Gettyimages.com/Laughing couple sharing drinks with friends on rooftop restaurant deck on summer evening
I’m a big proponent of regular girl time. When it’s just me and my girls, something comes alive inside of me. I try to take at least two girls trips a year—just estrogen-filled weekends, away from our relationships and responsibilities—and I always come back feeling inspired, refreshed, and overall warm and tingly. Great things happen when women get together, and leave the men out. But those great things can’t happen if you’re the friend who always brings your man to girl’s night (or girl’s weekend!) If you do this, and are wondering if your friends notice—they do. If you’re wondering if it bothers them, it kind of does. It has nothing to do with how much they love or don’t love your man—I bet they adore him! But girls’ time is sacred. If you bring your man to girls’ night, here’s what your friends want to say to you.
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Hey, everybody wants to be with their man
Hey, for the record, they love being with their boos, too! It wasn’t easy for them to pull themselves out of the snuggle (or sex) and leave their love nest for girls’ night. If you think you can bring your man because you’re more attached to him than your friends are to theirs, that simply isn’t true.
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But nobody else brought their boo
Your friends did it though—they tore themselves away from their soul mates for the day to have girls’ time. If they can do it, then you can do it. And, you have to sort of take a hint if you notice nobody else ever attempts to bring their man to girls’ night.
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Girl time is important
Girl time, with just the ladies, is important. It’s important for you as an individual and it’s important for your friendships. Your romantic relationship is not the only one that requires alone time and a lot of attention. Your friends deserve your undivided attention, which they just don’t get when your man’s around.
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If they want a double date, they’ll plan one
Look—if they wanted a double date, they would have asked for one. And they often do ask for one! But they didn’t broach the topic of a double date this time because that’s not what they were in the market for. But now you’ve made it an…incomplete double date? It’s just weird.
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Even if he’s “one of the girls”
Yes, they know he’s one of the girls. He can gab about the things you like to talk about. Periods don’t scare him. He is feminine and gentle. Nobody is doubting that. But he’s not one of the girls—he’s just like one. But he’s still a dude.
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There’s nothing like actual girl time
It’s just not the same when a guy is there. You can try to say, “Just ignore him—he’s happy to tag along” but nobody going to listen to that. There’s an extra person here—a male presence—and it changes things.
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Your friends can’t fully open up
Your friends can’t fully open up about some of the things they were hoping to talk about when a man is there. They’re not as close with him. He doesn’t have the context for everything. His presence puts limits on the conversations.
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They worry some topics bore him
Your friends also can’t help but worry that some of the things they want to talk about will just bore your man. And they don’t want to have to edit themselves.
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They’re not as close with him
They’re not as close with him as they are with you, or as you are with him. You can assure them that he’s totally open-minded and cool with anything, but they don’t know that firsthand through years of experience the way you do. You’re asking a lot of them by telling them to just “talk about whatever” in front of your man.
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So having him around requires effort
Your friends feel pressure to include your man—to ask him about his life and get his updates. It goes from this totally relaxed, wonderfully loose hang to a more rigid one where they feel like they need to include your partner. They’re worried about making him feel included, and that wasn’t supposed to be a dynamic today.
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Yes, they get he is your best friend
They get that he’s your best friend. If he’s your best friend, and you’re their best friend, they must love him—right? Yes but again, their need for an all-girls’ night has nothing to do with their not liking your partner. And think about it: you wouldn’t like if they brought even a brand new female to the group for girls’ night. This is about those established female bonds.
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He’s not their best friend
You just have to understand that he’s not their best friend. They’re not with him 24/7 the way that you are. They don’t have the built-in rapport and inside jokes. When you bring him, you create the added task of your friends getting to know your partner better…on girls’ night.
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Don’t you live together?
If you live with your man then, come on—really now. You can step away for a few hours. If you can’t then, you have codependency issues on your hands.
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They won’t tell you not to bring him
Your friends won’t tell you not to bring him. Yes, you do a good job of asking, “Is it okay if I bring my man?” rather than just showing up with him. But the truth is, they’re never going to say, “No.” So you put them in a position in which they have to be bitchy to get what they want.
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So don’t take advantage of their silence
Make the decision for yourself that your man can’t come to girls’ night. Stop putting the choice on your friends.
