The truth is that my current relationship shares many things in common with previous relationships. And that’s to be expected since, there are traits that we know we like—that we know work for us—so it’s no surprise that many of our exes may have some personality overlap. You change, grow, and evolve, of course, but there are some things about you that remain the same, so there will be characteristics you seek out in every partner—even the ones things don’t work out with. But one thing that I can say drastically sticks out to me about my current relationship (and we’ve been together seven years so, I think this one will stick) is that we laugh so much.
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I do with my boyfriend on a regular basis. I shared some laughs with exes, but looking back, we didn’t laugh together very often. I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that then, nor did I realize that…that’s not good! It’s like I saw my exes as part of designated boxes, like for sex, intimacy, and seriousness, and my friends for…fun. But shouldn’t your life partner check the fun box, too?
My partner and I laugh more than we do anything else. We can also go deep, and talk about difficult subjects. We can cry in front of each other. We can be angry. We can be somber. But, more than anything, we laugh a lot together. I think it’s because we aim to laugh a lot. It’s the theme of our relationship. I don’t think I’m just lucky that I laugh with my partner so much: I think it’s a critical part of a successful relationship. Here’s why laughter is the most important thing in a relationship.
Nothing is that big of a deal
The truth is that nothing that happens in life is that big of a deal. It isn’t. When all is said and done, there will be maybe a handful of things that happen in your lifetime that are that momentous or that serious. Everything else—like traffic and rent increases and disputes with coworkers—are nothing. If you laugh together at these things, you remind yourselves that most things aren’t worth getting worked up over.
It boosts happy chemicals
When you laugh, you boost happy chemicals in your brain. So laughing often around your partner means having those great chemicals flowing around him, and creating connections in your mind that say, “I’m happy around this person.” That is great for your bond. Sharing a laugh together helps you feel closer.
You want the other to be happy
If you and your partner find ways to make each other laugh often—including when the other is down, or in the middle of a silly argument, or for no reason at all—that says one very important thing…you aim to make one another happy as often as possible! And that’s a great sign.
It shows shared intelligence
Laughing together actually means that you have similar intelligence levels—all sorts of intelligences. It means you share a similar emotional IQ, as well as general intelligence about the world. If you share a sense of humor, you likely have a lot more in common emotionally and mentally.
And shared values
When you laugh often at the same things, that indicates shared values. Some jokes are dark. Some are silly. Some are at the expense of others. Some are at the expense of yourselves. Either way, your values are deeply wrapped up in your particular sense of humor, so if you share one, that’s a good thing.
And a common perspective
You can’t possibly laugh at things together if you don’t see the world in many of the same ways. So giggling together frequently means that you tend to pick up on the same things, focus on the same things, and see the world through a lens similar to your partner’s. That makes for a special bond.
Any time can be a party
If you laugh a lot, anything you do can be a party. Suddenly, running errands, cleaning the home, fixing a broken faucet, grocery shopping, long drives—really anything—becomes a little party. It’s amazing to laugh a lot because you add that element of something special to otherwise boring things.
You’ll feel more relaxed
Laughing actually lowers blood pressure. So if you laugh together a lot, you’re literally good for one another’s health. And it means you’ll generally feel relaxed around each other. Shouldn’t your life partner—the person you live with and confide in—be a source of relaxation for you?
You’ll need it in hard times
You will need laughter during hard times—like when you’re caring for sick relatives or facing financial hardship—and life will throw you plenty of hard times. If you plan on spending your entire life with this person, then you need shared tools that help you get through the hard times. Laughter is one such tool.
You’ll need it during setbacks
There will be those setbacks that aren’t really devastating but part of being an ambitious person. Not getting the job. Not getting published. Not getting the investor. Not getting your idea picked up. Whatever it is, there will be those little career setbacks. It’s important in those times to laugh and remember there’s more to live for than careers.
It diffuses arguments
You can use laughter to diffuse an argument, and that’s always a good thing to do. The goal should be to decelerate fights, and couples who can laugh easily with one another won’t stay in a fight for long. It’s hard to stay mad when your partner has you in stitches, and can poke a joke at the situation.
It keeps things playful
Every other relationship in your life is so formal. That with your boss, your coworkers, your landlord, your parents, your accountant, your doctor—really everyone. You have to have that one relationship where all airs are put aside and you can be silly. That should be with your partner.
It’s a secret language
When you laugh a lot, it means you have a secret language. It means that you have a shorthand, and quickly see many of the same things at the same time. You get to a point when just sharing a glance has you cracking up. And then let’s not mention all of the inside jokes you’ll create.
It sets the tone for your friendships
If laughter is a major part of your relationship, it will be a major part of your friendships, too. If you laugh often with your partner, you’ll get spoiled with laughter—which is a good thing—and only want friends who also make you laugh. You’ll choose your couples friends accordingly, too.
It’s free and always available
Laughter is free entertainment. Movie tickets, concerts, and vacations can be expensive. If you have to have fun on a budget, you’ll never feel lacking if you laugh often. In fact, everyone else will wish they got to have the fun you do, while they’re at an expensive event with people they don’t like.