The sex life of a couple really is its own beast. It has a heartbeat and needs, like a living thing. You’d never know, by looking at a couple, what their sex life is like. The wildest couples might be pretty vanilla in bed. The quietest couples might have a sex dungeon. Very happy couples may not have done the deed for months. Couples who fight all the time might do it every night, regardless of their disputes. While a couple’s emotional dynamic certainly goes through phases, that part of the relationship often stabilizes pretty quickly—it either works, or it doesn’t, and the couple breaks up. But a couple whose emotional life is very healthy can still experience a sex life that goes through a lot of shifts. Especially when they’re together for a long time. Here are sex life stages every relationship goes through.
Finding your rhythm
It’s rare that the first few times you have sex with someone are amazing. You’re both still insecure, and not sure what the other one is into. You’re coy and careful. Or, you come in too hot and shock the other one. Either way, it can be clunky at first—that doesn’t mean things can’t be great (my sex life with my partner of six years has only gotten better and better).