All Articles Tagged "cheating"
Some women are more than willing to forgive their man for cheating. Some say, and believe, that infidelity can be overcome if the right amount of time, effort, and emotions are put into forgiving. However, even if you are able to forgive your man for cheating on him, you’re never able to forget the experience and emotions that you were put through. Once infidelity has made its way into your relationship, things are rarely ever the same; hence are 14 legit reasons to dump a cheater, even if you think you can forgive him.
Note: These reasons are more pertinent to relationships, rather than marriages.
Many artists write songs with words that have double meanings to provoke thought, but these 15 songs proudly boasted about creeping on the down low. Check out our list of the messiest R&B songs around.
Piece Of My Love
Guy helped usher in a new era of music with a new jack swing feel in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Founded by Teddy Riley, the group became popular for its thumping, booty-shaking beats and lyrics. In “Piece Of My Love,” lead singer Aaron Hall promised to save some of his loving for one very special woman but cautioned she could only have a piece of him because he belonged to someone else. As one person on YouTube put it: “baaaaasically this song is saying you can have this d!ck, and that’s about it.”
With coquettish conversations by the water cooler, hour-long lunch dates, and flirty exchanges at the copy room, getting attention from co-worker seems easier to get sometimes than that from her man at home. As a result, Victoria Milan (VM) – an online dating website — found that women often experience their first unfaithful experience with a man at the workplace, a new survey reveals.
A shocking 36 percent of women have had their first affair with a co-worker; 28 percent of women claim that “it was a boss or colleague that made them want to start cheating on their partner in the first place,” according to the study. Twenty percent of women claimed it was a partner’s friend who coerced them into infidelity.
“We all have felt attracted to someone at work, and many well-known fantasies occur in an office,” said Sigurd Vedal, the company’s founder and CEO. “Obviously many of us see the taboo of sex in the workplace and find that this contradiction makes the office an ideal place for a passionate affair.”
The reason why women gravitate to their co-workers, according to the study, is frequent interaction with temptation, which arouses sexual tension. “This is perhaps a natural consequence given that when the passion at home is gone we may be more open to feel attraction to others in the other place where we spend so much of our lives: at work,” VM says. “Working hand-in-hand with others fosters interpersonal relationships which can in turn sow deeper feelings.”
Coming in at second place, strangers — often encountered at bars or clubs — win the affections of married or attached women with 18 percent of the votes. Sixteen percent of women have caved in to infidelity with an online flirt. “The experts at VM expect that more and more people will continue to meet online for their infidelities as it becomes easier and safer,” the survey revealed.
Less than half, 43 percent, said they wouldn’t do it again and nearly 20 percent admitted they would do the deed again — the same exact way they did it the first time.
Researchers at VM surveyed 3,256 female members.
From Single Black Male
You have your suspicions and that phone of his is staring up at you from the side table next to the bed. It’s practically screaming your name vying to get your attention. You stare in its direction for far too long then your good sense kicks in and you ask yourself, do I really want to snoop in his phone?
This is where things can get tricky. You need to make sure that you are real with yourself. The minute that you decide to sneak around and riffle through your partner’s cell phone you are making a statement. You don’t have trust in your relationship—at least not on your end.
When you decide to embark on a search and seizure mission you have to be emotionally prepared for what you may find. One morning I went looking and I found exactly what I was looking for, signs of deception. Our relationship was rocky and admittedly on its last leg. I wanted it to be right but we had gone through so many ups and downs that I was barely hanging on. He was running late for work and he’d left his gym bag in the backseat of his car. I volunteered to grab it for him.
As if a sign from the universe, on queue, as I slid into the driver side the cell phone that I didn’t know was in his car chimed. Naturally I picked it up from the center console. As I held this treasure of information in my hand I looked at the screen. I couldn’t resist. It was almost as though he wanted me to look through his phone because it wasn’t locked! My palms were starting to sweat and I was petrified of being found out but I scrolled fast and managed to speed read through kinky message exchanges with “Veronica,” emails with some other chick and the line that caught my attention and dropped my jaw, “I couldn’t do it, I’m going to keep my baby.”
Read more at SingleBlackMale.org
Q: Is it possible to love your spouse and family, but still constantly need an outside sexual outlet?
A question as old as time, do unfaithful men really love their spouses and family? As usual, it depends, but in most cases, I would say yes. Some would argue that if a man truly loves his wife, then it would be impossible for him to cheat. For a number of reasons, I disagree.
