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Sometimes it’s not the boyfriend that’s hard to say goodbye to, or the consistent sex, or the person you could text all day long. Sometimes it’s his family. As a good girlfriend, you integrated yourself into your now-ex’s family. You learned about them, let them learn about you, made yourself helpful, accepted their help, maybe even traveled with them and were privy to some of their most intimate moments and issues. They became your family, and family is a hard thing to let go of. But you have to if you’re going to take care of the most important person: yourself. Here’s how.

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I like to think I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to my grandmother. Now, I know I couldn’t possibly know everything about her storied past; but I know when it comes to family who knows the most about my now deceased grandmother, I’m at least top 10. But yesterday, my mother shocked me with a bit of new information.

In general, most of the women in my family regard men who’ve yet to prove themselves as a threat. Trouble. People you have to keep both eyes on. They can never catch you slippin.’ Judging by some of the scandalous stories I’ve heard over the years, I can understand why. But just when I think the women in my family are taking things a bit too far, they tell me another outlandish story that lets me know maybe they aren’t so paranoid after all.

Yesterday, after work I decided to do a little shopping. As I was walking around picking up a few things, I was also catching up with my mother. I was telling her how one of my friends; who my mom also knows very well is thinking of breaking up with her current boyfriend. Not because he’s done anything wrong she just feels like their time together has come to an end. I was expecting my mom to immediately and feverently support the maturity and independence of that decision. Instead, she said “umph.” Now, I don’t know about your family dynamic or where you come from. But when it comes to my mother, umph can run the gamut from strongly agree to a polite way of saying “what the hell?!?” In this instance, that umph meant she was about to issue a warning.

“Well, tell her to be careful with that.”

I was too confused. Be careful. If she’s no longer fulfilled by the relationship why should she be careful in expressing that sentiment.

“Because girl, these men out here are crazy.”

Well, yeah. We’ve known that. But is staying with someone just because homeboy might be crazy really a good enough reason to stay in that relationship? My mother made it clear that she wasn’t suggesting that my friend stay with her boyfriend; but that she ease out of the situation.

“You know your grandmother had a crazy boyfriend.”

Huh? I’d only known my grandmother to have two serious boyfriends. The man before my grandfather, the one she really loved, and my grandfather. I’d never heard about this crazy one before.

I asked my mom what he did.

“He threw acid on all of her clothes. He broke into her room and threw acid on her clothes. And he thought she was in there, he was trying to throw acid on her too.”

Well dang! Not only had I never heard that story before it immediately made me think about my friend’s safety and whether the guy she’d been dating had the potential to flip out like my grandmother’s boyfriend did back in the day.

Are these violent break ups common? Have you ever experienced one? Any of you have tips on how to break up with someone, whether they’ve proven to be violent or not, safely?

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So you met this amazing guy and the two of you seem to have really hit it off. He takes you on dates frequently. You guys spend hours on the phone laughing and learning more about each other. You send cute and flirty text messages back and forth all day. Then, one day, out of the blue, all of that comes to a screeching halt. Days, weeks and maybe even months have gone by without you receiving so much as a “Good Morning” text from him and for the life of you, you can’t seem to figure out what went wrong. This is just one of the many casualties that comes along with playing the dating game. It happens to the best of us. No one wants to feel “played” or rejected, but it’s how you carry yourself in situations such as this one that determines whether or not you’ll come out on top. Check out this list of things you probably shouldn’t do if the man you’re seeing suddenly starts acting funny.

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No couple feels one hundred percent enthusiastic about each other every single day, for their entire relationship. Even the man who is “perfect” for you may fail to excite you, sometimes for months at a time. But it’s important to know when it’s your partner’s doing, or life’s doing. Sometimes what feels like the end is just a bump in the road and if you’d stick it out, you’d be so happy you did. Here are seven of those bumps that will make you question your feelings for your partner.

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Most of the time, there is no excuse to leave one person and jump immediately into a relationship with another. If you’re so emotionally prepared to be totally entwined with a new man, you have probably been emotionally checked out of your relationship with your current man for a while. And you should have addressed that a long time ago, instead of bringing things to the point where you just walk out for someone new. However, sometimes, you can think you’re perfectly happy in your relationship, and you just meet someone who changes everything. You see now that your current partner is not right for you, and you can’t un-see that. So what do you do?

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Deciding to break up with someone is not always black and white. You’re caught wondering, “Am I weak if I stay? Am I a quitter if I go? Am I just not seeing things clearly? Are these feelings a phase?” And like with any big decision, it’s good to draw a “blue print” of sorts to show you what’s really happening in your relationship. These seven questions are designed to help you draw that blue print.

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There’s no knowing how a man will react after you break up with him. The calmest man can go AWOL. The most enthusiastic man, silent. Through their behavior post-breakup, some men make you regret your decision to leave them. Others make you realize just how right you were to call it quits. But one thing is for certain: you never really know a man, until you’ve broken up with him. So, what does your ex’s behavior say about him?

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For the most part after a breakup, you’re a big ball of mush. You just want to cry, stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself. And that’s a natural and important part of the healing process. However, there’s a little part of you that’s mad—the ever strong, sassy, “who the h*ll did he think he was?” part of you that needs to get out once in a while! You need to nurture her too, you know? Here’s how.

Nobody likes to admit when they’re not over their ex. In fact, people will insist they are over their ex by collecting evidence, facts, and photos like a court case to say, “SEE! I don’t care about him/her anymore!” which only makes you think they’re definitely not over them. So if you’re wondering if the guy you’re currently seeing is holding onto some feelings for the woman before you, you’ll have to do some research of your own. Here are signs to look out for.

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Think you’re weaker after a breakup than anybody else? Think again. A breakup is like any sickness: all the same symptoms come along, no matter who you are. Trust me, everybody has to fight every fiber in their body to not do these things when heartbroken.