Paper Thin: Why The “White Women Are Winning” Argument Is A Losing One

80 comments
April 26, 2011 ‐ By SisterToldja

When I saw the title of Andrea Michelle’s Uptown Magazine article Why White Women Are Winning, my eyes hit the ceiling. What a silly notion. What, exactly, is the sense in making white women some sort of normative group that black women should compare themselves to? While we do need to examine certain disparities across racial lines from time to time, I don’t think that marriage statistics is one of those issues; furthermore, as there is no proven universal standard white relationship behavior or black relationship behavior, we can’t make a reasoned comparison. Throw in the unique challenges that black women (and men) face in mating that are influenced by centuries of race-based oppression that white daters aren’t contending with and I’m already over this article before I read it.

And then I read it. And I was even more over it. To be fair, I was relieved to see that Michelle’s piece was not a nasty condemnation of black women for failing to be as adept at dating as white women; instead, she simply discussed the many advantages that white women have when it comes to meeting and marrying men and acknowledges that sisters may have to fight a bit harder for the elusive title of ‘wife’. I just think it was an incendiary title for a somewhat flimsy premise. Instead of worrying about what other women have, black women should focus on having the best lives they can achieve, romantically and otherwise.

While the ire I had preemptively formed for her piece turned to be unwarranted, LaShaun Williams’ response to the article was certainly worthy of all the eye-rolling and “What the hell are you talking about?” that one could summon up. I look forward to the day in which raking black women over the coals won’t be such a popular sport and I especially hope that black women themselves will get out of this despicable game.

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  • Linda

    Hello..maybe my opinion doesn't matter here because I'm white but I'm commenting because what you say about black women sucks…outright sucks. Why blame the woman. I have many black women as my friends. Smart, pretty, and strong. Yes strong. They have to be. And where is the blame on black men who date white as if it's some kind of status symbol. Like a new expensive car or whatever. Women need to be choosy these days whether they are black or white. There are too many players who expect to be babied and never have to grow up.

  • E M

    I grew up in a house with my mother, father, and 3 sisters who are all black like me. I have been unsuccessful in trying to find love and a good partner as unfortunately every girl I have been in a relationship with has grown up in a house without a strong male figure (either weak or none at all). They have all had a short fuse, knew little about financial investing, or topics like world geography. After my last girlfriend did some "ghetto stuff" (for some reason she couldn't even explain) I realized that even a master's degree doesn't indicate an almost "chip on the shoulder" mentality that my sisters also possess. So, I opened up to dating out of my race and on the first relationship it looks positive and she is willing to do (or already doing) things for me I have only seen other races of women do for their men. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe there's a pattern, I don't know. But my sisters are single with their "checklists" of requirements and necks rolling while I'm one happy guy now. Just one man's opinion.

  • Commonsensereturns

    "but black women are so QUICK to assume that we're doing nothing wrong and the rest of the world/society/history is to blame. "

    That's a generalization. That in of itself is asinine. How do you assume that collectively black women are looking for an excuse to blame anyone for any perceived shortcomings? Black culture in the US has differences from white culture in the US. Historical differences that have substantial affects to this day.

    This is not 'blaming' anyone it is simply a fact. We do have less viable men to date. Fact. There are more black women than black men in the US coupled with the fact that most races in this country overwhelming date within their race that already skews things.

    Let's remove stereotypical rhetoric from actual facts. That I believe is what the author was trying to convey.

  • rachel

    People talk about black women and us not being married but I wonder how many DON'T WANT TO. People should stop assuming everyone want's to get married. I am sorry but with the divorce rate of today I rather stay in that single black woman category and casually date until I find the one, then become divorced withing five minutes of marriage (exaggeration of course).

