Relationship Problems Every Couple Thinks They Can Overcome — But Can’t
Sometimes, you just meet someone who is totally perfect for you in every way except for one big way. That thing is different for everybody, but whatever it is for you, you may think you can overcome it.
You might tell yourself, “Why would the powers that be let me meet this amazing person if we weren’t meant to be together?” Then you think, “Clearly, this is just a challenge for me—a test of my strength to see if I can get over my little pet peeve—and if I overcome it, I can have the love of my life.” (Cue nails on the chalkboard). That’s just not the case.
There are some problems, or different viewpoints, that couples just can’t overcome, no matter how compatible they are. Here are a few of them.
Kids vs. no kids
If you’ve always wanted kids, and know you cannot feel fulfilled in life without them, but your partner knows he will never, ever have them, it won’t work out. You’ll either resent him forever for stealing one for your greatest joys from you, or you’ll force him to have kids, and it will tear your relationship apart.
The hermit and the wanderlust
If you know you need to live in 30 different cities by the time your life is over to feel fulfilled, and your partner refuses to ever live anywhere else than the current city, it just can’t work. You’ll start to associate your partner with feelings of being trapped, limited and suffocated.
To swing or not to swing
Truthfully, if one person so much as says they’d like to swing and the other person is totally against the concept, it can end the relationship. Some people think a desire to swing is just a desire to cheat.
What constitutes as cheating?
Speaking of cheating, if you cannot agree on what constitutes cheating, then one person is bound to “cheat” in the eyes of the other person.
I’m bi—that’s cool, right?
It’s quite common for a straight person to have a hard time accepting the fact that their partner is bisexual. Even if the couple is monogamous, the straight person can develop trust issues, and never know which of their partner’s friendships are truly platonic.
The spendthrift and the penny pincher
If you believe in saving, investing, and building a nest egg, you’ll have a hard time living with a spendthrift. It’s hard not to take it personally when your partner chooses to spend money rather than put it towards a future with you.
The dead libido and the sexual primer
Even couples who are as emotionally close as can be still need a sex life—it’s a natural part of being more than friends. If you’re in your sexual prime, but are with someone who—for whatever reason—has no sex drive, you’re bound to feel unsatisfied and restless.
When the career is more important than the relationship
Some people genuinely believe that it’s okay to put their career needs before their relationship and family needs. If the person they’re with does not believe that then it’ll never work out.
Tolerance for yelling/screaming/anger
Depending on how you were raised, you may think that yelling is a natural occurrence between people who love each other. But some people see yelling as extremely abusive, and a relationship-ending behavior.
When the family and the boo can’t get along
You might be able to survive this for a while, but eventually, being with a man who doesn’t like your family (or whom your family doesn’t like) will put an insufferable amount of stress on you. You’ll end up feeling that neither of those relationships is all that they could be.
The prenup debate
For your partner, writing up a prenup could be an entirely unemotional decision—something that isn’t personal at all. But, for you, the mere suggestion of one implies doubt in the relationship, which can ruin everything.
Friends with exes
There are generally two schools of thought on the topic of being friends with an ex; one thinks there is no reason and that it’s unacceptable, and the other sees it as their natural right to be friends with whoever they want. If you and your partner are of different schools of thought on this, you’ll fight constantly.
When someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol, they become someone else entirely when they’re on their substance. They won’t pay your relationship or you the respect or regard they normally would. You can try to tell yourself, “That’s not who they really are” but you won’t be comforted by that for long.
A gambling addiction combines the typical behaviors of any type of addict—being irresponsible, noncommunicative, moody, destructive—with the habits of a spendthrift. So this type of addict can break your heart and your bank account.
If you’ve already joined your finances, and your partner wants to lend money to a friend or family member, you might have a fight on your hands. For years. If you say no to the loan, your partner can see this as you not caring about his family. If you say yes, you’ll spend years resenting your partner every time you can’t buy something you wanted because your husband’s cousin took ten grand from you.