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When we found out that my dad was cheating on my mom, there was this odd back and forth that happened for nearly a year that went like this: my mom and dad would try to work it out in therapy and he’d promise not to talk to the mistress anymore, then he’d just run off with the mistress out of nowhere, then he’d come back, begging my mom to give him another shot, and promising to cut the mistress out of his life. This happened countless times. Eventually, my parents got a divorce and my dad is now with his mistress. Yes, I still call her a mistress because once a mistress always a mistress if you ask me. But I’ve asked him, “What was that crazy time about? When you were found out, why didn’t you just have a clean break with mom and go be—legitimately—with the other woman?” To this he answered, “Because the other woman hadn’t yet promised she’d stay with me if I left your mom and I didn’t want to be alone.” That’s just some of the twisted logic that explains why cheaters don’t just leave the relationship.
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Splitting up a life is terrifying
If it’s a very established relationship—married, living together, been together for a decade—then leaving the relationship means splitting up two joint lives. It means truly starting over, and starting a new life. Old routines, common acquaintances, favorite hangout spots—gone.
