Valentine’s Day In A New Vs Old Relationship

February 13, 2019  |  
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valentines day activities

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I’m approaching my seventh Valentine’s Day with my man and I was just reminiscing on how the holiday has gone through many transformations over the years. In fact, I was just driving by the many stores in my neighborhood gearing up for the Hallmark holiday—the coffee shop is selling some special lover’s latte and the lingerie stores have in all the pink and red lacey stuff—and I was feeling sorry for the poor suckers who get dragged into it all. Don’t get me wrong: my man and I celebrate Valentine’s Day. But, we don’t put as much importance on it as we used to because, well, every day is special to us now. We show our love in less glamorous but certainly meaningful ways every day. We don’t really need to go all out just one day of the year, since we are there for each other 365 days of the year. Here is how Valentine’s Day looks in new versus old relationships.

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New: Lots of presents

In a new relationship, you break the bank on V-Day. There will be jewelry. There will be tickets to an expensive concert. There will be lingerie. There will be candy. You work extra hours to pay for it.

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Old: Honesty about budgets

My man and I are too familiar with each other’s budgets at this point to in good conscience allow one another to spend a lot on Valentine’s Day. Heck, we have savings goals together now and dropping $200 on V-Day isn’t part of the plan.

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New: $100 worth of flowers

In the new relationship, you’re smothered with flowers. You wake up to bouquets everywhere or you arrive at work to find your desk covered in roses. And, keep in mind that roses are expensive.

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Old: A flower is a big deal

Last year, while I was in the bathroom waiting for my blackhead removal mask to dry, my boyfriend pushed open the door to reveal just one red rose he’d picked up for me. He put it on the toilet. That made me smile a lot. But I’m glad he didn’t buy more because flowers die and are a bad investment.

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New: Early reservations

In a new relationship, there is a lot of pressure to make that reservation. And it can’t just be any reservation. It has to be at one of those trendy places with the $75 pre-fixed menu and a long wait.

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Old: Just going somewhere quiet

All we want to do now is not cook, and not deal with crowds. We specifically avoid the hot V-Day spots. We ask ourselves, “Where would nobody go tonight?” and that’s where we go.

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New: Making an elaborate meal

If you stay home in a new relationship, you cook something elaborate. You’re making lobster tails and filet mignon. You’re picking up very good wine to pair it with. You’re making a chocolate lava cake.

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Old: Ordering in

If we stay in, we’re ordering in. Really, though—our gift to ourselves is not cooking or cleaning dishes.

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New: Buying a dress

I used to buy a new dress to wear on Valentine’s Day. It would, of course, have some pink and red on it. Maybe it would have hearts or roses. It would push up my boobs and accentuate my curves.

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Old: Just putting on some makeup

Now, about 15 minutes before I’m going to see my man on V-Day, I think, “I should probably brush my hair and put on some makeup. A bra would be useful, too.”

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New: A long-winded card

It’s funny that in a new relationship, you actually write more in the card. What is there to say? You barely have any history. But you find a way to recount every memorable moment from the…nine months you’ve been dating…in the card.

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Old: A short but funny card

Now our cards are short but funny. We reference an inside joke. We even make a joke about how we only bought the card because we had to. That’s that.

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New: You have sex. Obviously.

In a fresh relationship, you’re obviously banging on V-Day. You wore special underwear. You got a wax. You shaved every nook and cranny. You bought chocolate-flavored lube.

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Old: Sex may not be on the schedule

We’ve been together for a while so our sex life has gone through some changes. We have a sex schedule. It’s casual, but it pertains to moods, menstruation, food comas etc. If V-Day falls on a sex day, great, but if not, we aren’t banging.

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New: It’s a bit awkward

Valentine’s Day is actually rather awkward in a new relationship. If you’ve been dating for under 18 months or so, you still have that feeling like is this even going anywhere? And yet, here you are, spending a lot of money and time on the holiday.

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Old: It’s actually meaningful

Even though we don’t make as much of a spectacle of it, V-Day actually means more to us each year. We really are celebrating a love—a deep, committed, long-lasting love.

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