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  • Daryl

    Thank you for the article. We do have problems with relationships that stem from being kidnapped from Africa. We were emotionally, mentally and physically abused. To this day it is still in our DNA. We live and try to emulate a culture that is not ours. It was reinforced in us that our way of life was bad. This may also affect the way a Black man feels about a Black women. He may look up to a white woman as being a better woman. Even though she may marry and comfort a Black Man, she is in no way better. It is best that the Black Man and Woman get together and heal from the abuses of this society so that we may grow together and have a that are proud of their Way of Life and People. Women can also help by not emulating the White Woman; research other styles that come from our cultures. There are many to choose from because their are so many different styles from different countries. Thank you..

  • Eboni Smith

    Check out Andrea Michelle podcast on why white women are winning http://baisdenlive.com/podcenter.cfm?itemCategory

  • Eboni

    Check out Andrea O'neal explain her article Why White Women are Winning on Michael Baidsen
    http://baisdenlive.com/podcenter.cfm?itemCategory

    • Eboni

      Error Andrea Michelle's article

  • ATL Gentleman

    I agree with your response 100%! All races have a mix of good and bad. White guy here married to white female for just over 10yrs. What a bad choice! (again not all are the same). It is simply personal choice to select your own race or be open to other race partners. The key is quality personality, equality in the relationship, full support of each other and their endeavors both personal and professional. Have the same values, morals, and expectations in life.
    I am remarried currently to an Asian that I quaiified first as having the same values, morals, expectations, ideals as I. Eyes open going into this relationship! I am blessed. I wish all the best in their finding thier partner!

  • Don Bateman

    I am sure I will hear a lot of feedback from this comment….however this coming from a white brother with several black brother friends. I love these guys…but they seem to want to continually play the ladies and not be serious with any of the great ladies I have had the pleasure of meeting. I am not saying all black mem are like this…but I believe they may be the cause of some of the issue. Black are smart and know what they want in life…some brothers are not there yet.

    • commonsensereturns

      Interesting Don. How old are you? If you are in your early to mid twenties I almost expect this behavior from men that age. If you are in your early thirties then this really is a pity.

  • Lady

    What is this crap? I mean, really. I'm in an LTR with a white man and even I don't consider myself in competition with white women, only with MYSELF.

  • Tasha

    "but black women are so QUICK to assume that we're doing nothing wrong and the rest of the world/society/history is to blame." Again, another generalization…….This characteristic has nothing to do with being a black woman, this is a human flaw. At the end of the day, black women are people first, race is a social label for the purpose of putting us into categories, and ultimately lends a hand in us limiting ourselves if we can only define ourselves within its context. We are not perfect … No group of women is. We lovely black women possess beauty, kindness, bitterness, sadness happiness, desire, elation, dominance, submissiveness, excitement, jealousy, rage, anger, joy, faith, peace, love, talent…….I could go on and on but my point is we are HUMAN. Forgive us for that. Ladies, learn who you are, be the best you can be and BY ALL MEANS, PLEASE DO NOT limit yourself in any area of you life, especially LOVE and marriage. Trust me, there are MANY MEN (All you need is one LOL!!) in the global village who would take you just the way you are and not subject you to this constant nitpicking. STEP OUT SIDE THEIR BOXES….PEACE and LOVE, T.

  • BMA

    I'm the mother of two African American daughters, one 22, one 19. They are brilliant, self-assured, and confident compared to their white counterparts. To hear them tell it, the white women at their colleges are overly sexualized, vapid, and aimless, and I'm supposed to want my daughters to emulate them? No thank you. My daughters wear their hair natural and free, carry themselves with pride and dignity, and expect to be respected, so set your sights high and don't waver. If anything, women should be emulating black women, not the other way around.

    Don't lose heart. The dirty little secret that the statistics never tell us about white women is their divorce rate. They may get married at 21, but are they still married at 31? Or are they already on marriage number 2 or 3 by 41?

    If your mama advised you to get that degree and then get the M.A. or Ph.D or M.D., go for it. Then keep your options open. Don't believe the lies that black women aren't desirable or that black men don't want us. But do yourselves a favor, don't have a baby to go with every failed relationship. That's where black women trip themselves up.

