All Articles Tagged "breakups"

Suing Your Ex Doesn’t Make You Bitter

February 9th, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Kevan Brooks/AdMedia/Splash News

Kevan Brooks/AdMedia/Splash News

Earlier today, TMZ reported that Ciara filed a $15 million dollar against her ex-fiancé, Future, for slander and libel. The suit stems from some of the awful comments the rapper made about the singer’s mothering skills after their August 2014 breakup, including his tweets from last month in which he accused her of keeping him from their son.

“This b-tch got control problems … I gotta go through lawyers to see baby future … the f—ery for 15k a month,” he tweeted.

In addition to requesting $15 million in damages, Ciara wants the tweets deleted and a judge to prohibit the rapper from speaking on personal family matters relating to their son.

Within minutes of the news breaking, Ciara became a trending topic on Twitter. And honestly, I was quite surprised by how many people attacked her for her decision to settle their issues in court. Some even implied that the single mom is bitter and not really over her ex.

I don’t know this woman’s life, and none of us really know if she is still holding a torch for Future or not, but I highly doubt that this is motivating her to sue him.With the exception of that breakup song, “I Bet,”  think we can all agree that Ciara has tried to take the high road in this situation, but playing nice has only turned Future into a bully who believes that he can say anything about her without consequence. I mean, clearly his maturity level isn’t permitting them to handle their business privately like adults, so why not let a judge settle it? Is she just supposed to sit around while someone attempts to publicly humiliate her and taint her good name? I think not.

To immediately assume that Ciara, a public figure, is bitter for choosing to defend herself in court (instead of on Twitter) against someone who is attacking her character, ex-fiancé or not, is both childish and basic.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

My Ex Won’t Stop Apologizing

February 1st, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

(As told to Veronica Wells)

Our breakup was so 21st century. It didn’t happen over the telephone but instead, over Skype. And after five years and a couple of “breaks” before, the brief speech he delivered, after a full two hours of conversation, just left me feeling numb. I did everything short of shrug. I simply said “Ok Kenneth.”

He, at times shockingly honest, said, “I thought you would be more…hurt by all of this.”

I told him I was too tired to be hurt. We said goodbye and closed my computer screen.

A month later, I saw that he had a new girlfriend. Obviously a pretty serious one as she was spending the holidays with his family. A family I had come to know and love over the years. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that there was some overlap. But like I said, I was just over it. There was no need to confront, get upset or rehash. What was done was done. And that’s exactly what we were. He just might not have been completely honest about the reasons why.

Anyway, by the time the spring rolled around Kenneth was reaching out to me via e-mail. He wanted to provide clarification. He said if I had any questions about the reasons why and how our relationship ended, he would be happy to answer them. I told him I didn’t have any questions. The reasons really didn’t matter. In my heart and in my mind I knew that there was overlap or at least inappropriate conversations and flirtation before our relationship was officially over. So I didn’t need his confirmation. I told him I wished him the best and even suggested that, out of respect for his new girlfriend, he stop talking to me. He said he had a conversation with new boo. There was an understanding that I would always be in his life, as a friend.

I thought, “I know you lyin!”

I typed: “That’s very selfish of you Kenneth. There’s a good chance that she, as your new girlfriend, doesn’t feel comfortable with you talking to your old one. And if you care about her, you shouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and insecure. We’ll always love each other but we don’t have to communicate anymore.”

And for a full year that did enough to keep him away. After that though, he did reach out to my family members, to tell them how much they’d meant in his life. It was heartfelt and sincere and my family appreciated it. A few weeks after that, he sent me a message saying much of the same. He also apologized for the way he handled things. Not explaining what those things were.

I accepted the apology.

A few months after that I learned that he and new boo were engaged.

My sister saw the news first and was worried about telling me, thinking I was going to have some type of breakdown about my loss love. I told her no. Everything was good. I was happy for him even and I hoped he could be better to her than he was to me.

In fact, I was so happy about the changes he’d made in several areas of his life that I felt compelled to tell him that I was proud of him. I checked with his mother first to make sure it was ok and then I sent him an e-mail telling him so. And that was it.

The two got married this past November and just last week, I got another message from Kenneth. He was reaching out to apologize again. He told me that had a dream about me and took that as a sign that he needed to reach out and apologize…again.

