Things You’ll Miss About Your Mom When She’s Gone
The mother daughter relationship is not always easy. My relationship with my mom has certainly had its ups and downs, and possibly more downs than ups. We have definitely threatened each other with therapy many times throughout my life. I’ve told her she needs therapy, she has told me I need therapy, and we have suggested we go to therapy together. There have been yelling matches that ended in crying and someone locking herself in a bedroom. Sometimes both of us locked ourselves in opposing bedrooms, expecting the other one to come out and beg the other one to do the same, and we never did, until we both gave up, went into the kitchen, made some tea, and acted like none of those dramatics ever happened.
Yes, the mother daughter relationship could make a great Lifetime movie. Maybe these relationships are harder than the father son relationship for the same reason they are better, which is the fact that women communicate well. We are open about our feelings, and while that can make us very close, it can also make us very angry. But, no matter what your relationship is like with your mom, you won’t always have her, and when she is gone, you won’t celebrate the fact that the fights are gone. You won’t feel relieved that the drama is over. You won’t say, “Good, now I don’t have to deal with her judgment anymore.” No, all you will miss are the good things about her. In fact, you may even miss some of the things that you once thought were bad, but now see you in a different light. Having your own children can certainly do that. Here are things you will miss about your mother when she is gone, so appreciate them today, while she’s here.
Complete love when you have a complete breakdown
There are not many people you will feel comfortable in your life calling in complete hysterics, crying so hard you can’t get one word out, but your mom will always be one of them. After a break up, after losing a job, or after anything that leaves you balling, you always know you can call your mom and her tone will immediately be completely sweet and completely nurturing.
Somebody who lets you be a baby
This is one of those things I was talking about that today, might bother you about your mother, but one day you will realize you appreciate. Maybe your mom still treats you like a baby sometimes. Maybe she’s patronizes you and makes you feel like she doesn’t think you can handle your own life. Maybe sometimes you stubbornly want to say, “Hey I am an adult so treat me as such.”
You are still a baby
We all are still big babies sometimes. There are elements of life that none of us will ever feel we have a handle on it. And even though sometimes you don’t like that your mom treats you like a baby, there will be other times when you are so grateful she allows you to be a baby. She accepts that you are frightened and sometimes you are weak and need to be taken care of.
Stay out of my life. Stop being so nosy. This is none of your business. These are things we all may say to our mothers at one point in our lives. Mothers can’t help but make our business their business. They literally created us, and then needed to keep a close eye on us for the first 18 years of our lives just to keep us alive and make sure we turned out okay. So asking them to just flip the switch and stop being nosy one day is an impossible request. And, if your mother ever did do that, you would realize that’s not what you wanted all along.
It’s nice that somebody is watching
Think about the alternative. Think of a world in which you called your mother and she didn’t ask you any questions about your life. Think of a world in which you wanted to share with her about your fight with your boyfriend or your first date, and your mom barely listened, and behaved completely bored. That is a chilling thought. It is actually kind of nice to have someone who is invested in our lives, even if that someone sometimes gives feedback we didn’t ask for.
This is a very broad category, but if you are a woman, you know what it is. There are elements of being a woman that only your mother can possibly prepare you for, or explain to you. At the end of the day, she is just a woman, like you are, who happens to be, let’s say, on a more advanced level of womanhood. Whether it is dealing with infidelity, or body issues, or fighting with your daughter, these are things that you and your mother will bond over, and you just can’t bond with anyone else over these things the way you do with your mother.
Somebody else who understands your siblings
Within a family, everyone has their special relationships. While siblings may complain to one another about the parents, some days you need to call your mother to complain about your sibling being that very difficult way that everyone knows she can be. Nobody outside the family really understands it the way the family does. And your dad, well, he may not be as open to venting about family dynamics as your mother is.
Those little tips and tricks
Your mother is always passing along little tips and tricks to you. From cooking to traveling to accounting to gift wrapping to parenting, she has her lovable hacks in every area of life, and she is always sharing them with you. In addition to receiving that knowledge, you receive her love, because when she shares those tips with you it is because she wants life to be as easy as possible for you. She doesn’t want you to struggle with anything she struggled with, big or small, and that is why she constantly shares her tips with you.
Knowing yourself through her
It has probably happened many times in your life already: you have understood yourself better through something you learned about your mother. Maybe it is something in the family history, or some emotional flaws or fears that she has. As you have become an emotionally intelligent person you observe your mother and through understanding her better, you understand yourself better.
Even when she makes you mad
This learning even happens when she is making you angry or sad. While, in the moment, you are just frustrated with her behavior, when the anger subsides, you realize that you just learned something about her and about yourself. You may learn that you react the same way she does to certain situations. You may understand her psyche better, you may learn to forgive her, and through that, you learn to forgive yourself.
Dressing you up
Right now, it drives you nuts. When you visit your mom for the holidays, she has input on your outfit. She sends you back into your room to cover up. Or, she pushes one of her outfits onto you. She’s always buying you clothes that she wants to see you in, rather than stuff you want. But one day, you’ll miss having a woman around who cared so much about your appearance. It was a form of love.
Someone to call about anything
Literally anything. A question about how to do taxes or how to breastfeed or how to get through this heartache. Your mom is a one-stop-shop for all of these questions. And even if you don’t always like or take her advice, there probably isn’t anybody else in the world who would even pick up your call regarding all of these diverse questions.
You’ll only get a few sources of it in your lifetime. Some may say that even your spouse doesn’t provide you with unconditional love. Honestly, it might just be your parents, and your children—those are the only true sources of unconditional love. So they’re very precious, and when your mom goes, you’ll realize that, along with her judgment and criticism, she also took with her that unparalleled love.
A financial backup plan
I know that not everyone is so fortunate to be able to look to their parents as a substantial backup plan, but to some degree, they are one. You could always move back in with them if things got rough. They’ll lend you or give you what they can. When your mom goes, you may suddenly feel very on your own. Even if she left you something, you know that that is finite. It’s just the money—not your mom’s help or guidance or love.
So thank her today
Start to pay attention to these things you love about your mom today. Stop and appreciate these moments as they occur. Take the focus off the things she does that drive you crazy. Don’t waste your energy or attention on those. When you no longer have your mom, you’ll just wish you’d better appreciated the good stuff when she was here.