Source: Marco VDM / Getty
Self-discipline is very much at the core of a peaceful, fulfilling life. Making decisions in life based solely on what we do and don’t feel like doing won’t get us far. It would be mayhem. If you read the biographies of wildly successful individuals—from athletes to authors to activists—one common theme you will find through them all is self-discipline. They would do the thing they needed to do to move forward, every day, regardless of the circumstance. They didn’t just do it when they felt like it. They didn’t just do it when it was convenient. They didn’t just do it when they’d had a good night’s rest. They didn’t just do it when they were in a good mood. They put in the work, every day, no matter what. That’s self-discipline.
I bring this up because I’ve noticed a major commonality in the lives of my friends whose romantic lives are a sh*t show: their overall lives are also a sh*t show. They’ll bail on work because they’d rather go have fun. They’ll skip an expensive workout class they already paid for because they just don’t feel like it. They’ll sit out the networking event because, in the end, they were a little tired. Meanwhile, their love lives are tumultuous and dysfunctional. It’s all related. It all ties into having the willpower to do what’s best for us, and to not do what isn’t good for us, no matter how appealing. It’s about avoiding temptation (like the temptation to answer the call from an ex). It’s about doing what you said you’d do (like breaking up with someone if he cheated again).
Usually, in life, the very thing that will help us become stronger and more stable is also the thing that is the least fun and the least convenient…in the moment. Later, it pays off in dividends. But in the moment, it requires self-discipline, because it’s not fun. If you lack self-discipline, your love life might look like this.
You keep sleeping with an ex
You keep going back to that ex. After a bad first date, you call up the ex for comfort. After being rejected by someone new you like, you call the ex for an ego boost. It’s the thing that feels good to do now, but makes you feel very bad tomorrow. Then, to try to prove yourself right, you may double down and give it a whole second shot with the ex. But things don’t get better.
