Opposites attract in many ways—that is true. And, often, opposites attract for good reason. Depending on which exact opposites come together, they can actually be very complementary to each other and lift each other up. But some opposites just don’t work out. The very fact that someone is quite different from you can create an excitement that masquerades as chemistry. If you spend a lot of time with people who are similar to yourself, then there is something refreshing and invigorating about the otherness of an opposite. But, some opposites are only meant to be consumed in small doses—not necessarily lived with or married to. I believe that, in most cases, social butterflies and extreme introverts will wind up making each other pretty unhappy. I’ve experienced it and witnessed it myself many times. Here’s why.
People assume he doesn’t like them
In social settings, people assume your social introvert just doesn’t like them. He doesn’t talk to them. He doesn’t talk much, in general. He doesn’t ask others questions about themselves. So, your friends think your partner just doesn’t like them. You can explain that he’s just shy but, would that excuse really pass muster with you if you were on the other side of the situation?
Friends don’t want to double date
If you’re a social butterfly, then there’s a good chance that many of your friends are, too. But, they don’t want to double date with you and your social introvert. Your friend’s partners feel like they’re doing all of the work in those interactions with your partner because he gives them so little to work with. So having couples friends becomes difficult.
You have to babysit him
In social situations, you feel like you have to babysit him. You know that you’re basically the only person he likes talking to, so you feel bad leaving him alone for long.
Even at your own parties
Even at your events, like your birthday party or your promotion celebration, you have to babysit your partner. You shouldn’t even have to think about anyone else on those nights—they’re supposed to be about you—and yet you find yourself worried about your partner.
He feels you steal the show
He can start to feel that you steal the show. One on one, he can find your bubbliness invigorating and endearing. But, in social settings, since he generally struggles in groups, he feels even more overshadowed next to your vivacious energy. He can’t help but feel that you make him look even worse in social settings.
You feel bad for just being you
You wind up feeling bad for simply being yourself. You typically enjoy being talkative, social, energetic, and the life of the party. But, knowing that it overshadows your hermit of a partner makes you feel guilty for being yourself.
You want him to make an effort
You can’t help it; eventually, you just want to grab him and shake him and say, “Can’t you make a little effort!” It can be hard for you, the social butterfly, to understand why someone can’t just…talk a little more or…open up a bit more.
If he goes out, you owe him one
When he does join you for social occasions, he’s doing you a favor. You can sense that he’s doing you a favor. So now, you owe him one, just for bringing him along.
But if you go without him, you feel bad
You could go without him, so as to not owe him one later, but you feel bad doing that, too. Then you feel as if you’re choosing friends over him.
He has nothing left to give after socializing
After he goes to social events, he has nothing left to give. Socializing drains introverts—whereas it energizes extroverts. He’s tired and cranky after socializing, so you just get to deal with his bad mood at home.
Sometimes, it just seems rude
You can’t help but feel like he’s just being rude sometimes. You take him to a friend’s birthday dinner, and he sits quietly in the corner, not interacting. It’s your friend’s birthday—can’t he get into the festive spirit? For her? Or for you?
He’s very clingy
In general, you’ll feel that he’s very clingy. You’ll probably be one of his few friends, so he often wants to know what you’re doing or when you’ll be home. That’s too much pressure for a social butterfly.
You’ll probably emotionally cheat
Unfortunately, you will likely wind up wanting to cheat, and you may even emotionally cheat. At the end of the day, you connect on a deeper level with other social butterflies.
Living together may feel lonely
If you live with your introvert, you’ll often feel very lonely, at home. He’ll require more alone time than you do and will often just zone out, leaving you with nobody to talk to.
He may also emotionally cheat
Your introvert may emotionally cheat, too. He connects to and understands other introverts, better. He can feel that you’re insensitive and don’t understand him the way other introverts do.