those around them more comfortable or, rather, less likely to attack them. But showing the way you really feel, unapologetically, shows that you’re not worried if someone disagrees with you. of young man outdoors looking around and thinking

Saying, “Sorry” often

Getting rid of this habit takes practice but challenge yourself for a full day to never say, “Sorry” (unless you actually harmed someone). But if someone just corrects you because you misstated a fact, or did a small task marginally wrong, you don’t need to say, “Sorry.” You can just say you’ll fix it, or that they’re correct. But you don’t need to apologize. businesswoman using smart phone while sitting on desk in New modern Office

Starting with, “Well”

Starting your sentences with “Well” already takes some of the oomph out of them. “Well” subtly indicates so many other things like, “I’m sorry” or “If you don’t mind” or “I’m not sure about what I’m about to say.” African American businesswomen walking down an office hallway talking and smiling. They are carrying handbags, arriving to the office or leaving. One is holding a digital tablet and the other has a cup of coffee.

Having one foot out the door

You may not have a foot out a literal door in conversation, but you may always have one angled away from the person, as if you’re trying to walk away as soon as possible. This never indicates confidence. Plant your feet facing the person with whom you’re speaking. It indicates that you are fully present. saying be quiet

Interjecting often

Don’t add a “Yup” and “Mmm” and “Exactly” after every sentence another person says. It can actually give off the impression that you’re only pretending to listen. Don’t be afraid to remain completely silent while someone else speaks; just maintain eye contact and don’t fidget, and they’ll know you’re listening. Covering Mouth

Filling the void

It’s actually okay to remain silent even when the other person is silent. Though silence can feel awkward, if you always feel the need to fill it with anything at all, you can come off as insecure. Confident people are okay with silence. whispering gossiping

Keeping your voice at a low volume

Do you project when you speak? I mean really make your voice heard? Keeping your voice low is like welcoming people to interrupt you. It’s a subtle way of saying, “I’m only sort of speaking but feel free to stop me at any time.” Project when it’s your turn to talk. working with a laptop while your couple is angry

Letting someone steamroll you

There are those people who just monopolize conversations. If you don’t stop them, they’ll talk nonstop for an hour. They won’t stop on their own, so you have to stop them. You can do this by putting your hand on their forearm, and saying the words, “I’m going to just stop you for a moment” before saying what you need to say. The physical touch and that starter sentence A) remind them of your presence and B) subtly instruct them to be quiet. attractive young African American woman looking down with her forehead resting on her hand in a close up head and shoulders on white

Rejecting compliments

Accepting a compliment doesn’t make you cocky. You weren’t the one to say the nice thing about yourself (which, by the way would also be okay): you simply aren’t negating the nice thing someone else said about you. view of two multi-ethnic young women relaxing on the side of a swimming pool, feet in the water, conversing.

Asking for input

You don’t need to ask people what they think after you’ve spoken unless you’re working in a group on something. But if you’re just stating your opinion in conversation, don’t ask what everyone thinks after. If they disagree, they’ll state it on their own.

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