    I've been married to a fabulous black man for 25 years. I'm opinionated and educated, and I wear my hair in a white 'fro. My husband loves me. My girlfriends and I are in our fifties, and men, white ones too, still give us a nod on the street. Black women age beautifully. So ladies enjoy your lives.

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  • ReleaseTheHold

    I mean't Bossip! cause this is one of there sites….mmmm….hmmmm

  • ReleaseTheHold

    This is A Dumb Ass Topic: White women have always been rich (er) in this country this is not new!
    Let me say this….Black people as a whole need to really step back and ask themselves why am I doing this….I'm talking to you Gossip people( creator) too…I know all these blogs are connected. I think there are agendas in all of this. This topic about race and mixing and black women are the worst people roaming the earth none sense was written hundreds of years ago….Break the negro woman and the negro child and they will all destroy themselves….man! We are living it! Attention! Attention! This stuff is not a topic in White America, in Asian American; in Latino America… please… please explain why it's a topic in our community?

  • Meagan Turner

    Has anyone stopped to think that there are some women, black, white or otherwise who choose NOT to marry? Marriage, dating; etc. does not define who you are as a woman or as a person in general.

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  • blacksky55

    For centuries black women have been cast in the role of villian. I for one have decided to be a better villian.
    # 1. I don't let haters or any one else determin how I feel about my self. #2 I am very good to me, #3. I can feel a brother and get as emotionally worked up as the next sista. At the end of the day a relationships has to be based on relevance

  • Dee

    I knew you would bring up your relationship, lol.
    Before that, hate filled pieces on Black men were all you were good for.

    This was one sister’s opinion, come up with your own ideas and topics that berate and criticize.

    Respectfully,

    Dee

    • you just dont know

      what you make no sense.

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  • kdubb

    My question to these ppl that keep saying black women are closed minded when it comes to dating men that are not black is where are these non black men that want to date black women? Ilive in Kansas city and there are nothing but "other" men and I rarely see a bw with one of them. There are very few "other" men that approach black women. We can't date ppl that don't want us so stop blaming us all the time damn.

    • commonsensereturns

      men are 'checking' for attractive women regardless of color. Its most black women I know who have no actual desire to date any men but black.

      Like I said before, men like attractive women period. This is why you do not see that most black men have any problems at all approaching, dating and yes marrying women of other races. They are not all doing this because black women are 'evil' but they are men and men like beautiful women no matter their color.

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  • MISSDANIBABY

    GREAT REFRESHING ARTICLE! THAT LAST ONE BY WILLIAMS WAS DOWN RIGHT DEPRESSING AND OFFENSIVE. BIG UPS TO SISTA TOLDJA!

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  • http://www.madamenoire.com A Single Rose

    Are you saying you love and support sistas even when the rest of the world is bashing them?

    • Ninja Bob

      Never trust a Laker fan. They'll boo the team if they're down by three points at halftime.

  • Miz

    Thank you for this article, it was well written. I have been married and engaged numerous times-this is not for bragging rights or even judgement, just to say that marriage is NOT unattainable. Being a black woman living in a diverse community, mainly white I am a witness to many of the myths that separate black women from white ones. With black men being husbands to many white wives, I see no fundamental change in behavior patterns. I commend my sisters for not settling for anything less than what we deserve. I see so many of our white counterparts working extra hard just to maintain a ring. White women love to say they are married and their husbands can be as worthless as an old transit token! I witness them being abused and abusive-because YES, they talk to black men like they are dirt. Why? Because America has placed them on an entitlement horse that they are not afraid to ride. I'll be happy to see the day when we can be ourselves in our natural hues and individual attitudesthat we own without having to answer for them or compare ourselves to those who could NEVER be in our league.

