When video surfaced of boxer Gervonta Davis aggressively grabbing his ex and pulling her out of her seat at a celebrity basketball game over the weekend, there were plenty of people who downplayed Davis’s actions. Some blamed the ex, whom Davis shares a child with, claiming that she likely did something to provoke such behavior in public. Others, like comedian Jess Hilarious, acted as though it’s a normal occurrence in relationships.
“Everybody done been yoked up by their boyfriend, their baby father or their husband,” she said in her most recent Jess With the Mess video. “Ain’t nothing wrong with a little yokage.”
We’d have to disagree, though. There’s something very wrong with a man, or even a woman, grabbing someone by the neckline of their clothing and pulling them out of their seat. It’s not just extremely aggressive, but abusive behavior. And yes, you can display abusive behavior towards someone you are no longer in a relationship with; this incident, as well as DeMarcus Cousins threatening to kill the mother of his son, proves that.
While there are certain behaviors that people overlook, there are a number, emotional and physical, that need to be called out for what they are. Check out 10 behaviors in and out of relationships that are abusive that people like to pretend are not that bad.
From threatening violence against you to threatening to leave you or break up with you during every argument, threats being thrown when you don’t agree with your partner or do what they say is abuse. It’s all about scaring you into being agreeable.
Destroying Your Stuff
Breaking your phone, throwing your things across the room or just destroying something you own in anger is scary. Just because they didn’t touch you while doing so doesn’t make it any less of a big deal.
Whether they’re questioning your intelligence, shaming your looks or calling you something vile, vicious put-downs are not okay.
Controlling Where You Go
Have someone in your life who doggedly tries to get you to not go to certain places or makes you feel bad for thinking about going? It’s not because they’re trying to look out for you, but rather, they want to have control over you.
Approaching You in a Menacing Way
While they may not actually end up putting their hands on you, a person who walks up on you in a threatening way to exact some form of power over you and make you cower is out of line.
Blaming You for Their Bad Behavior
In their manipulative way, an abusive partner will blame you for their antics to get you to think if you act a certain way in the future, it won’t happen again. They may also downplay their actions as no big deal because they know they’re likely unable to control themselves from doing it again.
Screaming at You
If their way of getting you to do something quick, fast and in a hurry and to their liking is to shout at you, it’s not just because they’re impatient.
Grabbing You in an Aggressive Way
Outside of yoking someone up, grabbing you firmly by the arm to get you to stay where you are to listen, pulling your clothing and getting a grip around the back of your neck are all a no-no.
Trying to Isolate You
While they may be able to downplay their behavior with you, an abusive partner who knows that your family and friends aren’t fans of them may try and get you to stop spending time with them, and even from being in contact with them.
Cursing at You
This is different from insulting you and screaming at you. Cursing at you in an intense way to get you to be quiet or to go away when they’re no longer pleased with your presence (i.e., “Shut the f–k up!”) is not the way anyone should speak to someone. Feel free to call it out, or better yet, call it a day on that relationship.