All Articles Tagged "breakups"
As cuffing season is about to come to a close, and Valentine’s Day just whisked by (I hardly even noticed!) the thought of relationships is still at the forefront of some folks’ minds. But relationships are more about timing and knowing when you’re not ready to get back on that dating horse. So here are some signs to assess if you’re up for the task.
I have a very complicated history with music. Like most people, I’ve always loved it, and been drawn to it. However, my mother did what she could to keep music away from us.
It wasn’t because she was kill-joy. It was the fact that she was a health educator for the school district that we went to, and there were too many times that some of the kids in the different schools (and even in my elementary class) would come to her facility with issues about intercourse.
So my mother put a moratorium on music, to the point that when she was driving, we couldn’t even listen to gospel music (because at that time, Kirk Franklin was turning old secular songs to Christian ones, and she was against it), we listened to sermons.
My father, not wanting us to be the “weirdo kids” who didn’t know what was going on in pop culture, but could recite a Kenneth Hagin sermon from beginning to end, would sneak us music (but if we got caught with it, we were on our own).
Though my mother is less strict on music (because we’re all grown, and what can she do?!) I hold certain music very close to me. I don’t know if it’s because I feel like it might get taken away, or what, but once I have “a song,” I like to keep it.
The problem that came with that, is when I would date, I would share some of my favorite songs with my guys (and vice versa). Those songs would be the soundtrack to late-night chilling sessions in dorms, cuddling moments, and cruising around in my small Hyundai because we didn’t have any money to go anywhere, but we wanted to hang out anyway.
But once those relationships ended, I couldn’t listen to those songs anymore.
This became even more evident when I had an urge to listen to Usher’s “There Goes My Baby” on Youtube and couldn’t even make it to the “turn the lights on” part. I knew that that song in particular was going to be hard to reclaim, because that was the song my ex-husband dedicated to me, but geez-louise, I still wanted to hear it.
It wasn’t until I looked at the selection of “Suggested Videos” on the side of my Youtube browser that I was confronted with my “Love Song Graveyard.”
There were so many songs that gave me a pang in my heart just looking at their titles. It wasn’t like I still had feelings for the guys who I listened to the songs with, but I guess I just didn’t want to be reminded of what didn’t last.
However, I’m incredibly stubborn, and figured that I need to get over this.
First, I realized that I never really confronted my feelings on each situation. Once the relationship was over, I just moved on with my life. You should do that; but for me, that included ignoring my feelings completely. I never had a time to just marinate in what I was feeling. So, I gave myself some time to think it over.
It wasn’t in an attempt to wallow, but to acknowledge whatever feelings I’d been suppressing.
Second, by thinking about it, I realized that though the relationships didn’t work, it didn’t mean that I was losing out on anything. For some reason, thinking back on the relationships allowed me to remove the emotions from them, and I was able to see them in black and white. Relationships begin, and some of them end, but that’s just life.
Finally, once I had an objective view of those past relationships, I was able to reclaim some of my favorite songs! Being objective helped me to able to separate the emotions that were tied to the song, and just enjoy them.
The end of a relationship can be hard, but that doesn’t mean that you need to end your relationships with your favorite music, restaurant, or gym. Whenever you feel ready, you can reclaim your favorite things, no matter what the emotions are that’s attached to them.
Trust me, my world has become a lot more musical of a late, and I couldn’t be happier.
Kendra Koger is gently bobbing her head, while occasionally tweeting @kkoger.
Thou shalt not do any of this when it’s over — or you’ll find yourself in relationship purgatory.
Thou Shalt Not Drunk Dial
Hand your phone to a friend before you start doing shots — unless you want to wake up right back where you started.
By Amanda Chatel, From YourTango
After a breakup that almost destroyed me, I took to my bed for not just days but weeks. I wasn’t just broken, but whatever is the next step worse than that, horrifically devastated, might be the most accurate explanation of the state of my mind and heart. As with anyone who’s just experienced heartbreak, I was quite sure I wouldn’t recover.
Once I was able to get out of bed, I went through the motions of being alive, as one does after such a thing. I remembered my routine: Getting up every morning, brushing my teeth, showering, and then off to work. I was moving and breathing, but I was like walking dead. The pain was just unbearable.
But time passed and everyday I grew a little bit stronger. I moved to New York City, started a new beginning, and even began dating again. I felt like I had come full circle and he was just a distant memory; a memory I assumed, or rather hoped, I’d never see again. Then one night the unfathomable happened: I ran into him. Of all the bars in all the cities in the world, there he was. It turned out that he, too, had decided New York was the place to be.
My stomach dropped. I began to shake. I couldn’t feel the ground beneath me and I was pretty sure that I was going to throw up all over the floor, any neighboring person, and myself. It was going to be a projectile vomit; the kind that comes with extreme emotional distress. I grabbed my friend’s hand to steady myself as he came walking toward me. I could not believe he was walking toward me.
We exchanged pleasantries; I guess that’s what one would call them, and he asked about my family and I asked about his. I commented on the weather because it had been a hot summer and he commented on the length of my hair. I also ordered another drink, because, dammit, I needed one.