  • http://singleblackmale.org Known as Dr. J

    It's same thing with the analysis of Black relationships by Black people. Don't get mad because one day you see something bigging you up and the next tearing you down. For the most part, Black men aren't Lebron, they're Kobe. We may threaten to leave, but we're not going anywhere. And for women, it's okay to scream at someone on the team. Just last night the two leaders of the OKC Thunder got in a screaming match during the game about the game strategy and performance. They're still on the same team and they are only trying to win. That don't make them the enemy. I hope this makes sense.

    • http://singleblackmale.org Known as Dr. J

      Thanks for getting to the end of the comment. I hate how these things cut you off. But I don't think she was tearing Black women down. OK, maybe she was, lol. All i'm saying is, sometimes team members rant on each other. Typically, face-to-face meetings to hash out these issues result in hands being held again.

      Don't steal my post idea though, I'm writing a Lebron and Kobe post about men. I'll holla, we need your presence over at SBMDOTORG.

      • http://www.madamenoire.com A Single Rose

        Okay!

  • http://www.theTsaritsasez.com/ Alexandra

    The person who wrote the article you're commenting on needs to get their head out of their ass. Are they speaking from experience, or just making uneducated generalizations? Either way, I completely agree with you.

  • DJ1969

    "Williams was giving me flashbacks of Shahrazad Ali; I'm just waiting for her to tell us that an open-handed slap from our men is necessary from time to time."

    LMAO because honey, you ain't never lied. I swear when I read William's article, Ali's face was all I could see. Black women with that type of "If it's white, it's right. If it's black, get the hell back" type mentally scare me.

    Constantly trying to compare ourselves to white folks is counterproductive because we don't have an even playing field, and probably never will. We simply should just strive to be the best we can be and learn how to survive the best we can in this belly of the beast that we live in.

  • Nubianpolitics

    Amen girl!!!! I always tell my girlfriends, and any guy that thinks I'm really going to chase after him, that I value my self too much to run after a man that doesn't want me,because I know my worth and when see's fit I'll met a man that truly understands and appreciates my worth. Its doesn't mean that I won't date guys but marriage is serious, those are vows you make in front of God to another person. Getting married should not be a contest, that one group of women are "Winning" in.

    • nubianpolitics

      I left out the "God" in the sentence. It should be "When God see's fit.."

  • Karyn

    I agree w/ Jzcaramel, & more and more I’m seeing black women with non black men. I went to Vegas a couple years ago & was almost shocked at the number of interracial couples I saw where the woman was black! It’s like this…there will always be black couples & black men are not going to stop dating women from other races. Interracial dating is only going to increase, so we as black women should be more open to dating different types of men.

    I’ve been asked out by a couple white men before but would have NEVER even entertained the thought of being with a white guy. But a couple months my personal trainer (who is white) and I were hanging out & there was definately some electricity there…I mean I sensed some chemistry before & he’s a great looking really nice guy, but I just brushed it off cause I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be interested in a bw. Anyway, he asked me out on a date & normally i would have said no, but I decided hey why not! BM are always saying we’re too picky & they’ve been seeing other race women for years so I gave it a shot. We’ve been seeing each other for the last 2 months & I’m not gonna lie it kind of awkward at first but we really enjoy each other & have learned that communicating our feelings is key.

    If a bw finds a compatible bm I think that’s great, but don’t limit yourself to a man that has to have a certain type of job, look, OR skin color cause you may miss out on your perfect match. My dream now is to be in love & married to a great guy…not necessarily a great “black”.

  • France

    I will echo the author’s question again: What factually do non-black woman have that makes them better for love than a black woman? Is it even possible to answer that question without degrading?
    The notion that black women lack attractive qualities compared to white woman sounds like the shallow arguments some brothers use to justify their preference for dating non-black women; all stereotypes, no facts. Why not just do you, bruh?
    A black woman thinking she will be more successful in love if she appeared/seemed more like her white counterparts is beyond ridiculous. What would that entail anyway (Again, try not to degrade black women)? Would behaving more like a non-black woman make us feel better in our black skin, appease or societal challenges? Probably not!
    Black women have better things to do than worry about what white women think. We are succeeding educationally and economically, but have pretty far still to go. Since our brothers are not statistically there with us, our path to success is harder. We need to continue to work on being and doing the positive things in life, because we deserve what a positive outlook will bring us. Leave the shallow thoughts and arguments to the shallow people.

