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Nobody quite understands us and misunderstands us, all at the same time, the way our parents do. Am I right? I know. It is frustrating. They’ve known you your entire life. They know the kid in you. And, in many ways, the kid in you is the real you. There are elements of you that you have carried with you since childhood, and will always carry with you, and that’s good—that’s the real you, unencumbered by the worries and complexes adulthood give us. But there are other elements of the kid in you that you have done away with, and it’s for the better. Maybe you have become more confident, while you used to be so insecure. Maybe you have become more patient, while you used to throw a tantrum over anything.
Unfortunately, it can be hard for our parents to detangle the good parts of kid you from the bad parts of kid you that they know. They might always see you just the way you were when you were seven years old, and treat you as such. That can be frustrating. It can lead them to say things to you and believe things about you that just aren’t true (anymore), and are rather hurtful.
Then there’s the simple fact that our parents worry about us deeply. They literally wake up every day, live, and breathe, just to be our parents—even when we’re grown up. So they’re very invested in our lives. They can’t just say nothing when they see something that concerns them. For all of these reasons and more, our parents can say and do things that deeply trigger us. But you must understand, for all these reasons and more, that they don’t mean to. You may not be able to change them; you have just to change your response to them. Here are signs your parents still trigger you.
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Comments about your clothes set you off
When you visit your parents, sometimes you step out of your room (or the guest room) and they immediately say something like, “You’re going to wear that?” “That’s inappropriate, change,” or “Why don’t you wear the dress I gave you?” and it makes your blood boil. In fact, you put on something even more inappropriate just to remind them you’re an adult who can dress herself.