As I proceeded to get tipsier, the fear and nervousness began to melt. I was able to laugh and the comfort level we had between us was back again, although it had been almost two years. I realized, although I missed him and always would, I was in the process of moving on from him, despite the nausea and trembling earlier in the evening. I felt good, to be honest. So, when he asked me to go home with him, I did. Because OF COURSE, I did. I thought I could somehow prove even more to myself that I was over him and, in my mind, having sex seemed like the best way to really solidify that. Yes, at the time, it was a drunken idea, but some of the best decisions we make come out of a bottle of whiskey.
Read more about breakups at YourTango.com
The only thing worse than the breakup itself are the conversations you have after it. When things don’t end with a clean break, things get crazy quick. Lets all take a moment to laugh at the dumb stuff exes say when it’s finally over.
I Talked To Your Mother The Other Day
There is nothing like the relationship that just won’t end. Your relationship is over but he’s still talking to your mother and Facebooking your sister.
Over the weekend, it was announced that Nicole Murphy and Michael Strahan ended their five-year engagement. As it turns out, the Hollywood couple felt that their relationship could no longer thrive with the two of them living on opposite sides of the country.
“They love each other very much, but with the distance and work schedule it has been hard to maintain their relationship,” a rep confirmed to People.
Although Michael and Nicole decided to end their engagement several weeks ago, sources say that Michael was completely blindsided by Nicole’s recent announcement. We found it to be pretty ironic that the split was announced just before Michael was scheduled to be inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame and according to TMZ, friends of the former Giants star don’t believe that this was coincidental.
Apparently, those close Michael have been speculating that Nicole strategically planned to announce the breakup at the same time of the induction in an effort to rain on one of the biggest moments of her ex-fiancé’s career. Sources are claiming that the breakup announcement was released while Michael was smack in the middle of receiving his yellow Hall of Fame blazer.
We wouldn’t go as far as to say that Nicole was looking to ruin Michael’s moment, but the announcement did appear calculated. Michael, however, seemed to thoroughly enjoy the weekend regardless. Ironically, he opened his speech stating, “This has been the best weekend of my life.”
What do you think? Should Nicole have held off on announcing the split?
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
Life will twist and turn while you’re dealing with a breakup. You may find yourself munching on sugary cupcakes by day and dancing on tables by night and in between these moments, deleting all your “so-in-love” photos on social media. But before you hit that “delete” button on your pictures, Toronto native Cassandra Blackwel has another option for you: Beyoncify your boyfriend! Buzzfeed reports when Blackwel broke up with her boyfriend instead of deleting every picture of them together, she photoshopped his face with the face of our Beloved Queen Bey.
Blackwel even turned her post-breakup photo project into a Tumblr page and is taking requests to Beyoncify everyone’s ex-boyfriend. She says: “It’s an ode to how much effort I put into the relationship, if you will.” In an interview will Elle Magazine Online, Blackwel said her project doubled her Twitter following and helped her forget about her break-up. Although many find her breakup recovery tactic a bit strange, Blackwel says of her project: “I think it’s doing so well because everyone can relate to it. It’s just fun and innocent I think that’s why everyone is enjoying it. I made the blog for my friends and never expected it to get like this.”
With submissions streaming in for her to Beyoncify other men, Blackwel claims the project helps alleviate the pain during any breakup period. She notes, “ If imagining yourself at your happiest with Beyoncé doesn’t help, I don’t know what will.”
Blackwel ain’t say nothing but a word!
Below you will find some pictures of Blackwel Beyoncifying her ex-boyfriend via her Beyoncify Beyonce Tumblr Page:
For more pictures, check out Beyoncify My Boyfriend. Will you be submitting a photo?
Never have we covered Bow Wow so much on this site. But the man-child’s name is hot in the streets this week…for all the wrong reasons.
Remember last week, we wrote about Bow Wow saying he was tired of making women famous? He also said that he wouldn’t put his girlfriends on Instagram until he knew they were serious about him. Well, the woman he was subliminally referencing, video vixen Ayisha Diaz, clapped back and we are here for it.
She posted this note on Instagram:
It’s more than time that someone called Bow Wow out on his nonsense. Their little relationship was so quick and kept so far under wraps that had he not posted that messy Instagram message, no one would have ever known that their situation ended. But being the kiss and tell type that he is, he posted on the gram knowing the blogs would pick it up.
And it is interesting that she is the first of Bow Wow’s string of girlfriends to speak out on his messiness, especially in light of him talking about both Ciara and Angela Simmons’ sex skills. I’m sure he might not take too kindly to the message or even receive it but I certainly wish he would learn to stop being so immature.
What do you think about Ayisha’s message to Bow Wow?
Breaking up might be hard to do but isn’t impossible. Everyone is bound to call it quits with someone on the romantic front — it’s a part of life we have to experience. While it can be painful, there is a silver lining in separating from a flame. Did you know it can actually be beneficial to your worklife? Check out these reasons why breakups can be good for business.
You know what they say. Art imitates life and we all know the best inspiration for love songs is love stories both good and bad. And as much as we love a happy love song, the messy ones tend to catch our attention even more. So let’s jump in shall we.