Ways Singles Demonize Married People

February 28, 2019  |  
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a married couple

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I understand that single individuals face plenty of stigmas that A) aren’t true and B) aren’t kind. Anytime one group receives judgment and criticism from members of another group, they can think that everyone in that other group feels that way. But, just as the #NotAllMen thing exists, maybe we need to create a #NotAllMarriedPeople and #NotAllSinglePeople, too. It’s a shame that a few individuals can give their entire demographic a bad reputation. But, I do understand that, sometimes, married people can act in ways that don’t make singles feel very accepted or respected. That’s probably what leads to all the rather nasty posts I see on social media by singles about married couples. I’m not married, but I’ve been living with a partner for quite some time and am basically wifeyed up, so I often feel like I’m even the target of posts making fun of married couples. Can all the spewing venom just stop, in both directions, please? Here are ways singles demonize married people.

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Married people think they’re better

There’s this idea that married people just think they’re better, and that they are married because they deserved it and that single people are single because they deserve that. There seems to be this notion among many single individuals that their married friends pity them for not being good/smart/worthy enough to have what they have.

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Actually, they aren’t elitist

Most married individuals remember just how freaking hard it was out there and how very lucky they are to have found someone. They don’t think they’re married because they’re any better than their single friends. They know their friends are in the trenches, just as they once were, and just need the good fortune of meeting that person. But they know it’s that—good fortune, and not much about being better or worse.

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Married people think singles are promiscuous

Many single friends seem to conceal their hookup stories from me thinking I’d judge them. I’ll walk into a conversation, in which they’re telling another single friend the juicy details, and they’ll just stop talking when I show up. I’ve heard my single friends make comments about how it would offend my delicate wifeyed-up senses, or something like that.

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Truly, they miss the stories!

Hey, married people were out there doing the one-night stands, booty-calls, friends with benefits, and all that stuff once, too. Not only do they not judge the stories—they miss them! Fill them in. They miss the raunchy details.

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Married people think they’re relationship experts

Singles seem to think that married people believe they are relationship experts, and that they think their word on how to handle relationships is fact and law. I hear many singles say they don’t want to talk to their married friends about their dating lives, believing their friends are silently thinking, “They’re so dumb. They’ve got this all wrong.”

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Even marriages have problems

Getting married doesn’t mean someone has completed the course of relationships and received a Masters in romance and communication. Even marriages have problems, and most married people will honestly tell you that they’re always learning, always evolving, and always being humbled by how much they still have to learn.

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Married people are cliquey

If you’re a single individual you may feel your married friends are cliquey and don’t want you around. You may feel that invitation to their dinner party is a pity invite and they hope you don’t come because you’d be a seventh wheel. You may think it bothers them to talk about anything other than married life, for your benefit, when you’re around.

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They want your friendship

I’ll say it as many times as I have to: married people want single friends. Singles bring a much-needed energy and excitement to their lives. And by the way, it’s not just your single status that makes you appealing. If you’ve always been friends, they’ll always want to be friends—regardless of your relationship status.

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Married people have it all figured out

Singles can look at married individuals and presume they’ve got all the life administration stuff figured out, like bills, home decorating, Roth IRAs, and career stuff.

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Marriage doesn’t solve life

There is no correlation between being married and having life figured out. Your married friends also struggle with managing finances and can be lost in their careers. Likewise, plenty of single individuals do have life totally figured out.

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Married people are stuffy and snobbish

I’ve noticed a trend of my single friends saying they feel uncomfortable at married people parties—like they’re at a stuffy country club event and cannot be themselves.

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Married people party, too

First off, it’s funny when singles say this because it’s not like at single friends’ parties they’re dancing naked on a countertop and doing body shots off of other guests. What is this “being themselves” they apparently can’t do at a married friend’s house? But furthermore, married people still party. They don’t need the vibe of their parties to be similar to that of a baptism.

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They all just settled anyways

This one is sad and rather insulting: a lot of singles will talk about married individuals and say they probably just settled, and don’t really love their partners.

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It’s depressing, and barely true

Sure, some people just settle. But, for the record, there are plenty of unmarried couples who are living together and staying together for years who are also settling. It’s not only married people who are guilty of this. But also, a lot of married couples genuinely love each other. They wouldn’t have gone through all the time and money it took to plan a wedding if they didn’t.

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They’re embarrassed of single friends

I don’t know why, but many of my single friends believe their married friends see them as the wild card, the black sheep, or the unpredictable one. They really think their married friends are embarrassed of them.

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Married people aren’t your parents

Just because a friend gets married, doesn’t mean she suddenly takes on a role of your judgmental mother. She wasn’t embarrassed of you before, and she isn’t embarrassed of you now.

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