Telling Your Exes You Have An STD -- Here's What To Expect

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If you’ve ever had the miserable experience of being diagnosed with an STD, then you’ve probably also had your doctor suggest that you call all of your past sexual partners and tell them. It’s the right thing to do, of course, but it’s also a very uncomfortable thing to do. When have you just felt like calling everybody you’ve slept with? There is usually a reason you stopped sleeping with them, and that reason can range from the fact that they were clingy, they were married and they were mean to petty things like they were bad in bed, or they were players. Regardless of the reason, most exes you call up won’t be happy to hear from you, and that’s before they even know the reason you’re calling. So brace yourself; here’s what to expect when telling your exes you have an STD.

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You’ve already moved on?!

Some men assumed you were pining after them all of this time. It’s a harsh wake-up call that you were, well, not.

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But we used condoms!

Not everybody is well-versed in STDs. A lot of men think you just can’t catch any so long as you use a condom.

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So?

Hey, some guys don’t care. You may want to insist that they get tested because, with that attitude, they might be the ones spreading the STD.

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Want to go out when you’re better?

Some guys have been pining after you. They think maybe you’ll be less selective now that you’ve had an STD, and give them a second chance.

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I wish it were a deadly one!

Then there will be those angry guys–the ones with the big egos who can’t believe you ever dumped them–who will declare that they wish you had a deadly STD.

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Who is this?

Yikes. Yeah–that will happen, too. The guy who doesn’t even remember you slept together.

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“John’s not home; this is his wife.”

Some of the men you’ve slept with have since gotten hitched! So now, you have to form some strange message to leave with their wife.

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“John’s not home; this is his husband.”

See above, but it turns out the man was gay after all.

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“I knew you’d call…”

Mister Egomaniac strikes again. The one who thinks he is so good in bed, that he knew you’d be back for more. Nope: you’re back to report blood test results.

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I’m not surprised

You may find out, much to your dismay, that you dated a couple of slut-shamers. These men will make some remark about how you had this coming.

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Mr. Me too

Some men might report that they, too, have the STD. Who knows if you gave it to them, or they gave it to you, but they see this as a chance for the two of you to get laid right now, without worrying about infecting somebody.

Frustrated/angry black woman, fingers in ears

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So you’re the one

There may be one guy who recently got the news that he, too, has the STD. And he might want to spread his wrath.

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Oh, wait…

That guy might quickly realize that he could have given it to you, and then he’ll feel like a moron.

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Oh, I’ve had these symptoms…

A lot of guys don’t like going to the doctor, so they’ll use you as a doctor. They’ll list every physical sensation they’ve had in the last six months, from gas to graying hair, and ask if it could be the STD.