All Articles Tagged "cheating"
Not that cheating is ever justified, but when we see some of these men who cheated with someone less attractive we think, really, you were tempted by that?
Did curiosity kill the cat or the relationship?
There is no better private investigator than a woman with Internet access and a curiosity. I can let you know if your boyfriend is cheating, find the girl he dated in college, and figure out every picture your love interest has liked on Facebook in the past fortnight. Serious q: is the CIA hiring?
I do all sorts of online stalking. My typical daily activities as a single woman include:
1. Lurking my crush’s Facebook
2. Creeping his Instagram
3. Memorizing his Twitter feed
4. Creating a relationship with him in my head
What I’m trying to say is I consider online stalking to be my full time day job, and sometimes I may accidentally, unintentionally, woopsie-daisily bring these behaviors into my relationships.
It paid off though, when dating my ex-boyfriend, who for the sake of this article I will call Demetrius (because why not?).
Did curiosity or carelessness wreck this relationship? Read more on YourTango.
This is more of a general question, not anything I’m asking because of personal experience, just something I’ve observed. While there countless examples of women taking men back and forgiving them after they’ve cheated, why does it appear to be so hard for men to do the same? You may have heard the story of the 99 year old man who divorced his wife of 77 years after he found out about an affair she had 60 years ago or even more recently T.I. scolding his wife on Instagram for posing in a bikini or taking a picture with Floyd Mayweather when his own commitment to their relationship is…questionable. I understand men and women are different creatures but why is it so hard for men to forgive these type of offenses? Do you think they men do forgive more often than we know of and they just don’t talk about it like women do?
I have three somewhat connected but completely separate answers to this question. For clarity’s sake, I’m going to list them numerically.
1. I can’t speak for all men. But I can say with confidence that if you were to poll the men of America, asking them to name the number one relationship dealbreaker, physical infidelity would be at the top of the list. I realize (most) women don’t exactly love it when men cheat as well, but men (generally) are much more non-negotiable when it comes to that.
Why is this true? Well, some people will argue biology, that it’s an inherent quality we (men) possess. Some argue that we’ve been socialized to be less forgiving. But regardless of the base reasons, the emotional reaction is what matters, and when a woman cheats on a man, it makes him feel like his manhood has been taken from him. Basically, she cheated because the other guy was able to provide something physically that he wasn’t. Obviously, there are dozens of reasons — some that have nothing to do with bedroom prowess — that can contribute to a woman’s infidelity, but for (most) men, that “loss of manhood” is the immediate thought. And, for many men, there’s no getting over that.
2. That said…there are many men who welcome back cheating mates. They definitely exist. We just don’t hear as much about them because, well, lemme put it this way: (Generally speaking) Men tend to be less vocal about cheating mates than women are. Again, I’m speaking in general terms, but when a man cheats on a woman and she finds out about it, she’s going to tell everyone from her aunt to her hairdresser. If a woman cheats on a man, he’s going to tell….nobody. Because, right or wrong, he knows it’ll reflect badly on him. But yeah, there are a lot of men who know about their woman’s cheating, but take them back and keep things discreet.
3. This subject is often brought up from a “Why can’t men be more forgiving?” angle. Which is the wrong way to look at things. It’s not that men should be as forgiving with cheating as some women are. No, women should actually be less forgiving.
This — the idea of “cheating zero tolerance” — is one of the few instances where I think it would help women to be more like men. Basically, instead of expecting T.I. to be more forgiving of Tiny, we need to ask why Tiny is so forgiving of T.I.
“All My Trust Has Come Back”: Tina Campbell Says Despite His Cheating, She Loves Teddy, “More Than I Ever Did”
You read that title right.
In a new interview with the ladies over at Sister 2 Sister for their June/July issue, Tina Campbell opened up about the long process she went through to forgive her husband, Teddy, after he cheated on her with multiple women, including a family friend. In this most recent season of Mary Mary, we saw Campbell dealing with the pain of Teddy’s admissions, which he didn’t reveal all at once, but gave her more heartbreaking details over a short period of time. At one point she even said that she tried to stab him when speaking to EBONY about her pain:
“Once I became aware [of the affair], I initially wanted to kill my husband. I was considering adjusting the will, the living trust and all that kind of stuff. I did physically try to stab him. Several times…I never got to the point of physical harm, not really, but my words…My words hurt.”
But she tells Sister 2 Sister that she decided to move forward with the help of her faith and that she fully trusts him again. No snooping for her!
“You want to know the truth? [laughs] All of my trust has come back. I love my husband more than I ever did. I am deeply in love with him. I was just talking to my brother-in-law last night because a lot of my family is even amazed with it. I don’t check on my husband. I don’t check his e-mails. First of all, I’m not that chick. I think too much of myself to be a detective behind some man. And if I’m going to trust you and give you a chance, I’m going to give you a real chance and a real chance is not holding your hand and micromanaging.
Everything I ask my husband, everything I’ve required of my husband through this process, every single thing, he did it. Whatever I asked him, whatever I wanted, whatever I needed… I know every explicit detail of every single thing with every single affair. Every woman can’t handle that, but for me and the stage that I’m gonna be at in my life, I needed to know.
I was tortured. I was tortured dealing with that information, but guess what? I forgave every bit of it, and I love my husband immensely. I love him with all the passion that I have, and I trust him. I believe everything that he told me and I believe in him, and only God can do that.”
When I read this, I could only say “wow,” because the amount of sadness and hurt Tina displayed during this past season of the reality show, I just wouldn’t have expected her to open up and say that she loves him more now than she had before. But kudos to her for not letting her anger eat her up and doing the work with Teddy to salvage their relationship. It isn’t easy…
Check out her full interview with Sister 2 Sister in the new issue, which is on stands now.