  • Devyn

    THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. I am so tired of hearing black women compare themselves to the Euro-centric standard of white women and white society.

  • Dave

    Great response. I think things may be a bit different for men. As a man my experience and that of other black men can be different. Perhaps it is the way we (men) are socialized. So I will say this:

    In my world white men are winning and have been winning BIG for some time…..in most areas that matter to me. And as self-confident as I am, as able as I am, as fly as I am, as great as I am, I am indeed competing….in romance, in career/lifestyle aspirations, and in education. I am being bombarded with images from home and away that tell me he is better than me, that he is a better father and provider than me, more stylish and more socially acceptable. I am told he is less threatening when he passes women on the street, I am told he is more mature, a better husband than me, that he is more progressive than me, that he is a better provider, that he is less homophobic, that he is smarter than me, that he is more of a man than I and everything in society (even on the home front) says so. I think Ms Williams even wrote something (with a lot of cosign) that said all of these things.

    My response: I could care less about being like him. I'm to fly. Period.
    But I can not deny that I am competing with him, even in romance (and they say we are not attracted to the same things, but I know better).

    And I am going to compete until I make him count his loses….until I am winning.

    And it's cool. I accept the challenge. Because he will lose.

    • EZRawlins

      Wow Dave, everything you wrote is SO TRUE. I am so sick and tired of being criminalized merely for being Black. It's ridiculous and hurtful – and problematic, because white fear of criminalized Black men manifests itself in the boardrooms of banks, HR departments, media/editorial departments, etc. Great post.

      This hardly solves the problem (especially given the declining rate of Black male attendance) but I would certainly recommend that sistas begin their search in college (just as their white counterparts do. I think we (Blacks) are socialized to see college as a place for job-training/ career preparation (much like job Corps) and not as a fertile place for finding a spouse. Why NOT see it as such a place? Why NOT look for a souse among the striving, educated population of men at college? I can't get over how many white chicks I know who graduate from college with boyfriends, fiances or husbands – and how few sistas even considered such a prospect. Again, this doesn't solve the entire problem – no single proposal will – but it certainly helps…

    • Grata

      Dave, now imagine a Black man being the author of the "White man is winning" article with the points you have raised then you will see why it is so wrong for a Black Woman to write the same regarding White Women winning.

      • Dave

        grata, if a black man wrote it i would not make me mad. i would use it as power and motivation.
        because everything says that they are winning. but i wouldn't sweat it too much. i hope they know they are winning and i hope they are comfortable out in front…..

        it makes it sweeter when i catch up from the back unnoticed. but like i said, maybe i am socialized to think that way.

    • @lady_t_04

      I hear you, Dave. As someone who spent many years working in corporate america, the white guys are winning big time! Anyone who is different from them and/or not in their inner circle, is catching hell, including white women. I have worked white women who cried in my office about how they can't find a good man (say it ain't sot?), can't get pregnant, can't get promoted, etc. They complain about the same stuff that black women, and probably women of all hues, do. The married ones complain even more! Ever listen to them talk to their husbands in the cubicle next to you? Are the people who write these articles observant at all? Do they have any white girl friends? I will tell you something that white women don't do – they don't spend 5 seconds thinking about how black women feel about them, and definitely won't write any articles on it. We should so the same and focus on living happily and loving abundantly. Peace.

