All Articles Tagged "family"
As a woman, what are the things you worry about the most? A new study found that British women worry about their weight more than their finances, personal relationships, or their overall health. Although children and family came in first, weight came in second. Does this have anything to do with pressure from society to be a certain size, or are we putting pressure on ourselves to look good?
Check out the other concerns that made the list:
- Children and family: 84%
- Weight: 67%
- Money: 64%
- Relationships: 52%
- Health: 43%
Get more details on the other findings on StyleBlazer.com.
For many minorities, graduating from college is still a huge achievement. A large number of minority students don’t have parents or relatives who have attended college to assist them with college preparation or the skills that will help them succeed academically. More than 25 percent of low-income first-generation college students leave after their first year and 89 percent fail to graduate within six years.
However, once you prance across that stage into your new life, studies show you are likely to make significantly more money than non-college graduates. And this in turn, means there is a good chance you will be bringing in checks larger than anyone in your family has ever earned.
Being the big shot earner in your family is a fine line to walk. You want your family to know you are successful, but not too successful to avoid getting frivolous requests for money. You want to do nice things for your family, but not too much that they start to expect it. You want to give gifts, but not so often that your family members become ungrateful.
Not only is being the first in your family to make a good living stressful, but if you’re not careful with your giving it can lead you to being broke. So here are some things to keep in mind when dealing with your family and your money.
Only Give What You Can Afford. After graduation and the start of your “fancy” job, even if you don’t say a word about your salary many people in your family will assume you are making lots of cash and don’t realize the debt that can come along with going to school. With the average student loan debt at $27,253, the monthly payment for your education can be one of largest bills eating up your paycheck every month and prevent you from having much to give away to your family. But whether it is student loan debt, trying to catch up on your retirement, or trying to build up your savings if you can barely take care of your own financial responsibilities, you don’t have it to give others. Learn to say no.
Don’t Fall for the Guilt Trip. You’d be surprised how fast people will tell you how you had it so much easier than they did and all the benefits you were given, even if you grew up in the same house. Don’t let this get to you. You should not be penalized or feel guilty about your success. Many times family will ask you for things just because they feel like you have it to spare. When you say no, they somehow make a way to pay for it on their own. I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of someone giving a family member money to pay an important bill, and the next week they somehow found the cash for new sneakers. Giving out of guilt will only create tension if you feel that money that you gave was misused.
Put Your Loans In Writing. If you do decide to extend a loan to a family member be sure to create a promissory note for two reasons. One, if you really need to get your money back, you have an enforceable contract. Two, creating a loan in writing shows your family member you mean business and that you’re not just giving money away willy-nilly. You expect to get your money back.
Being the first in your family to graduate from undergrad, graduate, or professional school and make a good living can seem like a gift and curse. You want to help your family, but you also want to make sure you are in a good financial situation and not being taken advantage of. Many times the whole reason you have worked so hard to become successful is for the benefit of your family. But there is not much you can do to help those in need if you are broke and don’t have your financial situation together either.
To be able to help you have to be in a position of power. So instead of feeling down because you declined to pay your little brother’s phone bill or make your cousin’s car payment, gain comfort in knowing your are working towards building generational wealth that can benefit your brother, cousin and your entire family for years to come.
Growing up, there was always the sneaking of clothes, heated bickering over bathroom time, and jockeying for the front seat. There was also the occasional push out of “my side” of bed and shove in the back for telling “my business.” But for the most part, my big sister and I were girlfriends. She let me tag along with her friends and I made them laugh by making mundane observations: a woman wearing a turtle neck and daisy dukes, an old Rasta wearing a net shirt and white jeans—white jeans! Once, it took us 20 minutes to do a 10-minute walk from the bust stop because we mimicked Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks all the way home.
My sister, a beautiful Amazonian, even beat up a neighborhood bully after he skipped me in line for the park swings. At that time, we were young and our sisterhood was unchallenged by outsiders. If we hated each, it was because we didn’t get our way with one another. Of course we knew that we didn’t have the same father, but our mom, playing the role of both parents, raised us as sisters. Half-sister is a word, a hurtful word that I learned without ever hearing it. I simply felt its cold logic one day.
“Why don’t you look like your sister?”