I think we can all agree that cheating, if caught, causes pain to the person you love. However, no one can honestly sit here today and claim they have never hurt someone they loved or that loved them. We hurt people we love all the time—through lying, cheating, or merely failing to live up to their expectations of us. To say you have never hurt someone you love, purposefully or accidently, is disingenuous. The difference between cheating and many other categories that might cause pain for our loved ones is that cheating is one of the few well within our control. Let me state this plainly, in 99.8% of cases, cheating is a conscious choice.
So, how can a man knowingly commit an act he knows will hurt the woman he claims to love?
That’s easy: he is selfish or lacks respect for the relationship. Many have argued on this very site and abroad whether monogamy is natural. I don’t know why this is such a frequent debate. Whether monogamy is natural or not is completely irrelevant. When you agree to be in a committed relationship, you are agreeing to be committed, in a relationship. It is not rocket science. There is nothing to be confused about or debate.
When agreeing to be in a committed relationship, you are saying that regardless of your views on monogamy or commitment, you agree to be faithful to this person. That is, quite literally by definition, what commitment means.
I know many men waiting to “settle down” because they are waiting until that fateful day when they are no longer attracted to more than one woman. When these type of men ask me for advice, I tell them that they will be waiting exactly one day past forever if that is the miracle they need to witness before they settle down with one woman.
To be clear, some men have no problem being faithful to women. Further, not all men will be unfaithful. However, I advise men who are likely to be unfaithful – and they usually know who they are if they are honest with themselves – not to settle down until they can resist their lesser impulses and poor-decision making. For most men, the opportunity to be unfaithful is not a question of if, it is a question of when?
Regardless of age or maturity, if you are a man who cannot resist sleeping with a woman every time the opportunity presents itself, regardless of your relationship status, then you have no business being in a relationship. This, however, is easier said than done.
Contrary to popular belief, men are not much different than women when it comes to commitment. Sure, statistically speaking, men take longer to settle down, but most men will commit to one woman within their lifetime, usually by marriage. Like women, most men do not want to die alone or never find true, meaningful love. Any man who says otherwise is either lying, jaded, or has likely never experienced or witnessed a truly happy relationship (Editor’s Note: This is separate from men’s views on marriage and divorce. For the context of today’s post, I am addressing men’s desire to eventually be with one woman, committed or legally married.)
While we can all agree that cheating is wrong, this is independent of the fact that a man can still love the woman he is cheating on. In fact, it is highly un-likely that he loves the other woman (or man, no judgment) he is cheating with. Unlike many women, many men view their sexual connections as separate from their emotional ones (again, a separate discussion/issue from today’s post). Instead, these types of men are failing to respect their relationship and their family, likely because they are too immature, too selfish or in very, very, very rare cases, addicted to cheating.
Given all that I’ve covered here today, I do believe that a man can love his wife and family but still be unfaithful. To me, loving someone and respecting the constraints of a committed relationship are related, but they are not dependent. Am I excusing cheating? No, please do not make that assumption, because that will only show me you lack reading comprehension. Let me state this plainly and forthright: cheating is wrong. Everyone knows that. But, do I believe a man can inflict heartache – in this instance, through cheating – while still loving his spouse and family?
Yes. Nevertheless, should you stay with an unfaithful man just because he still loves you? Well, that is a question you have to answer for yourself.
Do you believe a man can truly love his wife and family while being unfaithful? Can the promise of love without the promise of commitment ever be enough to sustain a meaningful relationship?
WisdomIsMisery aka WIM uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery, and Instagram: WisdomIsMisery.
The usually sweet Mrs. Carmelo Anthony showed a no-nonsense side of herself in a recent interview with GQ magazine when, without hesitation, La La threatened to “cut a motherf***er’s d**k off” for cheating on her. And by mother f***er we mean her husband Carmelo.
Curious where all that aggression came from?
Well GQ was doing a profile on MediaTakeOut creator Fred Mwangaguhunga who, interestingly, is friends with La La. The conversation began with a discussion on that nasty Honey Nut Cherrios rumor that has followed Kevin Garnett and the Anthonys ever since this past basketball season, but today La La is far less concerned about talk about her va jay jay, curious instead about whether Carmelo may have been in anyone else’s but hers.
When she asked Fred if he’s heard anything about her husband being caught up with groupies, he told her:
“No bullsh** came out.”
To that, La La responded:
“Good. Because I’ll cut a motherf***er’s d**k off, okay? And that’ll be the next story.”
