There’s a lot of talk out there about “toxic masculinity” and “aggressive alpha males.” But, like with most stereotypes and clichés, it’s only the most extreme and the most embarrassing of the groups that give a bad name to the rest. Forgive me if I’m not supposed to say this in the current climate but, I kind of like my man to be…like…a bit masculine. It’s what attracts me, a heterosexual woman, to men. Sure, bad alpha males sometimes pick bar fights, but the good ones walk on the side of traffic and step in front of harm’s way, for you. But my largest concern with all this alpha-male bashing is that it seems to have put beta males on some sort of pedestal. And that group is not perfect either. In fact, just like there are “bad” alpha males there are “bad” beta males and, in their own, sneaky ways, they are more domineering and controlling than alphas. Here are subtle ways beta males are actually very bossy.
They understand your fashion
The beta male may actually pay attention to your outfits and critically think about your questions like, “Is this top too much?” That also means they might make petty, overly critical comments about your outfit—comments for which you never asked.
The outfit’s not for him anyways
While the alpha male may like when his partner shows off her figure, the beta male likes a partner who is impeccably dressed. In other words, he’s a diva. He can be more critical of your apparel than your mother because he thinks it represents him. But, newsflash to all men: our outfits aren’t for you—they’re for us. Okay, and our friends.
They don’t like when you party
If you want to enjoy yourself, throw back some drinks, have a round of shots with your girls, or dance on a bar, the beta male might be embarrassed. Why? Because he doesn’t know how to party.
Then he can stay home
While alpha males can take things too far and get odd tattoos and make bad decisions when drunk, beta males…can kill the fun and make you feel bad for having any.
They’re that restaurant customer
Your beta male might be that restaurant customer who keeps raising his hand to say something like, “Um, excuse me, I asked for my romaine lettuce cut into small pieces and these are stilly pretty large.”
There’s really only room for one person in the relationship to be a difficult customer at restaurants. And the beta male is as annoying as four difficult customers.
They’re babies about friends
Alpha males may dominate conversation, but beta males don’t think they even have a social responsibility to say one word to people they less-than-love. They’ll stand back awkwardly, silently when you try to talk to friends—they just want to talk to you and nobody else.
Be an adult and talk to the adults
Beta males can be like the bratty child to whom you have to say, “You’re being rude. These are nice people. Just because you don’t want to be here doesn’t mean you get to ignore everyone.”
They complain you don’t have sex
When the beta male wants to get laid, he’ll complain that you two never have sex. And while it’s good that you initiate sex sometimes, he expects you to all of the time. If you don’t, he just whines and throws a tantrum about it.
Just initiate sex, pal
Beta males seem to forget that they always have the option to initiate sex within their relationships. They don’t just get to sit on their thrones, and complain about not getting any—they’re not entitled to it.
They whine when you’re away
If you leave the beta male for too long, he’ll call you, whining again, “Where aaaare yooooou? I’m all alooooone.”
Occupy yourself. Fix something
Sometimes you just want to tell the beta male, “I’m busy. Can’t you be an alpha and, like, grab a tool box and fix something that needs fixing?”
They make fun of alphas
Beta males talk a lot of sh*t about alpha males, too. They make animal noises and scratch their armpits, implying that alpha males are Neanderthals. They stare and sneer when alpha males high five during sporting events.
It only highlights their beta-ness
The thing is that, when a beta makes fun of an alpha, it only highlights how very, very beta he is. In a bad way.
Betas are babies
Ultimately, I think the ideal man is a combination of beta and alpha. He’s sensitive without being overly sensitive, and assertive without being aggressive. But the bad betas are just children you wind up taking care of.