It would probably be easier if you and your partner could just live in a bubble where nobody bothers you and you aren’t expected to be at birthday parties and play opening nights and events with other people. It would be easier, but not healthy. You do have to intertwine your lives so that you can live full lives. Your partner meets all of your friends eventually, as you meet his. You become a part of one another’s networks. And, as anyone who has been in a committed relationship knows, sometimes, that can get tricky.
Your partner may not be crazy about all of your friends. Before you two came together, you had your personal friendship politics figured out. You knew how to handle that friend’s annoying boyfriend when he came around. You understood that being close to this friend meant sometimes having to hang out with her kind of b*tchy friend she keeps around from high school. It was all mapped out. You had it under control. But once you add a significant other to the equation, everything changes. Now you’re dealing with how he feels about everyone in your life.
You have to take on your partner’s network, too. And you’re not automatically going to love them all. He may have some close buddies who appeal to a side of his personality that isn’t your personal favorite side. Or that you barely knew about…until these friends brought it out. You can’t just run away and never hang with friends again. You just have to drudge through the drama and complications of keeping your friend groups together, while keeping your relationship together. You still need to accept each other’s networks. The difficulty level just gets turned up to a level 10. Here are friendship politics every couple is very familiar with.
The sh*tty fourth
You love your good friend from college. And your partner loves her, too. It’s very clear to everyone why you love her. Her boyfriend, however? Not so much. He sucks and everyone knows it. He’s a dick. Before your boyfriend came along, you just said you wanted a “girl’s night” when you saw this friend, and that was that. But now that you have a man, your friend wants to double date.