I pride myself on being pretty wise when it comes to relationships. As a frequent reader of psychological journals, a student of multiple love gurus, a detailed observer, and a spiritually discerning person, I thought getting “caught up” was beyond me. I believed that once I mastered a place of wholeness and self-love, that I would automatically be able to scan a potential love interest for red flags and make smart decisions based on what I saw. I convinced myself that the “next guy” I dated wouldn’t have the emotional hang-ups, shortcomings and commitment issues of the lovers of my past. I entered my latest relationship feeling pretty invincible, and that was my downfall. As they say, “love is blind.” And as I was drawn deeper and deeper into love with my ex through his charming smile, kind demeanor and warm spirit, I let my armor down only to be left defenseless and fooled. I hope this series of red flags serves as a reminder that there is no maturity level, spiritual growth or psychological awareness that leaves you exempt to matters of the heart. But the goal, with every relationship, is to collect more data so we can all more quickly figure out if the person before us is the best match for our mind, body and soul.
Here are some blaring signs I missed along the way that showed me early on my ex was not “the one.”