The guy asking this seemingly simple question was a buddy of mine and I loved him. In middle school, I started to think that my sister was better than me. He looked me up and down, his eyes passing my perfectly round face, bell pepper nose, shapely breast, and skinny legs. We were standing under a tree talking about school, usually a conversation about which teachers we liked, which we didn’t, and why. Most times we gathered under the tree and sat in folding chairs. Standing was unusual and I was nervous for that and for coming so close to revealing my true feelings. I had made him laugh many times during our after school hangouts, but when he asked about my sister I knew that friendship would be our relationship ceiling.
My initial reaction to his question was to take it personal. That reaction played out over years and years. When I presented myself fragile on the topic of being a half-sister, I got plenty stimuli to further my dejection. But for the most part, I batted away the topic, instead of waving it in. If a male friend saw my sister for a first time and I sensed his regard for our physical differences I would say, “We have different fathers.” My tone was passive aggressive like a teacher dealing with an unruly student. I didn’t want to deal with it or appear like I was avoiding it. I sort of wanted to bail both of us out of the misery of finding words to assuage the truth that some pain is unavoidable.
Eventually, my sense or nonsense of family was truly tested when a white boyfriend’s married parents told him they were horrified that my mother had never married before having either of her two children. They were horrified, he was annoyed and I was ashamed. For a brief moment, I questioned my mother’s sense of men, and because my father was inconsistently present and my sister’s father was consistently absent, my view of her choices was not favorable. Indeed, the moment was brief because favoring my mother is easy when I remember that she raised two smart girls by working two full-time jobs.
The other truth that saved me from an estranged relationship with my mother was the fact that she raised us as sisters, not half-sisters. She insisted that people treat us the same and that my sister, and I treat each other better than we treat others. In fact, when my father would take me out without my sister, my mother was furious, often compensating by taking my sister places without me. This was a badly executed way of showing love, and feelings have been hurt both ways. On various occasions, my sister has expressed to me and to my father the hurt she still feels about being left out of a trip to see Michael Jackson in concert. The concert had to be more than twenty years ago—when “Bad” was out—but my sister mentioned it two Christmases ago.
One thing that stands out as a treasure in the chest of our sisterhood, is the fact that my sister and I both absolutely love to laugh. We used to love lame vampire movies like Once Bitten (now vampire makeup and accents are well performed, e.g. “The Walking Dead”). And we still randomly recite lines from the first version of the movie Sparkle.
This summer we will co-host a wedding reception; our single-mom mother is getting married for the first time at 57. Despite the normal sisterhood trials, and perhaps the normal half-sister tribulations, having a sister is one of my best blessings.
We know all parents aren’t this understanding but this story is really touching.
FCKH8.com, a website that sells t-shirts to spread love across all sexualities (in their words, they “fight homo-h8), posted a very sweet letter on Friday morning on their Facebook page that epitomized love. In the letter, an unidentified father told his son, Nate, that he’d overheard a phone conversation about his plans to come out to his dad. In surprising fashion, his dad totally took the pressure off his son.
In the note, he said:
I’ve known you were gay since you were six. I’ve loved you since you were born.”
The dad also added that he thinks his son and Mike, the guy he was on the phone with, make a cute couple.
Well…anybody have a smile on their face right now? Need a Kleenex? We aren’t sure how old Nate is (he’s apparently in school as his dad told him to plan to bring home oj and bread after class) but as many in the LGBT community will tell you, it isn’t always the easiest thing in the world to come out to friends and family members. Some parents are especially hard to tell because some of them have certain life “expectations” for their children and can’t see that being gay, lesbian or bisexual doesn’t necessarily stop those things from happening.
I’m sure Nate took a huge sigh of relief after reading that note.
Do you think or hope you’d be this open if you overheard your child having this type of conversation?
One thing for sure: he never fails to entertain us.
Last year, when we first heard about the emergence of Snoop Lion, more than a few eyebrows raised. Most people assumed that he’d just found out about a religion that openly accepts smoking marijuana and he wanted to be down. But according to the rapper, it is bigger than that: becoming Rastafarian is about where he is in his life.
