MadameNoire Featured Video

parents don't approve of marriage

Source: HRAUN / Getty

Whether or not men should still go to a woman’s father and ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage is something that sparks much debate. Some think it’s incredibly unfeminist for one man to ask another man if he can essentially assume the caretaking of a woman. Others think it’s an important tradition – a way of honoring the fact that the father protected and provided for that woman all of these years, and the boyfriend wouldn’t dare take over that role without first discussing it with him. Wherever you fall on the issue, it may still happen that your partner asks your parents for your hand, and your parents might say no.

That’s when things get awkward. Typically, if someone asks the question, they’re already expecting the answer to be yes. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t have asked. It can cause a lot of upset when that answer is no. It can cause strains on the relationship between the groom and his would-be in-laws. It can create tension between the groom and bride. It can cause a lot of resentment between the bride and her parents. It’s hard to know how to move forward from this moment. So we asked couples counselor, Dr. Laura Louis, how to move forward when you ask for her parents’ blessing, and they say no.

dr. laura louis

Source: Dr. Laura owns these photos / Glamor Shots

Consider the culture

Dr. Louis reminds us that in some cultures, it’s expected that the parents choose a daughter’s partner. So when a man takes it upon himself to choose himself, and simply ask the parents as a formality, that can cause tension. “When that [letting the parents decide the partner] doesn’t happen, it just becomes a problem. Depending on the parents’ level of comfort with some of our western norms, that can become an issue,” says Dr. Louis.

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN