Brian McKnight is going to celebrate his bonus family whether folks like it or not.
We’ve all gotten that friend request from a second cousin or aunt and thought, “This is not good.” They just think it’s fun to follow what’s happening in your life, but you have intentionally curated and edited what you show them about it.
They feel entitled to having things their way. You feel entitled to having things your way. It’s a lot to contend with. We spoke with licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Dumaz, author of “The Love Challenge,” about the most common in-law issues that occur and how to address them.
After Jenae Wallick accused Tim Norman, of Sweetie Pies fame, of being an absentee father and an abusive partner, he responded in a 6-minute-rant. . See what he had to say.
You always find yourself fighting when you’re together. When you visit them, you feel like you’re counting down the minutes until they make one of their comments. When they do make such a comment, you feel they are picking a fight. You explode. You ask, “Why do you always do this!” and storm off. Or you say something intentionally hurtful, and escalate the conflict.
I need designated alone time. I need to make phone calls, sit around in my underwear with a face mask on, read an important email without interruptions, and so on. When I do this at my mom’s house, I can feel her waiting for me to be done—wondering when the visit will resume. If I have a hotel room, I can go take designated alone time for hours without feeling someone is watching my bedroom door, waiting for me to come out.
When I lived in town, I felt taken for granted. In a week I might pop over to my parent’s house several times to help them with all sorts of errands, and all they’d talk about is the one time I didn’t make it. There was no big, “Thank you for ALL you do for us.” And that made me not want to help them at all. Now, when I go home, I’m happy to help with a few things because I get that big, “Thank you.”
If there is one common theme amongst all families it’s this: feeling slighted. Everybody feels that, in some way, some family member (or multiple family members) isn’t giving them the attention or respect that they deserve. You can feel that way about your sibling while your parent is busy feeling that way about you.
If you see ways in which you could help his family—like a job recommendation you could give his sibling—do you help? It’s not like you’re actually harming your partner in any way by doing so, but you know he doesn’t actively want good things for the family members he hates.
You can’t help but feel at times as if your father doesn’t love you as much as he used to. He is with a woman whose actions directly and negatively impact you. You know that he knows it so…how are you supposed to not take that personally?
You’ve been to a lot of therapy and eventually became smarter than the therapists. You already came to all the conclusions they come to, a long time ago.
Everybody makes an irresponsible purchase from time to time. But you don’t need to tell your parents about the rare and uncommon times your partner mishandles money. You know that’s not who he is—but they’ll worry about your financial future with him.