How Needy Are You? The 6 Levels of Neediness Exhibited in Relationships

November 15, 2011  |  
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There is no right or wrong level of neediness. The right man is out there for you—the one who is ready to meet your needs. The trouble is that, many women don’t date that man. In every relationship, there is one person who is more invested than the other. That’s normal. But, if you think about your friends, you can probably name multiple relationships in which one person is heavily more invested in the relationship, and you feel sorry for them. You feel sorry for them because they are always the one waiting for the call back, they are always the one making plans for the couple, they are the one keeping the couple in mind with every decision they make, while the other person just pops in and out when they feel like it. You don’t want to be in a relationship like that—whether you’re the needy one or not. So, figure out what level of neediness you are—be aware of it—so you can determine if a man will be able to meet your needs.

The pre-mature housewife

As soon as the relationship is official, you practically move in. You secure a key to his house. You buy him groceries. You make plans for the two of you—RSVP to events as a couple, book airline tickets—without consulting him first. You call the doctor for him when he complains of a sore throat. Some men love this. They love to be taken care of and there is no such thing as too soon for them. But for some men, this cues the music from the Scream movies. If you see a guy’s jaw drop slightly or you can see the entire white’s of his eyes when he finds you’ve cleaned his whole house, it may be too soon for him.

The doter

You don’t completely take the reigns like the pre-mature housewife but, to an extent, your life revolves around your guy. You do not RSVP you and your man to an event unless you know he can make it. Why? Because if he isn’t going, you’re not going either. If his parents insist that he come home for the holidays, and your parents extend an invite as well, your parents will just have to wait until next year. You do not make plans ever without keeping your guy in mind.

The new best friend

You used to have a surrogate boyfriend in the form of a best friend. You would text her every funny thing that happened all day. You would instant message her from work, complaining about the day, rehashing every little detail. If anything went wrong, you called her immediately to vent or cry about it. Now, you do that with your man.  Your best friend before was really just a place-holder.


It does exist. If you’re invited to something that sounds great, you RSVP as going solo. You invite your guy and if he can/wants to come, terrific. If not, no skin off your back.  You don’t feel rejected and you’re able to enjoy your time at the event without him. You don’t become anxious if a few days go by during the week when you don’t see your guy. You understand you’re both busy and just want to go home from work, have dinner, watch TV and pass out. On the days you don’t see one another, you maybe text a few times, and have a goodnight phone call.

The weekend girlfriend

This is often a business woman whose brain is too wrapped up in work during the week to switch it off for a few hours and be cute and cuddly directly after working a 14 hour day. Or, she could just be a introvert. Someone who likes a lot of alone time to think and unwind. She reserves socializing for the weekends, and that includes the boyfriend.

The utilitarian

This one is verging on a friend with benefits. This woman can go a couple of weeks without seeing her boyfriend. She has a very active social life, is constantly invited to exciting events, club openings, even up to vacation houses with friends. She would rather run around unencumbered by a partner whose needs always have to be considered. But, when she is with her man, she is totally present. When there is an event where it is just strange to not bring a plus one, she makes sure he is coming. Not to mention, on nights when she goes out and gets drunk with friends, she is happy to call up the boyfriend and return to his dependable arms at the end of the night. She is very independent, very busy, but she likes to have a rock.

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