MadameNoire Featured Video

taking back control of your life

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It’s easy to wake up one day and realize that you aren’t the leading lady in your own life. Maybe growing up, you had siblings or even parents who regularly stole the spotlight. They were big personalities with big problems and constant drama. It was as if they had their own force field that pulled everyone in, and suddenly your life revolved around them and not yourself. Maybe you grew up and found friends and even romantic partners who did the same thing. They sensed that they could rely on you to be supplementary to their vision, but not to have your own vision. They knew you could be their crutch as they pursued their goals, because you wouldn’t be preoccupied pursuing your own. And in a way, you do take some joy in being such a support system to people. It is important to you to be helpful, to be attentive, to be a shoulder to cry on, to be a cheerleader, and to generally be a source of comfort for the people you love. But you can’t just be that to them. In fact, your relationships shouldn’t be all about what you are to other people. That’s guest star mentality—not leading lady mentality. That’s called literally taking on a supporting role in your own life. But what about you? When all is said and done, you don’t get to have your friends and family’s victories, even if you helped them achieve them. You go home, alone, to your life. Is it one you’re proud of? Or have you been too busy helping others build lives they’re proud of. Are you not the leading lady in your own life?


You’re always the unwilling wing woman

You’re regularly dragged on double dates in which the guy you’re meant to talk to is a dud. He may even be creepy or rude or clearly closeted gay. Your friends regularly convince you that they’re doing you a favor by bringing you on this “setup,” and in the end, it’s clear they just wanted you there as a chaperone, and put no thought into whether or not you’d actually like the other guy.

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