All Articles Tagged "cheating"
Maybe your twenties really are for exploring options romantically because, Lord knows, it doesn’t seem ideal to be out here dating as a woman in your thirties. Especially when you know what it feels like to be loved. It’s no secret — in most major cities, single women outnumber single men. Especially when they’re of color. There’s a meme on social media that reads, ‘Most single men live with their girl.’ It’s worth a chuckle, but yeah, since finding myself without a significant other at the end of my twenties, I’ve found this statement to ring true.
When you find love at a younger age and end up amongst the wolves in your thirties, it’s an entirely different ballgame. How many times have you heard men speaking about the side chick who’s been there through relationships? And about how loyal she is? This isn’t to say that side chicks don’t have a place in this mess of a dating world we’re in, affairs of the heart can be messy — look at the popularity of reality shows — but the more alarming trend in all this is how many men hope to trick you into side chick status. Making you a side piece before you even know it.
Here’s the scenario:
You meet a guy. He’s a pretty nice cat — smart, thoughtful, unassuming. He pursues you — even asks mutual friends for the ‘rundown’ — then you fall in. Cool. Then you find out he has a girlfriend. You. Find. Out. He doesn’t tell you when asked. Not cool. But he still wants to ‘be’ with you because you two have made a ‘connection.’
Drop him. Quickly. Apt advice right? The thing is that some women will be okay with sharing a man that they feel they’ve found something special in and that’s their prerogative but what about those who don’t want that type of relationship? Shouldn’t they be given the option to choose whether or not they want to be someone’s ‘other woman’? If that’s your thing and you want to hang in there and wait his main relationship out because you feel you’re the better match, it’s on you. You never know, maybe he’ll actually leave his wife or girlfriend and build a new life with you. But you’re better off, because it’s the option you chose.
Too often in the past few years, I’ve heard close girlfriends complain about this same scenario. Asking the guy about his relationship history and he happens to leave out the fact that he’s currently in one. “It would be fine,” one said one night, pouring a glass of Malbec in my living room. “If he would’ve let me know off top. But he was trying to be slick with it.”
Another one chimed in, “I mean, we’re all grown. He could’ve been of service in other ways and you would’ve known not to get your heart involved.” One had been married before and the other, in a long-term relationship, so both knew what that type of commitment entailed and neither was in a rush to get into another one.
Still, both women had a sliver of hope in finding love again — slowly — without having to relegate to being a side piece, most of whom, are waiting around for their certified position as the man’s significant other. His one and only.
Once you’ve been someone’s one and only though, you already know what it is, so it’s tough to settle for being secondary. Even on those days something really great happens and you want to share it with someone. Or when you’re feeling tired and want to vent. It’s like having the best red wine served in the finest glassware to drinking MD 20/20 out of Solo cups — it just doesn’t measure up. And the saddest part of it is that, it isn’t an ego thing, it’s just a matter of knowing your worth because once upon a time, you were treated as if you were worth something.
What would you say to your significant other’s side chick if you could sit her down and talk to her? I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out.
No matter how many episodes of Scandal and Being Mary Jane we love, being the other woman will never be a cute thing. But those TV shows have shown a lot of people the other side of the cheating coin.
A lot of thoughts go through someone’s head when they’re the other woman. Maybe he’s just really unhappy, and maybe I’m special. But we bet if the other woman could sit down and have a conversation with the main woman in his life, those thoughts would change. And it might get ugly.
If you found yourself with a man who cheated and you encountered the other woman, what would you say to them? Would you even bother to say anything at all considering it was your partner who was disloyal?
My Dear Bestie,
I guess you’re probably wondering why the heck I’m sending you a letter when we mostly email or text each other. The truth is, we have had conversations in person and on the phone regarding what I am about to say, and I felt like this was appropriate. There is something about seeing words on paper that help make them a bit more real and easier to process – you can go back to what was written as many times as you’d like.
You have been my girl for many years now. We’ve shared a lot of laughs, tears and everything in between. At the end of the day, you know I am not about throwing shade but coming to you honestly and out of love because I want nothing but the best for you. There’s no easy way to say this so I am not going to sugarcoat things (you know that’s not even my style).
Now, I can’t confirm exactly what’s going on but hear me out…I want to give you a heads up on your husband’s questionable nature since I know it’s been a problem in the past. While on Facebook recently, I noticed his face pop up in the “People You May Know” section. At first I thought this was odd because we were already friends, and then I thought he deleted me because his team didn’t make it into the Super Bowl and I was talking smack. Well, much to my surprise, after clicking on the profile I noticed some of his wall was public where I saw conversations he had with a few women. It wasn’t his profile with photos of you and his children because I was able to pull that one up separately.