      • EZRawlins

        Word, WORD! These articles suggest that things are so much better on the other side, but MY reality is that whites are suffering just like people of color. The difference? The media leads whites to believe that they're condition is better – INHERENTLY better – and thus whites fall for the okie doke. I listen to whites talk about the rising cost of health care, I look at the rising number of health-related bankruptcies, yet you've gt whites believing that universal health care is a bad thing. The ONLY way someone in danger of a health-related bankruptcy could believe that universal health care is bad is by media brainwashing/manipulation. Accordingly, neither Black women nor Black men should not allow themselves to be manipulated by a racist media.

      • Maurissa

        I just want to say thank-you for pointing that out. I was starting to wonder if maybe I had some 6th sense and the only person who see's that these 'issues' that seem to be the trendiest topic now days is not confined by skin color, and that because I am a black female I am dysfunctional and incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship/marriage. When you see white people outside of the work environment and in their comfortable settings where they are being socially interactive, I see, in equivalence , the same 'issues' being thrown on black women AND men take place amongst their inner circles. I have seen white women disrespect their significant others verbally, and physically. I see them be independent, voice their opinion, not back down, threaten, loud, rude, etc. I see them do sneaky vindictive stuff, I've seen them do all type of things that we black women somehow supposedly 'own'. I have overheard 1st person details about the WW going 'ham' on the husband who turns the key at 5 a.m. in the morning too.

      • Maurissa

        Now, what I see with my own two eyes was the reality of the situation. I just wonder what these other people are seeing. How are they so blinded to believe their behavior is acceptable or excusable, and ours is demonized, criminalized, belittled, pitied, (pick your negative word and place it here -ized). This is what I know for certain: There are good individuals and there are bad. I also know that just because someone who looks like me did a wrong act, I do not have to own it or repeat it. That would be foolish, and it would be foolish for an onlooker to consider such sophist reasoning.

    • http://revolutiongrl.blogspot.com revolution grl

      best comment in this entire thread.

  • EZRawlins

    I'm saddened by the woeful state of Black Love (as represented by these comments, articles, etc.). I have a hard time accepting that Black men and women are as far apart as this incessant conversation would suggest. And while i believe that Williams article has a wee bit of merit to it, I also believe that her generalizations obscure (if not ruin) or otherwise valid observations.

    If the gist of Toldja's article is that Black marriage should not be the sole responsibility of Black women, then I'm in agreement with her 100%. It's ridiculous to believe that improvement has to only occur on one side of a two-sided equation. It matters not what Black women do if Black men do not desire healthy families and healthy relationships. We've gotta work both sides. And rather than simply look t the symptom (i.e., Black women's 'attitudes') we must look at the cause. WHY are Black women seemingly exasperated by relationships with Black men? WHY have they erected defense mechanisms?

    Last thing: PLEASE don't read too much into the carefully-selected images prominently portrayed in the media. We must stop believing that the media is color-blind and impartial! I recently reviewed a list of the '10 hottest NBA wives and girlfriends' (WAGs) and 9 of the 10 were white or hispanic (G. Union the sole – or is it 'soul?' – exception). At first glance one may deduce that NBAers need to have a non-white woman in order to have a 'hot' companion, but the truth is the list was part of a media agenda to perpetuate the racist notion that non-Black women are prettier than Black women. The list – like the notion – is b.s. and we shouldn't ascribe to that mess.

    • commonsensereturns

      I agree. The whole sentiment of the argument seems to be that black women are the ones who need to 'fix' themselves. You are quite right they want to fix the symptoms without addressing the cause.

      Black women have attitudes – why?
      Black women aren't submissive – why?
      Black women choose horrible men – why?
      Black women aren't understanding – why?

      Let's address the underlining issues and not just the manifestation or symptoms of the 'problem'.