Sounds like La La means business, although we have to say the former VJ doesn’t sound half as feisty when we see her vying for her husband’s attention on her reality show “La La’s Full Court Life.” Maybe something got into her that day — or she just felt like she needed to remind Carmelo where home is on a national level. Looks like someone better guard his you know what.
This is a two-part question. 1) If you take a man back after he cheats, have you essentially given him a pass to do it again? And 2) Is leaving a man after he cheats the only consequence that makes him understand the gravity of what he did? The answer to both questions is…it depends.
Universal rules for relationships, despite what most say, are almost nonexistent. What won’t be acceptable to one person may be completely OK to another. The only people who need to be governing what happens in their relationships, are the two (or more if you’re into that kind of thing) people involved. I stress the aforementioned points because I want whoever reads this to understand that there is no real answer to this question of forgiving a cheater. It really does depend on who you are.
First, one must define what is considered cheating. Is it a kiss? Sexual intercourse? Time spent? Does emotional cheating weigh more than physical cheating? Or is it the actual act that is considered cheating and the intentions irrelevant? Once cheating is defined, one must acknowledge what they’re actually upset about. Is it the possibility of someone’s health being jeopardized? Is the threat of emotional cheating what really causes the anger? Does the fact a man considered leaving the relationship for another woman what hurts or is it a combination of all these things?
As adults, we all understand people will only do to you what you allow. There is a chance a man who has cheated and plead his way back into the relationship will feel as if he’s been given a free pass to act on it again. Particularly, in situations where he might’ve felt he didn’t really lose a woman during the process. He simply had to wait her out. On the other side of the spectrum, men are humans and humans make mistakes. Even if a man has made a conscious decision to cheat, it still counts as a mistake (though I’m positive this fact will likely change a woman’s perspective on the behavior). Once he’s been caught, it might be the reality check he needed to realize his woman is more important than the cheap thrills he can find in flings with other women. There’s no real way to be able to say what will happen objectively. The outcome is highly influenced by a number of factors which would have to be determined based on the people involved and what has actually taken place.
If a woman discovers she’s been cheated on, I would tell her to take a step back and assess the situation. Gather as many facts as possible. Take a long look at the man she’s with. Take a look at herself in the mirror. Evaluate the situation as a whole. If she believes there’s something that can be salvaged in the relationship and thinks herself strong enough to deal with a possible repeat offense, staying might be the best course of action. In contrast, if a woman believes there is no possible way she’ll ever have peace because of his actions, leaving would be my first suggestion. The objective in a relationship is to be happy with the person you’re with. I would tell anybody, man or woman, if there’s something telling you that you can’t be happy with that person, walk away.
If a woman can’t be happy with the person she’s with the relationship is bound for failure. She should cut her losses and move on.
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.
I was watching the movie Something Borrowed for the first time the other day and couldn’t believe a movie starring Kate Hudson could be so ratchet…yet so good. Even though I feel like her and Katherine Heigl star in the same movies over and over, this one had me glued to the screen. It’s about a woman who ends up falling for her best friend’s fiancé even though she was the one who initially hooked them up. To this girl’s credit, the friend was an absolute jerk. Still, I always think it’s awkward when your boo and your bestie had a close friendship that preceded your relationship, or when it seems he has more fun with her than you. These behaviors could make you uncomfortable, and might be a cause for concern, especially if your man and best friend are a little too close for your liking.
1. They have one too many “inside jokes”
I used to hate when people abused that “insider” hashtag on Facebook and Twitter. If the joke is so personal, get the heck off Google Chrome and chuckle it up in person. Now imagine, your boo and your best friend constantly giving each other side-eyes and getting their Def Comedy Jam on while you’re sitting there looking lost like, “What is so damn funny?” If your man cares about you, he won’t repeatedly risk your comfort level at the expense of a good punch line. If you find yourself like Drake outside of the Miami Heat locker room and never in on the joke, there’s a chance that’s not the only thing you’re not in on.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years, and we’ve been through thick and thin. I caught him cheating on me several times with the same woman. He finally confessed and said he is as much in love with her as he is with me. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but this relationship has been so hurtful. Please help!
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
All bad relationships tend to leave us with a bad taste in our mouths. There’s nothing worse than being cheated on, or getting hit with a blindsided breakup that seemed to come out of left field.
While you’ve probably heard the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me,” now is a good time to reflect on whether your emotional and relationship baggage is in fact weighing you down (and it is you, not the other person). Here are 7 signs that you have emotional relationship baggage, and 7 ways to get rid of it.