Anxious Thoughts That Are Ruining Your Love Life
How many times have you sat down to set up an online dating profile and found that your fingers were frozen in fear? Before you so much as fill out your first name and the city in which you live, your brain is filled with horrific scenarios. You think of all the ways things could go wrong, before you even consider the ways things could go very right. If you’re someone who struggles with social anxiety, or you’re slightly insecure, it’s easy to let irrational fears dictate your life. I don’t say your fears are irrational because they won’t happen—in fact, they very well might happen!—I say they are irrational because they are not good reasons to not pursue your own happiness. They’re irrational because they won’t kill you, and yet because of them, you’re not really living. Here are 15 anxious thoughts that are ruining your love life.
I’m too wild for anyone to love
You love to party. Your social calendar is always full. You’re free-spirited and very spontaneous. That’s scary to men, right? Wrong! There are plenty of men who seek out that energy! And if a man is afraid of your wild spirit, he was wrong for you, but there was nothing wrong with you.
I’m too boring for anyone to love
Maybe you like to go to bed by 10 pm on a Friday. Maybe really great coupons excite you. Maybe spicy food gives you indigestion. Will a 30-something-year old man want to date the 70-year-old woman living inside of you? The right one will see you as responsible and comfortable in your own skin.
I have a riddled past
You have more notches on your belt than you can count. Oh, and some of your exes are in rehab or psychiatric centers now. You’re terrified that a man will find out about your past and leave you. Well, time to get over that fear because your past isn’t going anywhere, but the right man will admire how much you’ve learned from it.
What if my date offends me?
You’ve seen the viral articles about Tinder dates who sent women terrible, misogynistic, and even sexually violent messages. How can you avoid those? Well, beyond some really good filtering, you can’t guarantee that you’ll avoid those experiences. But you should remember that you’re very strong, and probably already have survived experiences like that.
I can’t have one more hookup go nowhere
Every time you sleep with a man and the relationship ends up going nowhere, you feel like you gave a piece of yourself away and you just don’t want to do it again. Honestly, stop thinking of it that way! This is the freaking 21st century. I promise you that the men you’ve slept with don’t feel like they carry a piece of you with them. You did what you had to do to be in the moment, go with the flow, and see if this could be something. Have no regrets.
How do I explain my long-term single status?
You think that, since you’ve been single for a while, men will assume it’s because you’re difficult or undateable. A smart man will see the fact that you’ve been single for years and think, “She’s not afraid to be alone. She won’t settle for less than she deserves so that she can have a relationship status.”
I might come on too strong
Maybe in the past, you’ve told men you liked them or asked men on a second date, and they freaked out. Guess what? They’re immature little boys who aren’t ready to deliver for a woman who is ready to receive. Those guys could only handle flighty, flaky, half-interested women because those were the only women they couldn’t disappoint. Good riddance to them.
I may not send strong enough signals
If you’re a little shy or going slow is more your style, the right guy will respect that. If a man is right for you, and he is confident in his ability to make you happy, he won’t spook just because you aren’t all over him. He’ll take his time with you. He’ll put in the work. Remember, taking things slow and being a cold b-tch are two different things, so don’t assume you’re the second one.
Commitment is terrifying
Here’s a secret that needs to stop being a secret; when you meet the right person, commitment isn’t scary. You don’t even notice when commitment happens. You just wake up one day and know you can’t see your life without this person. You don’t see commitment to them as a burden but as a blessing. So if commitment feels scary with somebody, he’s not right for you. Plain and simple.
If I can just lose 3 pounds
Life changes constantly, and a lot more than your weight will change in the years you spend with a husband or life partner. You’ll have times you work so hard you constantly have dark circles. There will be times you can’t brush your hair for two days. There will be weeks you look damn fine. Your physical appearance will not be static, so let it go.
What if we run out of things to talk about
You might run out of things to talk about. Correction: you will. It might happen on a first date or three years into the relationship. But if you’re with the right person, you don’t notice. It passes. So this is a silly fear.
I’d make the worst roommate
You’re messy, forgetful, bad at cooking, don’t know how to fix anything and play weird music. Well, guess what? Nobody wants to be with someone who is clean, organized and a great chef if they’re the wrong match for them. Your partner isn’t looking for a perfect roommate; he’s looking for his soul mate, messy or not.
I’d make the worst wife
This is an extension of the bad roommate fear. But the concept of a “good wife” is absurd. You don’t transform when you become somebody’s wife. When a man marries you, it’s because he just wants to make sure the woman he already knows and loves becomes part of his family. If he decided to marry you, then you’re already a good wife.
My network will be too hard on my boyfriend
Is your family highly critical? Do you have some seriously protective male friends? Do you have pretentious coworkers? Guess what? The right partner will put up with them. In fact, he’ll probably get a kick out of them.
He’ll interfere with my career
This is a moot point. The right partner will naturally enhance your career. Even if he takes a little time out of your schedule, the energy and creativity he gives you will be immeasurable.