In a recent interview with Huffington Post, Snoop discussed his critics, his music and where he is in his life:
On his main critic, Bunny Wailer of the legendary group, The Wailers:
I’ve done nothing but what I said I was going to do: Go to Jamaica, make a great record, intertwine with some people, build on some relationships and come back and bring something back to the community. … As far as what people feel about how I’m representing or misrepresenting, that’s for no man to judge. I’m here to do what I’m doing. This is my journey. And for those who don’t like it, I still got love for them.
If he’s converted to Rastafarianism (Snoop grew up Baptist):
I feel like I’m a part of it. I feel like I’m a part of anything that’s positive, that’s loving. And Rastafari is so connected to who I am that I feel like I’m a part of it. Because it is me. It is what I am. And through the spirit of it you want to learn more about it. … I’m just learning. So it’s all brand new to me.
He speaks on the tone of his new music which has very little cursing:
It’s a goal to have songs that represent who I am today. A lot of the songs I got represent who I was, not who I am. It is my music. I love it. It’s my baby. So I’m not going to ever denounce it. It’s just that it’d be nice to have a song about peace and love and happiness and about what’s going on in the world and about addressing some real issues, when that’s what’s important right now. As opposed to just partying all the time and having a good time. That’s not what I’m on.
If he’s serious, you’ve got to respect a person, especially an artist, who doesn’t worry about what anyone will think about where they are in their lives and does what makes them happy. Snoop also noted that becoming Snoop Lion does not mean he isn’t Snoop Doggy Dogg the Crip or Snoop Dogg (who I assume is the rapper/entertainer); in fact, he says it’s all the same.
We’ve got to wonder: If he’s Snoop Doggy Dogg, Snoop Dogg and Snoop Lion, when does Calvin Broadus step in? At home?
What do you think? Do you “accept” and look forward to the music of Snoop Lion?
While Rihanna’s 5.8 million Instagram followers may love her stream of racy pictures, there’s one fan that’s totally against it—her mom.
The Bajan singer, who recently canceled her tour date in Boston due to laryngitis, told Elle UK that her mother humbled her after seeing her Instagram feed.
“I’m not afraid of any person in this world, but my mother, I’m terrified of her,” said Rihanna. “She called me two days ago and reeled me in about two unclothed pictures [my pal] Melissa [Forde] put up on Instagram, a sneak peek from a photo book she’s making about me.”
You’ve got to check out what else she said over on Essence. Many have been wondering what Rihanna’s mom thinks about some of her antics…there you go!
As an adult, does your mom still put a little fear in you every now and then?
America’s favorite case study of familial fame and dysfunction made its way back to the headlines last weekend. Fresh off driveway disputes over the late King of Pop’s estate this summer, the latest Jackson family gossip has LaToya Jackson stepping up to take the heirs of the family fortune under her wing. According to reports, LaToya signed all three of her brother’s children to her Ja-Tail enterprises talent agency. Her nieces and nephews would be the agency’s only clients. LaToya later denied the claims.
It’s tempting to judge the Jacksons. But we have to remember, when money’s involved it’s always about more than money. Money triggers emotions. Add in family drama and income equality and it’s easy to understand how things repeatedly get out of hand.
The breadwinner of the family seems like the best role to be in in all this mess, but the position comes with responsibility and stress. Just ask Michael and Janet. Money gives you more power in business and family. An imbalance of power means one thing – drama.
Even if you haven’t eclipsed your family’s earnings yet, it’s probably something you should start preparing for if it’s in your future. Women are increasingly becoming the breadwinners of their households. And the income gap between rich and poor continues to grow.
We’ve combed the web for advice from financial and relationship experts to help you navigate the rocky terrain where family and funds overlap. Paris Jackson, this one’s for you.
Understand That Money Makes People Crazy
Don’t take it personally when your sister feels you owe it to her to pay her credit card bill, or your cousin tells your aunty you’ve changed. Psychiatrists have proven that people generally feel worse about themselves the more they feel they earn less and have lower social rank than those around them. Try and be empathetic to the emotional impact your difference in wealth has on your family.
Have A Plan For Your Money, Honey
When you experience an increase in wealth, the first step is one of adjustment and planning. Decide what type of life you want to live and the personal financial goals you want to set for yourself. Don’t think about your family during this stage. This is your money, so take care of you first. You can’t help anybody if you’re broke too.
