Dating a narcissist, at first, can feel incredibly exciting. You have to understand that narcissists choose their relationships—from platonic to romantic and even to familial—based on personal gain. They do not choose romantic partners because they believe that partner deserves love and kindness. They choose partners because they believe their partner can give them things—an ego boost, a better social ranking, or emotional support. Narcissists only come from a place of take, take, take. But, in order to do that, they at first need to pretend to come from a place of give, give, give. So they give you lots of compliments, they give you lots of gifts, and they give you lots of attention. This is all so that, later, when they turn on you, you feel obligated to stay. But you aren’t obligated to a narcissist. Here is why you can never be happy with a narcissist.
They think they know what’s best for you
Narcissists believe they know what’s best for everyone. They believe they know what’s better for you even more than you know what’s better for you. For that reason, they tend to be pretty bossy and instruct you on how to live your life. They even become angry when you don’t take their advice.
They tend to focus on money
Narcissists are very fixated on their reputation and on the appearance of power. What gives someone the appearance of power? Money. So they’ll always want to eat at the most expensive restaurant, even if you say you want to go to your favorite hole-in-the-wall joint. And they won’t understand you working a low-paying job that you love. Everything is about the cash for them.
They think lying is okay
Because narcissists believe that they know what’s best for everyone, they also believe that lying is okay. So long as they are lying to achieve a result that they believe is in everyone’s best interest, they’ll do it.
They can justify cheating
Narcissists often justify cheating, too. Here’s the thing: narcissists tend to think that they are God’s gift to man kind and that they should share that with as many people as possible. They also think that, even if they are cheating on you, they’re the best catch you could possibly get. So they think you’re still getting a good deal by being with them, unfaithful and all.
They don’t let things roll off their shoulders
Narcissists have a lot of pride. If they feel someone has slighted them—even in a tiny way that doesn’t affect their life at all—they won’t let it go. They’ll find ways to embarrass that person and get revenge.
They assert power, just because
Narcissists always need to be the most powerful person in the room. They hate having anyone tell them what to do. So they’ll give the restaurant hostess $50 to let them steal another couple’s reservation, even if waiting for a different table would’ve only taken 15 minutes. It’s gross behavior that makes everyone around you hate you, because you’re with that person.
If you don’t enhance their life, they stray
Narcissists only date for personal gain—never forget that. So if your life, for even a day, makes you so preoccupied that you cannot be on their arm as a trophy at an event or listen to them vent, they start looking elsewhere. The really see it as your job to enhance their life.
They’re terrible listeners
Narcissists always have an agenda. They cannot purely listen. When you vent to them or tell them about your life, they’re listening for information they can later use against you.
They’re always wondering if you’re worthy of them
Narcissists do not approach relationships from a viewpoint of, “Am I being the best partner I can be? Am I worthy of my partner’s love?” Instead, they approach them with the viewpoint of, “Is my partner being the best partner to me that she can be? Is she worthy of me?” which makes them awful partners.
They aren’t happy for your happiness
If the thing that makes you happy doesn’t somehow also improve their life, they cannot be happy for you. Narcissists cannot take genuine joy in the happiness of others.
They always have something to prove
Narcissists always have something to prove. They’re showy. They’re obnoxiously assertive. They dominate conversations. They disrupt the natural ecosystem of social situations, which makes your friends hate them.
They’re all about reputation rather than experience
Narcissists don’t care so much about what they experience as they do about what others think of them. They will always choose the hotel, the outfit, the event, the restaurant, the car, and the partner, that they believe makes them look best to the outside world.
They don’t couch their criticism
Narcissists will give you pretty harsh criticism. They don’t know how to put things gently and they fixate on things that do not matter—like your haircut or the way you eat.
They will not apologize
Narcissists will never apologize. Even when they do something that most people would see as “wrong” they believe that they are so, overall, correct about everything that they feel entitled to doing mean or bad things. In essence, they believe they’re above the law, even laws of social contracts.
They aren’t appreciative
Narcissists feel entitled to respect, kind gestures, admiration, and affection. They never appreciate anything you do for them; they believe it’s a given you should do nice things for them.