UPDATED: Jan. 5, 2021 —
Most children don’t dream of growing up, meeting their soul mate, marrying their soul mate, and then have sex with other people while letting their spouse do the same. In other words, most of us aren’t naturally predisposed to swinging. Some argue that humans are predisposed to be promiscuous, and sleep with plenty of people. Some argue we’ve evolved to be monogamous. But few people agree we’re meant to be in some in-between area, where we’re both committed to one person and sleeping with plenty of others. But that’s exactly what swinging is. By definition, swinging is a sexual activity in which both partners in a committed relationship sexually engage with others for recreational purposes.
“Getting into a rut in life is NOT fun, but it can be even worse when it’s in the bedroom,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, sex therapist and founder of AnnodRight. “Swinging allows for a whole different experience and a whole new world of sexual tastes. You get to learn from others, add people to the mix, and maybe expand the sexual acts you’re willing to try!”
If our DNA, our upbringing, and our society don’t prompt the decision for a couple to become swingers, what does? You’ve probably wondered that when you’ve met swingers, or when married friends of yours have told you they’re going to start swinging. If having an open marriage is on your list, just be sure you are open with your partner. In a 2019 study conducted at the University of Rochester, researchers found that “Secrecy surrounding sexual activity with others can all too easily become toxic and lead to feelings of neglect, insecurity, rejection, jealousy, and betrayal, even in nonmonogamous relationships.” The same researchers also noted that the success of open relationships hinges on solid communication between all parties involved. If you think swinging is for you, it’s worth giving it a try.
If you’re exploring an open relationship with your mate, here are some of the top reasons to consider it:
1. You don’t want to cheat or split up
Sometimes a couple realizes they both have a strong desire to experience other sexual partners, but not for lack of loving each other or still wanting to have sex with each other. They don’t want to have to split up because they sleep with other people, and they don’t want to lie to each other about it, either.
“Often, we are taught that sexuality should be expressed in the confines of a committed relationship or marriage,” says Dr. Oriowo. “For women, especially Black women, there is the added layer of being a hoe which would make someone seemingly unsuitable for life as someone’s wife. This can lead to a lot of missed hoe-opportunities or (heuxpportunities) which then can be regained through a relationship that allows swinging.”