It’s all fun and games until somebody gets caught…and put on blast.
The Yard Sale
Bernadette, is that you?
A broe is a bro who is, for lack of a better word, a hoe. You know, a man who has trouble keeping his legs closed. Here’s how to tell if you have one on your hands.
He Keeps A Ton of Condoms Around
He’s out of milk and dish soap, but there are condoms on the dresser, in his wallet, in the glove compartment and under the pillow.
“Nobody Said You Had To Be With One Woman”: Chad Johnson Tries To Justify Cheating, Says Even MLK Was “Hoeing”
In the preview for an episode of Nite Cap with Peter Bailey, Chad Johnson, still doing in-depth interviews about love and why things didn’t work out between him and Evelyn Lozada (a lot of free time I guess), spoke about his issues with monogamy, which seemed to go directly against everything Bailey was saying and standing for. It was definitely a heated but lively back and forth, as Bailey spoke about men messing up good things because of their obsession with sex, and Johnson claiming that love doesn’t pay the bills. But what stood out most from their conversation was Johnson’s statements about Martin Luther King, Jr. and infidelity, which quite a few people aren’t too happy about. Here are some tidbits from that chat:
Johnson: “Nobody said it had to be the way it is. We all trying to follow rules, somebody made those rules up. Somebody made those rules up! Nobody said you had to be with one woman. Nobody said that!”
Bailey: “But isn’t the outcome of multiple women, drama?”
Johnson: “I never had any drama.”
Bailey: Chad…you never had any drama? Chad, the woman you loved got mad at you because you had other women.”
Johnson: “I told the f**in’ truth when I met her!”
Bailey: “But she got mad because of it, so it did cause drama!”
Johnson: “Love ain’t paying no bills man.”
Bailey: “Your idea of love is off.”
Johnson: I’m just telling you the truth.
Bailey: “So you’re not willing to make that sacrifice for that woman?”
Johnson: “I can’t. It’s a great sacrifice but it’s hard to do, and I choose not to sell that dream like I can do it, and that’s the problem now. Why can’t I sit here and tell you the truth?”
On Dr. King And Cheating:
Bailey: “If Dr. King and these guys were realists, we wouldn’t be sitting here. You wouldn’t be sitting in this big ‘ol house. You wouldn’t. When Dr. King was talking this type of stuff and the brothers were like ‘Man, come on man, this ain’t never going to happen.'”
Johnson: “What was Dr. King doing behind closed doors?”
Bailey: “You really going to go there on me, Chad?”
Johnson: “Don’t sugarcoat it.”
Bailey: “It’s been documented that the man had infidelity issues.”
Johnson: “So we not being real right now…You don’t want to say hoeing? Why don’t you just say hoeing?”
Not sure what to make of all he had to say, other than that it’s clear that Chad Johnson really doesn’t seem to believe in love, and now that it’s been made clear like three times already–ladies, run in the other direction (as if there wasn’t good reason to run kicking and screaming before). Check out the preview of his conversation with Peter Bailey below and share your thoughts on his statements:
If you watch “For Better Or Worse” on OWN you know that Tasha Smith’s character Angela can be a bit…abrasive in her approach to relationship drama. If you’ve followed her character since her Why Did I Get Married? days, you’ve seen her cuss, fuss and light Marcus’ ish on fire like some Angela Bassett in Waiting To Exhale type of stuff.
All of her antics lead many people to wonder if the real Tasha Smith is anything like her character. And recently in an interview with theGrio, Tasha Smith offers relationship advice, telling women it wouldn’t hurt them to shut the hell up sometimes, to focus on the positive instead of always dwelling on the negative and don’t beat dudes over the head with the Bible.
But most interestingly, she told women that if a man cheats, just once, and a woman is able to find forgiveness in her heart, she shouldn’t throw the whole relationship away.
“Look I feel like this. No person is perfect. I haven’t, thank God, had any infidelity issues. But you can’t say what you won’t ever do. And you can’t say that you won’t have forgiveness in your heart if there were to be an issue like that. After a certain amount of time that you have established your relationship with your mate, if there is a mistake that’s made and if it’s something….if there is true repentance in that mistake and true change and it’s not going to be an ongoing problem, I feel like, listen ladies, don’t give up your marriage or your relationship over one piece of booty.”
Watch the full interview in the video below and let us know what you think? Can you forgive a man if he cheats just once? Or are you of the mind that once a cheater always a cheater? Do you think she’s giving men license to cheat?
Not that there is such a thing as “good cheating” and “bad cheating” but these celebrity cheaters exhibited a particular lack of self control when they stepped out on the amazing women in their lives time and time and time again.
While dropping my son off at day care one morning, a mommy friend invited me to meet her sister who was visiting. I was instantly intrigued by Bianca*, whose high energy, tight clothes and bright colors were a contrast to my slacks, sweats and earth tones. Because she was so much fun, my husband, Julian*, and I quickly formed a friendship with her. I was the family breadwinner, working 60 hours a week while also earning a business degree. Julian and I had been married for three years, and our love was stronger than ever, but the second I got home from work all I could think about was doing laundry, putting my son to bed and preparing for the next day. Bianca was like a breath of fresh air.
I felt young and free as we started to hang out and she shared steamy stories about her dating life. As someone who never felt sexy, I was fascinated. She was constantly telling me I was beautiful, and the compliments grew. One night we were having a drink when she leaned over and told me she loves going down on women. Then she whispered in my ear, “Let me kiss it.”
Finish the story on Essence.com.