Things To Consider Before Marrying A Much Older Man
It’s not uncommon for a woman in her forties to fall for a man in his sixties, or for a woman in her thirties to date a man in his fifties. These unique middle-of-life age groups—they’re all beyond the tumultuous twenties but not yet considered senior citizens in the eyes of society—do a lot of commingling. In fact, many women in their thirties and forties aren’t attracted to men their own age, often finding them far too immature or promiscuous. Yes, even men in their forties can be too immature for women their own age. The trouble is that these age groups often don’t remain in the middle-of-life arena together for long. A woman in her forties may meet a man in his sixties who has the energy, stamina, and vigor of a forty-year-old man but within just five or seven years…he will be in his seventies. And that is a whole different ball game. Here are things to consider before marrying a much older man.
You may need to nurse him one day
You will go from being his romantic partner to his nurse one day. This, of course, happens in all couples, but when your partner is 20-some years older than you, it can happen so quickly that you almost feel cheated. You may, in fact, spend a quarter or more of the time you have with this person acting as his nurse rather than his lover. That’s a lot to ask of a woman who could still be living a rather uninhibited, free life.
While you’re also nursing your parents
If your partner is 20-some years older than you then he may be very close in age to your parents. That means that he could be elderly and require help at the same time your parents are. That means you’ll not just be busy taking care of one older person, but three. Most people feel that they can barely handle taking care of their elderly parents, let alone a significant other on top of that.
You may need to have a live-in nurse
You may find that, rather quickly, a third person moves into your home with your partner—a live-in nurse. It’s either have a nurse, or lose your life, your socializing and your freedom. Having a nurse relieves you of some responsibility, but it also means that you and your partner are never really alone again.
He will move into a retirement home before you
If you’re only a few years apart from your partner, you’ll likely happily move into a retirement home with him when the time comes—you weren’t far behind him on that anyways. But if your partner is in his eighties when you’re just in your sixties, he could very much need to be in a retirement home while the thought of moving into one yourself feels tremendously premature to you.
He’ll lose his sex drive far before you
You may spend some of your pique sexual years in a relationship with your vibrator. Again, if you and your partner are only a few years apart in age then you’ll lose your sex drive around the same time. But if you’re in your fifties, as a woman, you’re in your sexual prime years. Meanwhile, if your partner is in his seventies, he’ll have lost most of his drive.
You probably cannot have children
If you’re a woman in her forties hoping to have children later in life, you can’t do that with a man in his sixties. Well, you can, but do you want your partner to be 80-years-old at his child’s high school graduation? And passed away by the time she gets married?
If you do have kids, you’ll do most of the work
If you do manage to have children with a man who is 60 or older, you will end up doing most of the work. A man in his sixties only has a few good years of stamina left in him. After that, you’ll be helping with the homework, driving kids to soccer practice and staying up late to make sure your kids keep to their curfew. Parenting may be quite the lonely experience.
He’ll struggle to bond with your friends’ partners
Ideally, you’d like your partner to hit it off with your friends’ partners—this makes double dates and couples vacations a lot more fun. But a man in his sixties or seventies just may not bond with men in their forties that well. Everybody can make the effort, but in the end, everybody will be making a bit of a sacrifice on double dates and couples vacations.
You’ll struggle to bond with his friends’ partners
On the flip side, you’ll have a hard time feeling close to the significant others of your partner’s friends. You certainly enjoy the company of women in their sixties and seventies, but you don’t have the same ease of conversation and inside jokes that you have with women your own age.
He could retire when you’re at the height of your career
A woman in her forties or fifties is often at the height of her career. This can be when she’s earned the most respect, money, status, and notoriety. This can also be when she has to work the longest hours, take the most meetings and go on the most work trips. Meanwhile, if her partner is in his seventies or eighties he may be retired, leaving him spending his retirement alone.
He may die long before you
It’s a bleak topic but one that may be discussed: if your partner is 20-something years older than you then there is a good chance he will pass away before you. He may pass away when you’re still in your fifties or sixties, leaving you with more prime dating years ahead of you. (Aka leaving you to have to date all over again).
Nothing will be new to him
Experiencing new things together is an important part of bonding but nothing is really new to your partner who is 25 years older than you. Homeownership? He’s done it. Kids? Done. Marriage? Twice, plus divorces. These things have lost their novelty to your much older man.
You probably won’t be his great love
Let’s face it: you probably aren’t the one great love of a man in his sixties. He had that decades ago. You could be the great love of a man in his forties—heck, many men don’t even know who they are until their forties—but you won’t be the great love of a man old enough to have grandchildren.
Varying political and cultural beliefs
There always has been and always will be a great divide in political and cultural beliefs between distant generations. A 40-year-old woman today can be of the most liberal school of thinking, while her 65-year-old boyfriend may still think men and women should have separate bathrooms.
He’ll see your parents as peers
It’s only natural that your partner will feel like your parents were authority figures in his life. That’s how it’s supposed to be. But that just can’t happen when your partner is the same age as your parents. That built-in respect-your-elders dynamic won’t be there, and it could cause some tension.