I thanked him again and told him that I’d already forgiven him and I wished him the best…again.

I ran all of this by my family members and my sister seems to think that he’s still apologizing, even now that he’s married, because he’s still holding on to some residual guilt. My brother seems to believe that he’s not entirely over me and is looking for any excuse to contact me. I don’t necessarily believe that’s the case. I would hope not. Plus, I think he’s happy with his wife.

Personally, I feel sorry for him that he can’t forgive himself. I think that it is an admirable quality to apologize when you do someone wrong as opposed to going on about your life. It shows growth. I just want him to forgive himself and let it be a lesson learned honestly.

He knows he didn’t behave as well as he should have. And even though he’s moved on in virtually every area of his life, the guilt is still plaguing him. If that’s not a cautionary tale, for men and women, to treat people properly, even in the midst of a breakup, I don’t know what is.

Are You Still Friends With Your Ex’s Family?

January 21st, 2016 - By Kweli Wright
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

When you’ve been in a serious relationship with someone for a long time, it’s natural for you to be “in” with their family. Their mother becomes your mother; their pesky siblings become your pain-in-the-butt siblings, and their friends become your best buds forever. So what happens when you and your beau hit Itsoverville and decide to go your separate ways?

If you guys ended on a good note, then you’ve probably opted to remain cordial with your now-ex, maybe even friends. So continuing to hang out with his favorite cousin on the weekends or going on those sporadic shopping sprees with his baby sis’ won’t be so complicated. However, if you and your old boo are now each other’s worst nightmares, then this is a whole other bowl of lumped-up gravy.

A bad breakup can not only make you look at him differently, but his family too. Being all up in his mom’s, pop’s, uncles’ and aunties’ faces will be a constant reminder of (“ilk” face) him. And just when you think things can’t get any more vomit-inducing, you start to hear those, “So when are you and my brother getting back together?” or “So, umm…have you spoken to [insert trifling ex’s name here] lately?” lines. And all the bad blood, pain and horrid memories just flood out your poor ol’ heart and mind.

Some of you may have experienced it already, but I know my friend Arielle can personally vouch for the awkward aftermath that can occur when clinging on to an ex’s family. Arielle was in a situation where she stayed in contact with most of her former headache’s family and friends. She had gotten extremely close to his people while they were together, so it was a natural thing for her to keep in touch with them although Jahmir had ripped her little heart to pieces.

Well, after months of being Jah Jah-free, Arielle began to slowly distance herself from his family, too. Because not only would she bump into him while visiting his parents from time-to-time, but she felt like too many of his people were trying to pressure her to get back with him. It was always, “My son is not perfect Arielle, but no man is. He’s made his mistakes but I’ve never seen him love a woman the way he loves you.” Mix the constant attempts at persuasion from his mother with other little nuisances like his brothers trying to set her up to be in the same place with Jahmir at the same time, and you’ve got the perfect pot of “hell naw!”

In Arielle’s case, there was absolutely NO WAY she was going back to Jah Jah, so she decided it was best to separate herself from his pushy family as well. Although Arielle’s attempt to keep it cute with the fam’ didn’t work out so well, I do know of other instances where remaining friends with the family has turned out good, even with not-so-good separations.

But what are your thoughts readers? Should you remain friends with your ex’s family?

Serious Question: Would You Hire A Social Media Breakup Coordinator For $10/Day?

December 9th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Would You Hire A Social Media Breakup Coordinator For $10/Day?

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Can I be honest? I can be quite dramatic after a breakup. I literally want to disappear. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to go to public places. I go mute on social media for months. The pain is so agonizing that I have fantasized about hiring someone to run my life for me until things settle down while I’m off enjoying a sabbatical in some far away land. Obviously, that will probably never happen, but if I wanted to temporarily hand over my social media accounts to a capable professional during these difficult times, it appears that I could.

Researcher and photographer Caroline Sinders has tacked a new title to her resume: Social Media Breakup Coordinator. Yes, you read correctly. The New York-based artist premiered her services on Saturday, December 5 at Babycastles in Manhattan. While she admits that the endeavor is part of a performance art piece through which she “transforms Babycastles into a waiting room of the future for a new kind of life coaching experience,” Sinders insists that her plan was still to help people.