  • Lotoya

    I think there is a large sector of the black women population that are not marry because they don't want to. As we continue to more a head of our counterparts in the educational arena we are becoming more wise in the business of marriage. I think a lot of us realized that some men aren't worth marrying even if we have love for him. I see marriage as a business and a lot of black men are capable of being business partners. I am currently engaged to a WM who accepts me for who I am fully and never did I think that day would come when a man would see the good in me regardless of all my faults but it arrived when I closed my eyes and opened my heart. I know that BW are supposedly not attracted to WM- Chris Rock all I know is that respect, love and acceptance is real attractive to me.

    On another note black men marry white woman that white men wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole while white men marry black women that black men would love to be. Just my observation

  • Regine

    I loved this. Everything was spot on.

  • Hot Mama

    why does this site like to stir up al lthis nonsense…write something NOT about white woman being better than us..
    ..Walmart Giving Back After Laying Off Over 50,000 People.. $1,000 Giftcards – I Grab 2 of Them..LOL http://goo.gl/ggRyB

  • jzycaramel

    interesting article. i think the problem (if you want to call it that) with single black women is limiting the dating pool to black men. i think if the options were expanded to explore men of other races black women would we be married in larger numbers. when you look at the statistics of available single black men it makes more sense to broaden your options. why not? think on it

    hotep

    • commonsensereturns

      @cute_BIG_gul men are attracted to attractive women period! Which is why so many black men have no problem dating any race of women they find attractive. You obviously have your own hangups regarding interracial dating (which is your prerogative) but don't paint with such a broad brush, non black men are checking for attractive black women the same as any man would any other women he found appealing.

      Outside of black men I don't know how many are into 'Big Guls' but that is a different argument for a different time.

  • Craigslist Killer :)

    man..this site goes hard on the black race..
    Walmart Giving Back After Laying Off Over 50,000 People.. $1,000 Giftcards – I Grab 2 of Them..LOL http://goo.gl/ggRyB

  • Adia K

    Sounds like a bitter, black woman with child to me. Yall need help! I'm a black woman who is not married but I don't have a problem at all finding and dating decent men. I don't know what all this "The problem with black women… (insert any negative thing in here that you want)" is about. You all fuel the fire with the new articles every day. No matter what you or another author says all I hear is "We know something is wrong with us, but it's not our fault". PLEASE, someone write an article to/about the black man. They need way more help than we black women do!

    • http://twitter.com/mademoiseleogus MademoiseleOgus

      YES! of all the posts! this is what spoke to me! well said.

  • Liza207

    Even with all our worshipping and non reciprocal support of them we are still demonized by them and that is the result when people are put on a pedestal without having to earn the right to be put on one; they in turn become ungrateful, entitled and arrogant as BM have become.

    They also need to stop being dishonest and just admit that they prefer WW and they prefer them no matter how they look or how they treat them and just call it a day, already.

    I agree with the part about submitting to a man. I'm an Alpha female and I have been looking for that strong, capable and man's man that I could just submit to. Yes, I'm waiting to exhale. And, he definitely won't be black that's for sure.

    • momo

      cosign 100%

    • DonWilli

      I'd just like to take this time to thank you for throwing all black men under the bus after piling us into a monolithic group. I mean everybody know that all black are worthless, so feel free to thread on black men some more. You go girl. You go and get that white man you can respect and submit to, because God knows you deserve it.

  • liza207

    I totally agree with Super Sistah, too. And I get the point that L. Williams' article was making as well. But from what I have observed for a long time in the "Black community" is that BW have been catering to BM and their egos for a very long time now. There has been allot of coddling and putting BM on pedestals (referring to them as Kings, Princes and other such nonsense). This is something I have not witnessed from women of other races doing to their men, including WW, who seem to take great pleasure in needlessly trashing their men whenever they feel like it. So, I think it's pretty safe for me to say that we have done more than our share as BW to support and uplift our male counterparts (even though they have not warranted any of it, in my opinion). ____Even with all our worshipping and non reciprocal support of them we are still demonized by them and that is the result when people are put on a pedestal without having to earn the right to be put on one