Empower, Don’t Enable
Money doesn’t fix everything. If a family member comes to you with a need, discuss other options that could remedy their problem. Asking for money is a simple solution, but it might not be the best. Use your wealth to empower your family to be self-sufficient rather than taking care of them. That goes for friends, too. Learn from MC Hammer and his 40-member entourage.
Give What You Can & Don’t Keep Score
Only lend money you can afford to lose. If you won’t miss the money, just give it as gift. Money is a notorious relationship destroyer. Avoid feeling bitter about a transaction later by being upfront about your ability to part with the money, and the other person’s ability to pay it back. Furthermore, communicate! Address problems when they arise. If you plan on leaving your money to your kids and giving your siblings the cold shoulder, say that while you’re alive. A lot of money problems are made worse because people are so uncomfortable talking about them.
C. Cleveland covers professional development topics and entrepreneurial rebels who blaze their own career paths. She explores these stories and more on The Red Read, Twitter (@CleveInTheCity) and Facebook (/MyReadIsRed).
Tameka Raymond, if you’ll recall, had quite a traumatic 2012.
While she lost primary custody of her two youngest sons with singer Usher, the saddest thing that could happen to a parent occurred: she had to bury her son. Kile Glover, who was only 11 years old, was killed when a man, allegedly a friend of the family, lost control of his jet ski and ran into an inner tube that Glover and another young friend were sitting on.
Well, in what some are considering shocking news, TMZ has learned that 38 year old Jeffrey Simon Hubbard has been arrested for the accident. He was indicted on Thursday by a grand jury and is charged with Homicide by Vessel, Serious Injury by Vessel and Reckless Operation of a Vessel.
Hubbard is currently being held in a Hall County, Georgia jail without bail. He will see a judge at some point this weekend to see if he can be released on bail.
It will be interesting to see what evidence led to this arrest seven months later because by all initial reports by the police, Hubbard was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol at the time. It, sadly, seemed like a tragic and unfortunate incident.
There has been no comment at this time from Tameka or her ex-husband and Kile’s father, Ryan Glover.
If he were younger, Joe Jackson would tear Jermaine’s behind up over this foolishness.
According to TMZ, a Los Angeles judge granted Jermaine Jackson’s petition to change the spelling of his last name to “Jacksun” on Saturday.
The former Jackson first submitted his petition for the change back in November and only cited “artistic reasons” as the need for this. He wasn’t in court as the announcement was made; instead, he was overseas on tour with his brothers, The Jacksons.
This still seems so weird, doesn’t it? First of all, Jermaine is 58 years old; if you’re just trying to do something to up your entertainment value, it is absolutely too late. You missed the boat and no one cares. Second, while we all know the Jackson family has had their fair share of scandal, if people like Janet and the late Michael never felt the need to change their last name, why does Jermaine?
He couldn’t just start performing and making sure that everything for his stage name was listed as “Jacksun?” What about his children? Apparently, he doesn’t even realize that they now have a different but “still the same” last name.
Perhaps when he’s off tour and back in Los Angeles, Jermaine will reveal what his plans are with this new name.
It looks like congratulations are in order for the couple!
Well, surprise surprise. No, we really mean that.
By all accounts – meaning their respective Twitter accounts – NY Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora and former Miss Universe Leila Lopes are engaged. Ladies, shed your quick tear over Osi if that’s what you need to do.
Last week, he tweeted a pictured of them “booed up” with a beautiful backdrop and the caption read, “I love you my beautiful fiancée @leilavlopes.” She then tweeted back the above picture with the same caption.
They’ve been thanking people for their kind words for a few days now so it looks like this is official.
Perhaps this is engagement is so surprising because it appears they’ve only been together since November. They were first spotted when Osi attended her party as she bid farewell to her Miss Universe title. Prior to that, he was seen in September with Elise Neal in what looked like a date. He’s also dated Selita Ebanks and Free, formerly of 106th and Park.
Not to be outdone, Leila was spotted with Russell Simmons most of last summer. In fact, he told her not to become a publicity Slore after he accused her of sending the NY Post’s “Page 6″ a note that he’d sent her flowers the night of her farewell party. He warned her not to “stir up sh…”
So yes, the fact that these two are engaged so quickly is pretty surprising. But hey, “they say” when you know, you know…right?