Healthy And Unhealthy Ways To Deal With Rejection

November 30, 2016  |  
1 of 20

(function(d, s, id) {
if (d.getElementById(id)) return;
var js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;
js.src = ‘//cdn4.wibbitz.com/static.js’;
d.getElementsByTagName(‘body’)[0].appendChild(js);
}(document, ‘script’, ‘wibbitz-static-embed’));

Being rejected is a terrible feeling—nobody denies that! If you put yourself out there by asking somebody out, telling someone you’d like a second date, or saying you’d like a relationship to become more serious, and they don’t feel the same way, it can feel like you’re standing in front of an audience naked. But just because something feels awful, doesn’t mean we should do something awful in response. That’s when we end up in a downward spiral of doing something that only makes us instantaneously feel better, but down the road, feel worse.

Plus we can use rejection as a learning opportunity. There’s always a reason somebody turns us down—not a personal one necessarily—but a reason that says something about human relations. Here are unhealthy ways we often deal with rejection, and the healthier ways we should.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Negotiating

Don’t negotiate. Don’t say, “I wasn’t thinking anything serious—I just meant we could grab coffee or something.” Don’t try to get part of what you wanted.

 

 

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Healthy: Just accept it

You’ll actually feel pretty good about yourself if you just say, “I appreciate you being upfront with me. I really hope all the best for you” and walk away. (Psst. You don’t need to mean those words at the moment—you’ll mean them later—just say them for now).

 

 

 

Corbis

Corbis

Unhealthy: Picking at their flaws

As a defense mechanism, you might start reflecting on all of the things that are wrong with the person—they’re not actually that attractive, and they really don’t have that impressive of a job. But this is immature, and ultimately, sh-tting on somebody doesn’t make you any happier.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Healthy: Think of why you aren’t compatible

If you really think about it, you could probably recall some incidents that showed that the two of you really were not compatible. You may have been too swept up in the excitement of a new person, or how attractive they were to see it, but now you can. So, they did you a favor.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Sliding into that friend zone

This is just your way of only half accepting the rejection. It’s almost as if you are back-pedaling and saying, “Well, I didn’t actually want to be romantically involved—I just want to hang out—don’t be so full of yourself.” But you do want to be romantically involved and being friends will drive you nuts.

 

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Healthy: Saying you should catch up down the line

You never know why people come into your life. Don’t shut this person out entirely because they’ve rejected you romantically. You don’t need to become their best friend, but keep the door open to some other type of connection. Some day, they may make a valuable professional connection, or introduce you to the true love of your life.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Picking at your own flaws

It’s common to want to pick on yourself when you get rejected. You might tell yourself that you’re not hot enough, you’re not adventurous enough, you’re not successful enough, etc. But you can’t consider changing your whole personality every time you get rejected—that’s not sustainable.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Healthy: Remember who you’ve rejected

You have probably rejected some guys who were adorable, hilarious, successful, adventurous and the list goes on but that it factor just wasn’t there for you. The deciding factor wasn’t some surface trait, but rather a chemistry thing. That was probably the case with the person who rejected you.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Binge eating

This is part two of criticizing yourself. You might think, “I’m not attractive enough for anybody so why do I try to be?” and order three large pizzas. This is, for several obvious reasons (including cholesterol) unhealthy.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Healthy: Make something

Instead of breaking something (like your healthy diet), make something. Instead of destroying your health, create something that reminds you how amazing you are! Whatever you’re great at—do it.

 

 

 

 

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Going out with someone you don’t like

Or even sleeping with them. You might feel tempted to turn to that guy who fawns over you, but who you really feel nothing for. You want the opposite of rejection right now. But this will leave you feeling icky and guilty.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Healthy: Agree to some new dates

Don’t call that guy you already know you don’t like, but do sift through some of those online dating messages you haven’t looked at yet. It’s amazing how the prospect of a new date can erase the memory of a failed one.

 

 

shutterstock

shutterstock

Unhealthy: Considering yourself cursed

Don’t start with this, “I’m cursed!” nonsense, insisting you choose all of the wrong men. Even if you were cursed, how on earth would you address that issue?

 

 

maiden name change debate

Corbis

Healthy: Remember you are in power

You aren’t cursed, but you may choose the wrong men. It’s time to bring those subconscious decisions to your conscious mind. What do the men you keep choosing have in common? Why do you think you look for that? How can you fulfill that in your life on your own, rather than through a man?

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Running from the pain

This could mean literally running. It could mean impulse shopping. It could mean going on a road trip you can’t afford right then and there. You want to replace the negative feelings you have with positive ones immediately. But the negative ones will just wait…

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Healthy: Acknowledge what you’re going through

You need to learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. It’s a part of being human, and it’s the only way you can stop yourself from doing unhealthy things like impulse shopping when you are uncomfortable. Just do nothing and feel the discomfort. You’ll be amazed to find that…it doesn’t kill you.

"sad woman pf"

Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Wanting to go smaller and safer

You may want to cancel all of your online dating subscriptions, cancel all of your upcoming dates, cancel all of your social plans and move into a retirement community to hide away until death. You want just to be safe. But that’s simply impossible in life.

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Healthy: Be proud of yourself

Hey, you just got rejected? Congratulations! That means you were bold! You put yourself out there! You have the guts to state what you want. Being rejected is proof of that. Did you ever think of it that way?

 

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Unhealthy: Keeping score

For some reason, when one bad thing happens, we start counting all of the bad things that have happened. You might think now it’s this on top of the broken shower at my place and the promotion I didn’t get.

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Healthy: Keep a different score

If you focus on all of the things that have gone right this year, you can probably make a longer list and feel much better.

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN