Unexpected Pitfalls Of Sleeping With Your Close Friend
You may think you’re all mature adults and that you and your friend can handle sleeping together. You’re not some messy ball of emotions who cannot separate sex and feelings. But separating sex and feelings with a guy you just met at a bar, and separating sex and feelings with a good friend, are two different things. Of course, you can separate sex and emotions with a stranger—there are no feelings there, to begin with! But you do have feelings towards your friend. You feel bonded to him. You know him well. You like him as a person. No matter how “chill” you are, you can’t escape the problems that come with sleeping with a friend. Nobody can. Here are the unexpected pitfalls of sleeping with a friend.
What happens when he dates someone?
If that friend winds up getting a girlfriend, then you’re the girl, hanging around in the friend group, with whom he slept. That girlfriend will always wish you weren’t around. You’ll be a problem. Would you want your boyfriend having a friend around with whom he’d slept? Probably not.
What happens when you date someone?
When you start dating someone, that guy won’t like that you have a friend you hooked up with. If you don’t tell him and he finds out, he’ll feel like you lied to him. If you do tell him, he’ll forever dislike your good friend. He can’t help it. That guy has been inside of you.
It pisses off your other friends
Your other friends get pretty upset. They feel like you put the harmonious dynamic of the friend group at risk, all for your own selfish pleasure. Even if they say it’s fine…it’s not. They’re all a little pissed at the two of you.
You read into everything afterward
You can’t help but read into your interactions with this friend after having sex. You wonder if, when he texts to hang out, it’s to hang out, or to have sex. When he does something nice, you wonder if it’s because he has developed feelings for you. You’re always in your head when you interact with this friend.
You can’t talk to him about your sex life
Remember when you used to tell this friend your hookup stories? You can’t really do that anymore. How can you tell him about this weird/good/bad thing a guy did in bed when he might have done the same things in bed?
Everyone presumes something’s always up
Anytime you hang out with this friend, your other friends will presume you’re hooking up. The openness you used to have with your friend group will be gone. They’ll talk behind your backs. They’ll whisper when you’re in the other room.
People will want you to date
Some people will pressure the two of you to just date already! You clearly like each other, since you’re friends, and now you’ve had sex. What makes a better pair than friendship plus sex?
You’ll keep going back to each other
Any time either of you ends a relationship you’ll go back to each other. You already seek comforting, rebound sex between relationships and now you have it easily accessible. But this could hold you back from moving forward in your love life.
You’ll question his intentions
You’ll never be able to just enjoy a favor from this friend again. If he gives you a ride home when you’re drunk, helps you move, or fixes something in your home for you, you’ll wonder if he’s trying to get back into your bed.
You’ll compare his girlfriends to you
You can’t help it! At one point, he considered you that way. So now you look at all the other women he sees that way and compare yourself to them. If any of them seem a lot like you, you’ll wonder if he’s just trying to replace you.
Other male friends think they can too
Some of your other male friends may try to sleep with you, assuming that you just like to sleep with your male friends.
So much for sleepovers
You used to go on road trips together, share hotel rooms when your friends group traveled, or sleep at one another’s places after a drunken night. Now there’s just a weirdness to sleepovers. You’re both wondering if it is going to happen again.
You can’t go to each other over heartbreak
You feel strange about going to this person, who you slept with, to talk about your heartbreaks and dating life. His opinion is no longer unbiased.
You’ll wonder if you should just get married
Sometimes you’ll wonder, “Should I just marry this guy? My dating life isn’t going great and we do get along…” And hey, maybe you should!
Things can’t be the same again
You can’t get your friendship back to the way it was before. You just can’t. You know things about each other that you can’t un-know, including the fact that, under certain circumstances, you can be attracted to each other.