During the event, Sinders offered 15-minute sessions where the following services were provided:

-One-on-one consultation per your social media needs
-Archiving data/information from specific users
-Grouping people into specific lists to organize
-Facebook privacy explained
-Curating your posts to specific audiences
-Pruning your followers/followings lists
-Mute vs. block vs. unfollow
-Emotionally neutral phrases towards unfollowing

According to College Candy, Sinders begins the process by issuing a 21-question assessment to determine her clients’ preferred social media platforms and to establish what they’d like gain from their online presence.

“There are all different kinds of relationships in our networked lives, and they are incredibly intertwined. Social Media Break Up Coordinator is here to help cut some of those ties, without you deleting your accounts,” Sinders explained on the workshop’s Facebook invite. “Think of this as the art of tidying up your social media.”

While it seems that the concept could use a little more fleshing out, the general idea is thought-provoking. The Internet, specifically social media, has birthed all kinds of new and interesting professions and businesses that allow us bail on the crappy tasks that we’d prefer not to be bothered with—for a small (or large) fee, of course. Perhaps allowing your social media accounts to be handled by an experienced professional during times when you’re not feeling very social is the wave of the future.

From what we gather, Sinders is no longer offering these services. However, we’d like to know if you’d be willing to hire someone to take over social media for you during difficult periods. Noirettes, sound off.

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise

The Breakup Of Olitz: When Having A Man Causes You To Lose Yourself

November 20th, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: ABC

Source: ABC

I just have to be real. For the past season and a half, “Scandal” has not had the same allure to me. I know I’m not the only one who feels the same way. I just so happen to tweet for MadameNoire during the show and I saw how the response and reaction to the show went from boiling hot to less than lukewarm, damn near cold.

But I kept tweeting. Partially because I was desperately hoping it would come back around and also because I wanted to see how much further Fitz and Olivia could go. Frankly, the back and forth the two of them go through was working my very last nerve. Week after week, I rooted for Olivia to get her mind right and go ahead and be with Jake, decent man–or as decent as they come on that show–who loved her.

But the heart wants what it wants and Olivia’s heart wanted Fitz.

And personally, I couldn’t stand it.

You might think I had a moral conflict with their adulterous love affair. But that wasn’t it. One, I never thought Fitz was of sound moral character and their dreams of being together were just that, dreams…of the pipe variety.

So, needless to say, the last few weeks of the show, watching Olivia admit, in front of television cameras, to sleeping with the president, seeing Mellie sign divorce papers and be callously thrown out of her own house only to have Olivia moved in, deeply irritated me.

Despite all their wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, I knew from the season 1 of “Scandal” that there was just no feasible way for Fitz and Olivia to be together and be simultaneously happy.

Last night, both Fitz and Olivia realized this. And while I’m sure Team Olitz mourned the ending of their relationship, I rejoiced.

In the same way you rejoice when your homegirl finally realizes the man she’s been going back and forth with since high school is just no good (for her or just generally speaking).

All the signs have been there. But it wasn’t until Olivia got a taste of what she’d always wanted that she realized, nah.

Olivia who was introduced to us as a bawse was looking like a shadow of herself running elusive cookie recipes all over Washington D.C. while Mellie hosted a 16 hour filibuster that stopped the senate from potentially defunding Planned Parenthood. That’s the type of change Olivia is known for, but being with Fitz doesn’t afford her those type of luxuries.

And what’s so interesting is that all this time, Olivia and Fitz both acted like Mellie was always underfoot, scheming and naive. They never acknowledged her sacrifices unless they were getting ready to ask her for another favor. It wasn’t until Olivia got a chance to live Mellie’s life that she felt herself shrinking into irrelevancy.

Last night, was the first time in the show’s history that they really talked about the ways in which Fitz selfishly manipulates everyone–man and woman alike– in his life to keep himself soothed and in power. Instead of having a discussion with Olivia about how he really felt about her releasing Daddy Pope from prison, instead he moved her into the White House without asking her whether she wanted this or not. She didn’t. But as it often is with Fitz, it wasn’t about her, it was about him. It’s always about him.

And as such, Olivia never really understood all that Mellie had to sacrifice to keep Fitz content. She was the one who had to deal with the alcoholic, the quick-tempered, mean spirited, neglectful man. Meanwhile Olivia got the thrill-seeking, “we can do it anywhere,” romantic who went to war in order to rescue her and was always full of sweet-sounding but empty promises. And that’s cute…I guess. But it’s not anything anyone can hold on to in the real world. Last night, when Fitz told Olivia that she only wanted him when he was unavailable, she responded perfectly, “I don’t know you available.”