I have been going back and forth about whether or not I should tell you this because I don’t want anyone to feel like I am spying on them. You also made the decision to stay with him after finding out he was having inappropriate conversations with other women on Facebook while y’all were engaged. I was there for you then and will be here for you now. Honestly speaking, I have no clue why he would make another profile but as plain as day, it’s him. It actually kinda surprises me that you haven’t seen this as you guys are linked as married – I would have thought it would pop up on your news feed by now…
You know I’d never tell you what to do with your life because at the end of the day it’s yours. You two have a child together and you are stepmother to his children. Only you know what’s best for your family and what you will and will not handle in your marriage. With that said, I wanted to give you a heads up because these days you just don’t know what interactions stay online and manifest in real life. The best way to protect yourself is to have all the cards in front of you so you don’t get blindsided down the road.
Now that you know what I know, I will let this resonate with you. I’m not saying that he’s cheating. I won’t bring this up again and if you want to talk about it, of course I am always here for you.
Stars like Tiger Woods have to be wondering: why do some cheating celebrities get a pass for being unfaithful while others go right under the bus? Well we don’t exactly have the answer to that but we do know there are plenty of entertainers whose philandering ways some didn’t even bat an eye at. Did you forgive these unfaithful celebs like most of us did?
How come we never hear this coming up in the presidential debates? Donald Trump not only cheated on his wife, but married the mistress!
Question: Are some celebrity scandals too big to live down? Mama June has found herself back in the headlines, and Future and Ciara’s drama is still in the news. Those are just some of the celebrity cheating scandals we’ll never forget.
They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but did these cases of cheating revenge go too far?
While the old adage “you can’t judge a book by its cover” usually means not to think the worst of a person, we have some great examples of the exact opposite. Sure they are good-looking, successful and charismatic on the outside and seemingly head over heels in love with the women in their lives. But looks can be deceiving. Here we take a look at some good boys who got caught with their pants down.
There is so much to cheating that goes beyond the physical. In fact, women generally need a lot of emotional and mental stimulation to even get to the point of sex. And if a woman does have a physical affair, it’s likely she’s been having an emotional one long before that. The bottom line is when it comes to women and cheating, it’s complicated. Here are the 8 types of cheating women do.
Who says all of that on-screen chemistry is just acting? The romance in these Hollywood movies was very real, so real that it broke up these celebrity marriages.
Some people view one-time sexual infidelity as a lesser offense than emotional infidelity. The logic goes, sex means less in a relationship than other forms of intimacy, and one-off misdemeanors are less meaningful than long-term attachments. However, when you have bipolar disorder, sex becomes a marker for mood and health that is just as important as other forms of cheating within a relationship.
So, I cheated on a boyfriend once. It was sexual infidelity, not a planned rendezvous behind my partner’s back. It all happened because my man of nine months preferred to work on a Saturday night rather than hang out with me. I can only assume that work was his preference as I suggested dinner and a movie and he demurred, saying he was in the middle of refining his computer program. I’ll be honest, I still don’t know whether his weekend infraction was worthy of me getting angry or not, but I got angry. I firmly believe, as I believed then, that people in a serious relationship need to see each other every Saturday night. Clearly my boyfriend didn’t agree, and I wondered whether he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was angry and I didn’t know what to do with my anger.
Instead of thinking about my feelings or deciding to have a talk with my man, I called my best friend and made plans to meet her at a bar. My situation could best have been described as “on tilt.” Poker players use the term to describe making a wildly inappropriate bet after losing a big hand. Getting rejected, however slightly, was me losing a big hand and I needed a way to make up for the negative feelings I had by betting on another man. When my friend and I sat down at the bar, there was a somewhat attractive man near us. We began talking to him and learned he was from out of town. I bought him a few drinks and decided that I’d be sleeping with him that night.
The details of my dalliance are unimportant, only that it took place at my friend’s apartment because she lived closer to the bar. Apparently I’d lost all sense of judgement in pursuit of a sexual infidelity that would make me feel something other than I’d felt being rejected my my boyfriend. The next morning, I felt completely retched. I knew that what I’d done could wreck my relationship even though I believed I was somewhat justified in having done it. Perhaps I could make my man understand how his rejection — or any rejection — made me feel like I was a worthless person. Like nobody would ever love me. Like I needed to grab onto any positive feeling for dear life whenever and wherever I found it.
But I didn’t talk about how I felt. Instead I tried to make up for my sexual infidelity by turning up at my boyfriend’s house unannounced. I somehow thought that my presence would erase my guilt and right my emotional instability. Of course it didn’t, instead leading to an annoying conversation about boundaries and something I didn’t quite hear because I was too busy crying. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the man from the night before because I wasn’t sure that I could handle the immediate judgment and likely breakup; I was already too fragile, too volatile. And I needed the positive feeling of knowing I was in a relationship, even if it wasn’t perfect.
I never did tell my boyfriend that I’d slept with another man. We had a mutual breakup a few months later, when my bipolar depression was less acute and I realized that being single was better than settling for a little bit of happiness. I don’t believe I’ll be cheating on another boyfriend. My emotions are much more stable than they were then, and I don’t think I can handle any extra guilt in my life. I’ll just stick with whatever I have for the moment.