All Articles Tagged "breakups"
At the top of 2016, singer Kehlani Parrish officially started a relationship with Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving. And while they looked pretty cute and cozy on social media, by March, it was alleged that she was stepping out on Irving. These rumors surfaced after the singer’s ex, PartyNextDoor, posted a picture of her in his bed on social media. After being hit with a flood of criticism online that she tried to counter (by stating that she and Irving had broken up before that photo was posted), Kehlani became overwhelmed by the attacks and reportedly attempted suicide.
Months later, the 21-year-old singer is able to talk openly about the situation and answer questions about what really led to that dangerous decision, and how she takes care of her mental health now.
As she noted via a tattoo on her neck that says “lost and found” in Spanish, she was struggling to find her way leading up to her suicide attempt.
“I think I more so lived, and have felt myself be very lost and was obviously very lost,” she said of the tattoo in an interview with Power 106 FM’s The Cruz Show. “I think it’s more of a reminder that if I do get lost again, I can always find myself.”
When speaking on self-care, the singer said she monitors her own mental health by allowing herself to feel whatever things come over her instead of trying to push negative thoughts away.
“I think it’s a day by day thing. You take it as it comes and you act accordingly,” she said. “You don’t go hard on yourself and you don’t beat yourself up for whatever you’re feeling and you allow yourself to feel 100 percent of whatever it is.”
She acknowledges that it wasn’t one thing in particular that drove her to attempt suicide. It was more so the straw that broke the camel’s back after quite a few struggles. But after such a traumatizing experience, which included the singer deleting her social media for a bit to regain peace of mind, Kehlani told The Cruz Show that the situation did make her much stronger.
“I’m strong enough to, thank God, be able to talk about it in a positive way,” she said. “To be able to push forward in an inspirational way and not dragging it on or making it a victimizing type situation. I wasn’t a victim, you know what I mean? I’m never a victim. I refuse to be a victim. I’m not. I think it really was a combination of things. It was one, the response was insane. Two, I think people forgot that I was a 21-year-old going through the biggest heartbreak of my life. So on top of it being a very public, scary thing with that, it was ‘I’m hurting, ya’ll. I’m going through heartbreak.’ This is a young woman who is dealing with a guy. On top of all that, it was that. It was really recovering from so many things at once. It was tough. It’s still tough…But also, on the flip side, it’s not too much that can hurt me now.”
Heartbreak is arguably one of the worst feelings one can experience. After the emotional turbulence, I reflect on how I ended up alone again after having such high hopes. Did I ignore any red flags? Was I too eager? After being ditched one too many times I had to take a deep look at myself and ask, “Am I causing this?” I’m not saying the men who have devastated me are innocent, but I have realized that I have bad habits that continuously lead me to checking in to heartbreak hotel. Being heartbroken can be crippling, but it can also be enlightening. Here are five things I have learned when I was let down while looking for love.
Don’t fall in love with potential
The person you first meet will not be the person you fall in love with. Underneath the charm, good looks and exciting conversation there could be a creep. After getting my heart crushed too many times I’ve learned to take things day by day when dating because you never truly know who you are dealing with in the beginning. I would notice signs that I was dealing with a douche but I wanted to still give him a chance because of the redeeming qualities and well, the potential. Potential isn’t all that telling when it comes to a person’s level of integrity and character.
The importance of closure
The last guy that broke my heart left me hanging. No goodbye, no reason, nothing. Not knowing why the person I spoke to everyday disappeared on me put me on an emotional rollercoaster. I wondered if something happened to him, if I did something hurtful and was not aware or if I had just gotten played yet again. I didn’t want to believe the latter, because why would he hurt me after I told him what I been through? After I contacted him from another number two months later, I finally got my answer, and also gave him an earful about the added emotional damage he caused. Having that closure helped me know to move on. I let go of the false hope that maybe he would re-emerge and we could start over. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear but it was what I needed.
Have no expectations
When you’re falling for someone you assume they’re falling for you too. That’s where the expectations kick-in. Expecting good morning texts, phone calls and dates every weekend got me in trouble and brought on loads of disappointment. That man doesn’t have to text you or even take you out. He’s not obligated to. Your communication with him does not have to be daily. People have lives, but people make time for what they want, especially men. If things are not official, then don’t expect anything from him.
Take It Slow
Having a strong connection with a potential beau can be exciting and lead to moving too fast. I sure did. No man can deny that I was caring and sweet, but now I know that I was giving men attention and time that they didn’t ask for or want. I was all in when they were still deciding whether they were taking me seriously. Now I know not to commit myself to a man until he asks for that commitment.
Let the man take charge
If that man wants you, he will pursue you. Looking too eager or dominating the courtship can push a man away. I would often initiate dates or even call when I wasn’t being called at all. Things cannot be one sided. Now I know to sit back and let the man show me that he wants to be around.
Have you ever been on a flight that’s been stormy most of the time and you just knew it was going to be a bumpy landing? Well, some breakups are like that. We’ve all known couples who just can’t break up. We cannot believe the ways they’ve wronged each other, the awful, vengeful things they’ve done to each other, and the nasty things they’ve said about each other. We’re certain that’s the type of behavior that would lead to an instant breakup, but nope—these couples just won’t call it quits. The problem with the drawn out breakup is that it leaves a person more bitter and feeling more hopeless than just a regular, clean breakup would. It’s also exhausting for everyone around to watch. Here are the 20 steps of couples who just can’t break up.