Whew Jesus!

Truer words have never been spoken.

People love to write “Scandal” off as some type of beacon of hope for side chick’s around the world. But I’ve never seen it as such. Olivia has never been happy in her relationship status. She was always hiding, always running scared, thinking she might be exposed. She couldn’t step out in the street and hold her man’s hand. She went to an empty apartment at night and drank wine when she really wanted to live in a house in Vermont and make jam. Homegirl was in constant pain not being able to be with the man she loved. And sadly enough, the man she loved just wasn’t the right one. Because when she finally got a chance to give their relationship a shot, she realized she would have to sacrifice the only thing that’s fulfilled her and given her purpose in D.C., her job.

This is not about women not being able to have it all. This is about Olivia not being able to have it all with that particular man. It was ill fated from jump street.

And as fictional as Olivia and Fitz’s lives are, watching that breakup scene was like watching so many of our lives, including my own, play out on the television screen. Sometimes we’re so busy and so dead set on having a man that we don’t realize what we’re sacrificing to get him. And hopefully, we realize, like Olivia, that having him is not worth losing yourself.

Christina Milian’s Personal Remedy For The Breakup Blues

November 11th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Christina MIlian

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Breakups suck. No matter how many times your heart has been broken, no one ever really gets used to the waterfall of mixed emotions that typically accompany a split—especially when infidelity is what caused the relationship’s demise. Last night, Christina Milian broke down while revealing that she parted ways with Dwayne “Lil Wayne” Carter over his involvement with another woman on her E! reality show, “Christina Milian Turned Up.” Apparently, Carter had been dishonest regarding the nature of his relationship with the woman, but after doing a little digging, Milian came across undeniable evidence. She explained that the split was rough because she never loved any man as much as she loved the “Lollipop” rapper—not even her ex-husband, Terius “The-Dream” Nash.

When we spoke to Milian Wednesday, she opened up about some of her coping mechanisms for surviving the breakup blues.

Surround yourself with love:

“I spend extra, extra, extra time with family or friends. It’s not like, run and go to the club. Maybe back in the day that’s what I would have done. But these days, I just spend a lot more time with family.”

Let it out:

“Some wine time with my girlfriends where I can vent.”

Refocus:

“I also spend lots of time working on my career or working out. That really helps because you can like, talk to yourself and everything and kind of figure everything out.”

Relaxation:

“Also, I just like sleep and not think about it. That always helps me get through it!”

While many would prefer to go into hiding following heartbreak, Milian revealed that inviting the world into her space—via her reality show—also helped her to cope in some ways.

“Real things were really happening, and I just couldn’t hide it. There was no way I could show a scene where I’m smiling and running around with my daughter, but in the meantime, I’m getting text messages and going back and forth with my boyfriend at the time,” she told Madame Noire. “For me, days when I was open to it, it was almost like I needed to see myself. It’s almost like challenging myself like, ‘If I were someone else, what would I advise my friend?’ I had to put myself in those shoes. Me being open about it was a decision for myself to say, ‘I have to make the right decisions moving forward.’ By being open, I felt that there were a lot of people who could probably relate to this. If you look at blogs, people are going in and out and up and down with relationships. I’m not different. I’m not going to stage it or act like I’m perfect. This stuff was literally going down. So I just let myself be free.”

According to the 34-year-old mom, the drama surrounding her relationship with Carter will continue to unfold throughout the season.

“There’s going to be a lot of ups and downs,” said Milian, who will continue to work with the rapper musically.

“We’re still friends and we have a song out right now. We shot a video about three weeks ago for a song called ‘Do It.’”

We imagine that it would be difficult to continue a professional relationship with someone who broke your heart; however, it’s possible that she’s really good at compartmentalizing her feelings.

“Christina Milian Turned Up” airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on E!

What are some of your personal secrets for getting through a breakup?

