When He Asks Your Parents For Your Hand, And They Say No
- By
Julia Austin
Source: FG Trade / Getty
But some traditions remain
“In my experience as a couples’ therapist, most often, having egalitarian gender roles, where there’s a sense of shared power, that tends to work best, versus a man asking another man for your hand. That seems antiquated to me,” says Dr. Louis. However, it turned out that her dad’s desire to have her husband ask for his permission was rooted in another tradition: he knew he’d pay for the wedding. Her dad believed the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. So the question, “Can I marry your daughter?” had financial implications for him. Had her husband not asked, and they’d just said “We’re engaged” that could have come off as, “You’re paying for a wedding you didn’t agree to!”
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