  • Ajalyn

    As a Black woman I never take offense to articles like these and would find it hilarious if anyone compared me to a White woman. I am not a racist…I am a realist and the reality is that many Black men prefer White women because they are passive. Many Black men can go to a White woman's house at 4 a.m. with lipstick on his collar and a condom hanging from his pocket and her immediate agenda will be how fast she can serve him dinner. A Black woman on the other hand would not permit such blatant disrespect and may react with allegations of infidelity or even violence. Many Black men have made a choice long before now…the enabler or the enforcer. Most have chosen the enabler…who else would permit you to stay out for 4 days without calling home and not suffering repercussion? The biggest myth surrounding Black women today is that most are single due to their behavior. The fact is that most are single because they refuse to lower their standards, dignity, character and ethics just to be able to say "I have a man". Any woman regardless of race who enables her spouse to show blatant disrespect is not winning. When you have to call your man and ask him to come home…you have lost. When your man unlocks the door at a respectful hour because he has been thinking of you all day…you have won. I have not stereotyped all Black men in my post because some Black men are ethical, moral and treat others the way they desire to be treated. You are only in competition with a White woman if you enable your man to come into your house at 5 a.m. – remember that.

    • ItsWhatever

      You go, Ajalyn!

      That's pretty much how I see it too! Don't get me wrong, I love my blaque men, but I don't have a problem with the ones who want to go to the trailer park or even the roadside park for that matter.

      We, as blaque women are furthering our education and are able to sustain until we are found by that one.

      I have always been blacque despite the various names that we have been "given or assigned" over the centuries. And I must say that while I won't wait forever for even the right brother to find me, I know that it's a great idea to keep those doors open to all men who are capable and available to love a Queen such as myself.

    • Kristi

      Not all us white women slap dinner on the table either! I so appreciate the forthrightness of the views presented here; these responses make me proud to be a WOMAN right alongside of you. No, I have no idea of what it means to be a black woman, but I do know respect and honor. And time and time again, it is crucial to present yourself with dignity-so I love the comments 'regardless of race' and when you speak in terms of empowering all women to be strong in their relationship with any man or with their girls.

  • Mz Prez

    Woman of all color need to understand that as long as there is hate and bitterness in your heart more than there is love and respect than you will live a very sad…complicated…and dark life. Love more than you hate…thats whats really up…i worry about mz prez movin ahead n bein better…

  • isis

    I agree with Super Sistah 100%

  • L-Boogie

    Yes, I did. Just wanted to rant. Thank you very much.

  • http://www.thesupersistah.com The Super Sistah

    I see where you're going with your criticism but I think Williams has a point if not just a little sckewed. It's naive to think that we are not in competition. Life is a competition. From the beginning of time people compete for food, water, jobs and all human resources deemed necessary. In our case what is necessary is men and yes women compete for them to. In business, sports and all aspects of life people learn from each other and take what ever strategy the other team has perfected to win the game and the battle. It's the Art of War 101. The white woman may not be our superior but she is our competition and to fail to compete is to hand her the victory without even stepping up to the plate. As black women we are exceptional human beings and no one has the right to malign us or tear us down but if we can improve in our approach, our execution or our outlook then it is our job to gather all tools and come to the game (the love game) prepared. Sitting back and saying to yourself that black women are a separate entity not to be judged by anyone else's standard is a romantic notion. In the end we are all women with the same moving parts, if the white girl has a leg up then I think we should steal her secrets if she has any and use that knowledge to win at everything.

    The Super Sistah
    Author of http://www.dontletthewhitegirlwin.com

    • Jay

      Well said!!!!

    • internalbeauty

      you are the only person who made sense on this page!!

  • nubian politics

    Thank you for your response. I completely agree! And like many of girlfriends that read that article their jaw dropped when they saw the title. I understand what she was “trying” to do but she left out so many other factors.

    • L-Boogie

      I agree, Nubian Politics. Trying and doing are two totally different things. Step your game up! LOL!

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