Letting Go Of The Anger After A Breakup When You’re A Mom

October 29th, 2015 - By MommyNoire Editor
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Bitter/angry/upset woman, Shutterstock

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by Leslie Robinson

The anger is palpable. It resonates through your chest, you can’t eat, you don’t sleep; who knew a broken heart could feel so…real. Going through a breakup is hard enough as it is but imagine the stress and the pain when you’re experiencing it with a child in tow. Having to keep yourself together while you and your ex try to figure out how the dynamics of your interactions will now play out. I’ve been there, I’ve struggled trying to understand how my life would now work without my child’s father being in our life. There were days when I felt like I would never make to the other side.

But then one day a pair of small brown eyes looked up at me and asked, “Mommy, why are you always so angry?” and that’s when I knew things had to change.

Making the conscious decision to not be angry takes work. It takes effort and time to get to a place where the actions of someone you have spent a significant amount of time with, thinking you are building toward something, don’t affect you. When you can finally recognize that their poor choices, though they may bring you pain, are not your fault. It can be difficult to not let their words, the way they live their life, and how they left yours not keep you in a place of despair. The time after a breakup is hard, but when you’re a mom you must realize that the hurt you are harboring is only having an effect you and your child. The person you are seething over may have moved on, and there you are on your couch surrounded by your friends bitterness and anger. Letting go of these things is not an easy task but ultimately it is freeing.

Watching my own mother be a single parent taught me something about grace that I never knew I would need.

It taught me that I should never let my circumstance become the whole of who I was and I certainly should not hold onto the reins of pain walking a dead relationship horse around behind me as a trophy for how good of a mother I am. From her I learned that moving on from a broken marriage or relationship is the best way to teach my child how to get through a battle. My mother never spoke ill of my father no matter how she may have felt inside, from her I learned to never teach my daughter how to feel about her father based on what I went through with him. As mothers it is our responsibility to train our children how to navigate the trying waters of the world, equipping them with the ability to come out on the other side of pain without too many scars. Because of my mother’s example, keeping her head high and choosing not to expose my sister and I to her frustration; our relationship with our father was based on our own experiences and not the remnants of their breakup.

I have seen and know of some mothers who struggle to bounce back. At every turn they are dragging their child’s father through the mud, they are clutching onto his missteps so tightly thinking if they loosen the grip on his wrongs it means they are approving his behavior. I have seen women who do their best to make these absent fathers lives a living hell or find every opportunity to discredit him, at what cost though? If child support payments aren’t made, if visits are few and far between, if the man is nothing but a mere breath of a memory – does your baby still have to eat? Do they still have to have clothes on their back and shoes on their feet? Even if you mumble under breath about how negligent their other parent is, you are still there doing what must be done. So why not relieve yourself of the trouble? Why not recognize that even in their absence you are still top dog? You are mother. You are here and you get the pleasure of watching your child become all they can and want to be. Don’t hinder the relationship that needs all of you by giving life to the anger over something that is gone. Instead of transferring the burden onto your child and continuing to relive the loss over and over again, let go.

A wound can never fully heal if it is picked at. Each time a scab tries to form atop of the scar it is closer to disappearing but if you pick it, if you bad mouth that person, if you pick up the phone to scream at them about all the things they do wrong, if you mention their shortcomings every chance you get; the wound remains fresh. I encourage you to stop breathing life into that fire. Don’t spend your moments highlighting the failures of another when instead you could be relishing in the praise coming your way from being a good mom. Do not let your anger destroy the woman you are. Be happy, be free, be whole, it is the best thing your child could ever see. Deciding not be angry does not mean you are letting anyone off the hook, it means you are freeing yourself from the weight of a situation that did not pan out or from the choice of someone else to not be there. Sometimes mothers are so busy looking out for someone else they forget to take care of themselves. As a mom show your baby that life happens, but even through the trouble you can still find joy, peace, and something good in all you do.

 

You can find more of Leslie’s work at fromtheFLYYsidewithlove.tumblr.com and check out her YouTube channel Let Leslie Tell It here

Post-Breakup Body On Fleek: Celebs Who Moved On From An Ex By Getting Right And Tight

September 3rd, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

What’s the best way to get back at an ex? These celebs would suggest showing him exactly what he’s missing with your post-breakup body.

Instagram Dads Kordale And Kaleb Call It Quits

July 29th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Nikon

Nikon

Unfortunately, the gay couple known as “Kordale and Kaleb,” who rose to social media stardom after a photo of the two of them styling their daughters’ hair went viral, have decided to throw in the towel. In a lengthy Instagram post Wednesday, Caleb Anthony announced that their engagement has been called off.

