8 Ways You Know He’s TOO Needy

November 1, 2011  |  
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Most relationship articles are geared towards getting more out of your man. Getting him to ask you more about your life—your family, your work, your day. Getting him to talk to you about his feelings. Getting him to be more generous in bed. You know all the signs that tell that a man still needs to learn to open up—to learn how to fuse his life with somebody else’s. But sometimes, the problem is of the opposite nature. Some guys only know how to fuse their life with somebody else’s. Some men need a woman in their life every second.  Maybe that sounds sort of nice. Sort of. But honestly…you’ll be seeking just as much advice on how to un-cling this guy from your arm, as you were on how to get more attention from the guy who barely scheduled you into his day. Here’s how you know if you’ve bagged (or been bagged by) a needy one.


He is texting you sweet things too quickly

It can be a nice change of pace from waiting to hear from a guy, but if a guy is texting you things like “I’m day dreaming about you” or “why can’t I just leave work and come cuddle up with you” after the first date…honestly even after the third date…he is most likely a guy who needs a woman in his life, and any woman will do. Most men don’t start saying, or even thinking, things like that until they have gotten to know a girl more thoroughly. The needy guy has already projected a dozen fantasies onto you of the perfect woman—because he wants a relationship now—and sees no problem sending that type of text.


He is too generous in bed

There is such a thing. The guy who communicates too much. The one who asks you any time he moves an inch or changes speed if that’s what makes you happy, or what else would make you happy, or literally just wants to pleasure you for hours. When you can get a guy you’ve been dating for a while to do this—that’s amazing. But, let’s be real for a second; normally, when having sex, a guy is usually pretty distracted by his own sensations. Your normal guy won’t be thinking that much about making this the ride of your life until you’ve been dating a bit longer. But a needy guy wants to lock you down.


He wants eye contact during sex

I’m sorry but—I don’t want to maintain eye contact with some dude I’ve only gone out with a few times during sex! It is way too intimate, before we have really gotten the chance to become mentally or emotionally intimate. But the needy men take this as an opportunity to create some false feeling of closeness, and they will ask you, right when you were totally into the moment, “baby, look me in the eyes.”


He starts canceling on his friends

A stable man with a full life—one who doesn’t have some void to fill with a woman—will not start bailing on his friends for a girl he just met. You have to earn the time with a normal, confident man. Just as he has to earn yours. He needs to get to know you to learn that you are worth staying home on the couch with, or bailing on a night with the boys to take you to dinner. A needy man will become very available immediately. You’ll probably hear a few phone calls on which his friends ask him to come out, and he says he’d rather stay in with you. He wants an insta-girlfriend.


He interrogates your friends

It’s great for a guy to care about your opinion of him, but a man with a sense of self worth—one who doesn’t need a woman to make him feel fulfilled—draws the line somewhere. A needy guy, however, will interrogate your friends the second you slip away to the bathroom. He will ask them what you’ve said about him, what he can do to make a better impression on you, what sort of guys you’ve dated in the past, if he is dressed in a way you like…

He remembers everything…including stuff that doesn’t matter

Yes, you want your man to care. You want him to bring you soup when you’re sick and ask you how job interviews went. But a needy guy will care too much, too soon. If you’ve only been on a couple of dates, the guy can leave it up to your close friends to bring you soup. But the needy guy will bring you a new pair of slippers because when you were on the phone he heard you stub your toe. Or he will deliver you a stack of DVD’s and a small home pharmacy when you’re home with a cold. I know—it’s sweet. But, honestly, a stable guy is just not going to do these things after 1 or 2 dates. He just isn’t.

He starts talking about the future

This is a way to force you to commit to more time. If you’re out with a needy guy, and you literally just walk by a sign that says “happy hour on Wednesdays” at some bar, he will say “we should go.” Even more so, if you bring up another town, or even country, you’ve wanted to visit, he will say “we should go.” See…he is already imagining a relationship with you.

He will get on the phone with your mom

Sometimes it’s funny when a guy steals the phone out of your hand to chat with your sister or friend or whoever you’ve got on there—but that comes later, in the relationship. A needy guy will start doing things early on like saying “tell your mom I say hi” if she calls while you two are out. Or even grab the phone to say “hello, is this _____ ‘s mom? Well I really like your daughter…” But that is just too close to home—literally—for the first few dates. This is his way of trying to infiltrate your life.


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