Step 1: Complaining
Every time you’re around someone in this couple, all they do is complain about their relationship. They cannot focus on the movie/concert/conversation. They obsess about the issues in their relationship.
Some breakup behavior is just not okay once you’re an adult. The cutoff time for the really crazy stuff is college graduation. And let’s not get caught up on technicalities if you went back to school late—your early twenties should see the end of really reactionary breakup behavior. No matter how or why things ended—whether your partner cheated, was neglectful of you, or was even straight up mean to you—when you break up with somebody, that should be (at least for a while) the end of your interactions with them. Mature people understand that when a breakup happens, they’ve just eliminated a relationship that was not meant to be in their lives. They don’t get angry about it. They don’t become vengeful (what’s the point of vengeance? The breakup was the vengeance—move on!) They just peacefully accept that some relationships aren’t meant to be. Then there are people who indulge in this breakup behavior that really shouldn’t happen as an adult.
Aggressive social media posts
Directly calling out your ex on social media—whether it’s through tagging him, or hijacking his Facebook page to rant about him—is middle school behavior that screams “Anger issues!” If you know you’re correct in your feelings about someone, you shouldn’t need the validation of everyone else’s “Likes” and comments.
We’ll skip the part where I list the many reasons that breaks often don’t work—the mere fact that the relationship was going so poorly that you needed to take a hiatus is usually evidence that it’s not meant to be—but I’ll assume in your case, things are different.
Maybe a break will work for you. But it certainly won’t if you make some of the quintessential mistakes people often make during breaks. You and your partner can try to set rules, but the truth is that you’re so fragile and emotional when you set them, that you won’t really know what you’re talking about. You’ll find the rules difficult to follow. Or, perhaps, you think they should have been stricter, and now it’s too late to change them. See how complicated this can be? Here are the mistakes that ensure your break will turn into a breakup.
Increasing your social media presence
Writing on social media about your new singledom. Wait…wasn’t this a break? Even publicizing the break opens you up to plenty of male attention.
If you look back at the final weeks of any relationship, you probably put your palm to your forehead in a little embarrassment realizing, “Oh my gosh. It was so clearly over long before it was over!” You know this because you recognize the same old habits, routines, and exit strategies that you’ve utilized at the start of every breakup. Usually, you’re not quite ready to end things completely when your subconscious starts to speak up about the fact that this relationship won’t do. So, instead, you make mini attempts to break up, or escape, the relationship. Then there are things you do that really have nothing to do with the boyfriend in question, but are just signs that you’ve emotionally pulled out of the relationship. If only men saw these signs they wouldn’t be totally caught off guard by the sentence, “We need to talk.” Like it or not, you know you do these things when approaching a breakup.
If you’ve ever been dumped and didn’t see it coming at all, maybe that’s because it wasn’t coming…until you did something inexcusable. There are a few behaviors on which men have a zero tolerance policy. These are things that, once a person does them, they tell you exactly what they’re about.
There’s a huge difference between a mistake and a major flaw, and there are some things that people rarely do just once. So once you do one of these in a relationship, it tells your partner there is more to come. And he doesn’t want it. You can run a little late, forget to text back or leave dirty dishes in the sink. But these are things that there is no coming back from. Here are 15 things that will make a man break up with you on the spot.
When you and your partner have a couple you’re friends with, and that couple breaks up, you can find yourself navigating some choppy waters. If you’ve known the couple for a long time, you’ll want to keep up both friendships. The problem is that both people will know that, and they will want information. They’ll want to know if you’ve seen their ex recently, how the ex is doing, whether or not the ex is dating, how upset the ex seems and what the ex has been saying about them. They can’t help but ask. Admit it: if you were in their shoes, you’d be tempted to pull information out of the common friends, too! But you have to be very careful handling friends who have broken up because a lot of things you do could be misinterpreted as your taking one side. So how do you deal with couple friends who’ve broken up? Here’s a guide.
Today’s episode of #LunchtimeChat featured Cassie/ Diddy and all of their breakup craziness trending. The ladies share their opinions based on a recent article that discussed how after a breakup the “crazy” may come out.
Catch the chat and share your thoughts below! Make sure to tune in to #LunchtimeChat every weekday at lunchtime on Facebook Live!
Sometimes, deciding whether or not to end a relationship can be incredibly hard; there is a lot of bad, but there is also still a lot of good there. But sometimes, the way a man acts after you break up with him makes it so obvious that you made the right decision. In fact, often a man has personality traits (read: flaws) and bad habits that we think we’re just misinterpreting, but once we call it quits, we realize, “Oh. Nevermind. I totally called it.” That’s because people show their true colors when they’re under stress, in pain, or put through a sudden and difficult change. A breakup certainly fits all of that criteria, doesn’t it? Some women dangerously think, “I can judge the way he’s acting—everybody acts crazy after a breakup.” No. They don’t. And this is a very important time to pay attention to how he’s acting because if it’s ugly, don’t consider taking that man back. Here is how a breakup shows a man’s true colors.