“No matter what, these kids will forever and always be my [heart]! My love for them will always prevail even if ‘Daddy’ and I are no longer together. Truthfully, they are the ONLY reason I’m sad or regretting my decision to leave and move on,” Anthony shared in the statement.

It’s unclear specifically what caused the broken engagement, but it appears that the split is not an amicable one. Several times in the statement, Anthony accuses Lewis of disrespecting him and their relationship—including during their recent vacation to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

“I cannot sit here and act like I was not part of the demise of ‘KordalenKaleb,’ but at no point do I or anyone else deserve to be disrespected the way I was and to continue it on while we’re together as a family on vacation,” Anthony shared.

“I don’t want to be fifty-five resenting myself and my relationship for shit I was not man enough to stand up to in my prime years, so I’m happy I finally took this stand and I’m telling you to not be afraid to walk away when it’s not right,” he continued. “Love is a beautiful thing when it is with the right person. When that person isn’t leading you on, and he or she is TRUE TO YOU.”

Anthony adds that he still loves his longtime partner and wishes him the best. Earlier this year, the former couple and their three children were featured in Nikon’s I Am Generation campaign. The corporation has since commented on the news of Anthony and Lewis’ breakup.

“We are aware of the news and wish the best to Kordale, Kaleb and their entire family. We were happy to have them participate in our campaign and there were no plans to extend marketing efforts with any of the featured participants,” a spokesperson for Nikon told Page Six.

We’re shocked by Anthony’s revelation, but we wish them well.

 

Beware Of Idealizing Your Exes

July 22nd, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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 Idealizing Your Exes

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What is it about past romantic relationships that can cause us to wonder “What if?”  “What if we never broke up?”  “What if we worked through our struggles?”  “What if I would have spoken up sooner instead of becoming resentful?”  “What if I let him/her know how important they were to me?”  “What if they were the one?”

We can be progressing in our lives, but during a moment of reflection, it can stop us and make us begin to fixate on a past companion.  This probably wouldn’t be that big of a deal if it didn’t seem as though our mind was starting to play tricks on us.

We begin to think about all of the good times, the cuddles, the kisses, the moments that made us feel loved and wanted.  After awhile, it can make us put that past person on a pedestal.  We begin to forget the wrongs, question our judgment and then get lost in the desire that we redevelop for that person.

You’re not alone.  It happens to everyone, but I’m here to help you out. Right when you begin to feel as though you’re yearning for someone from your past, try to remember the following things:

Be objective – There’s something about past love that encourages us to put our rose-colored glasses on while thinking about the good times. However, you need to take those off and look at things with 20/20 vision.  Yes, you might not have done everything perfectly; but in all honesty, neither did your ex.  You were two imperfect people who just happened not to be perfect together, and that’s okay.

Appreciate the good – I’ve had some exes who did very repulsive things, but there are moments that I did share with them that I still occasionally cherish.  Why?  Those moments were special.  On top of that, it reminds me that if I ever do decide to venture back into the dating pool, though those moments were significant, I can always have them with someone else.

Remember those times, and just use them as a measure of the things that you will really appreciate in the future. Learn from them, and discover the things that were important to you. But know that you can always get them from someone else down the line.  The good times don’t stop rolling just because that relationship ended.

But remember the bad – In the same sense, it’s not good to dwell on the past, but it’s good to learn from it. Sometimes when we think too fondly of exes, we forget the reasons why we broke up with them (or vice versa) in the first place.

Maybe they didn’t respect you.  Maybe you two argued too much. Maybe you were at two separate places in your lives, and it caused a rift.

Use those bad times as a measure of how you deserve to be treated in the next relationship.  You have standards for a reason, and that past relationship showed you the things you liked, and the things that you didn’t appreciate.  Just keep those mental reminders around when you begin to lust over the person from your past who wasn’t as perfect as you remember them to be.

Now, I know a few happy couples who broke up for a period but got back together and have stayed together for years. However, they were able to confront their past mistakes, accept their flaws, and work together to have a better union than before.  But, a good way to do that is to avoid erasing the sins from the past; instead, learn and grow from them.

Kendra Koger is taking her own advice and occasionally tweeting @kkoger.