I’ve got some unfortunate news for those of you who are emotionally guarded; it gets you nowhere. Well, correction; sometimes it gets you into some bad situations. Other than that, it gets you nowhere. In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken. So that could be why you keep finding yourself in relationships that bore you, or relationships with other emotionally closed off individuals. Those relationships aren’t very rewarding, are they? But you didn’t take the risk of putting your true self and your feelings on the table, so those are the types of relationships left for you. The emotionally open people get those giddy, best-friends-and-lovers, movie-type romances; you get the dead-end ones. Maybe you’ve never had your heart broken, and maybe you think that’s a perk. But it’s not worth foregoing a great relationship for. So, are you closed off and don’t even realize it?
You feel like dates are interrogations
You feel like first dates are interrogations and are put off by the line of questioning you receive during them. You spend the entire date with your body half turned to the side, and your eyebrows raised, as if you’re trying to detect your interrigators—err—your date’s next move.
You feel self-conscious around dogs and babies
Because you know you’re supposed to turn into a ball of mush around them, talking in a baby voice, kissing their little faces and showing your soft side. You hate showing your soft side.
Emotions seem inappropriate
Any time someone becomes emotional, it feels very inappropriate. Even if they’re doing it in the privacy or their living room, to you, they may as well be breaking down in the frozen food isle of the grocery store.
Friends don’t share their romantic stories with you
You have to hear it through the grapevine when your friend’s boyfriend proposes to her in an ultra-romantic way. Your friends don’t share these stories with you because you never give them the reaction they want.
You attract cocky guys
Cocky guys like a challenge and guess what? You’re a challenge. They can sniff you out from across the bar. Cocky men love trying to break down the walls of the most emotionally closed-off women, just to prove to themselves that they can.
You do a lot of Googling before first dates
You like to go into your dates armed. If a guy is going to criticize you in any way, you want to be ready with a document of his flaws and faults that you found online. You also just assume everybody is a liar, and so you want to compare what your date says to what you learned about him online.
You prep your friends to meet a guy
You spend a lot of time carefully curating which information you share with your boyfriends—and which information you don’t. You’re not going to let your friends blow that for you by telling him a story that shows you in a vulnerable, open light. So you prep them on which topics are off limits.
Sex is a competition
First off, the term “Making love” makes you nauseous. Second off, sex is a competition for you. You want to prove that you’re good at it. That’s all you’re focusing on—not connecting, and not enjoying yourself.
You’ve never cried to a partner
You’ve cried about things your partners have said, but you’ve waited for them to leave to do so. And you’ve certainly never leaned on a partner when you were upset about anything. That’s what crying in your car is for, right?
You hate writing cards
To you, cards are the worst. They’re just homework for you to write down your emotions. Yuck. You always take the humorous route on cards. And you don’t sign “With love.” You’re all about the “Best” and “Hugs.”
Eye contact makes you very uncomfortable
You have a list of people who you think make too much eye contact and you avoid them at all costs. If you have to have a long conversation with somebody, you start folding laundry or chopping vegetables to naturally avoid eye contact.
You’re quite sarcastic
Sarcastic and emotionally closed off people go hand in hand. Sarcasm is the art of not saying what you mean. Emotionally closed off people are all about that.
You’re very aware of your image
Closed off individuals are hyper aware of the image they put out there. They spend a lot of time and thought on their outfits, haircut, posture, makeup and every part of their aesthetic. God forbid they just let who they are naturally show in their appearance—they need to fully manipulate it.
You need an activity on date night
You don’t love date nights that simply involve dinner or drinks. You like bowling, kayaking, paintball…anything that helps you avoid just sitting with someone, having a conversation.
You roll your eyes at serious talks
If someone wants to have a “serious talk” with you, you roll your eyes, just like you did when you were called into the principal’s office in high school. You insert as many jokes into a serious conversation as possible.
You hate talking about dreams and goals
Deep down, it’s because if you talk about dreams and goals then you’re admitting that you have dreams and goals. You don’t want to admit that because what if they don’t come true?
You don’t tell guys when you’re sick
You don’t tell guys you’re dating, or your friends, or even your family when you’re sick. You stock up on medication at the pharmacy, under the disguise of a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses, and hide in your home until you’re better. Sickness is a weakness and you don’t like to appear weak.
Emotionally open people feel exhausting
You know the ones—they always want to know what’s happening in your life and tell you all about their emotional revelations and how they’re working towards their dreams. Ugh. Can’t you just sit around and criticize what celebrities are wearing like normal people?
You lose it when you’re drunk
All of those hidden emotions need to come out somewhere, and they often do when you’re drunk. You cry a lot when you’re drunk. And the next day, you give a death stare to anyone who mentions it.
You’ve never actually flirted
Flirting means showing your hand—revealing you like someone. You don’t do that. You show interest in a guy by meaning mean to him, challenging him, criticizing him and ignoring him.