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what finding the one feels like

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“When I first met him, I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend.” Have you ever heard a woman who’s been happily married for years say that of her husband? You probably have, and often. And then, on the other end of that, how many men have you met who you believed would be the one and then…were not? Love is tricky like that. It often hides the truth, one way or another, for a while. There’s also the issue that we develop patterns. Good or bad, we develop ways we behave in the initial dating stages of a relationship, and experiences that we associate with romance. Even if those patterns have ultimately led to breakup after breakup, we can still, on a subconscious level, feel that “Oh, these are the things that form the foundation of a relationship.” But, maybe they shouldn’t.

 The “one” is the “one” (though many argue you have several “ones”) because he’s different from the rest. It’s common to hear that the person someone spends her life with was not the type of person she thought she’d wind up with. She broke away from her usual type when finding that partner. Though at first, that seems odd, it quickly makes perfect sense. If sticking to your “type” hasn’t been working, then when you meet the one, there may be elements of that person and that experience that surprise you. In fact, you may not even be romantically interested at first. We spoke with Tiffany Rae’Shan, licensed therapist and life coach, about how you can meet the one and not realize it.

Tiffany Richards

Source: Olivia Kristin Photography / Olivia Kristin Photography

Should you feel “Crazy” in love?

“We often mistake chaos for chemistry,” notes Rae’Shan. “Therefore, sometimes when a person brings stability, calmness, and certainty into our lives, initially we may not associate this with romance. However, these qualities can serve as the foundation for a great love.”  While chaos may be exciting at first, one survey actually found that women prioritize kindness and supportiveness in a partner. Of course, that may be absent from the rollercoaster relationships that initially catch one’s attention.

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