Having regular sex has been proven to have hundreds of beneficial side effects. It can help lower your blood pressure, relieve you of stress, and even reduce the risk of certain types of cancer. Then there are all of the magical perks of the orgasm, like the incredible amounts of happy hormones that go surging through your body when you have one, and the general sense of wellbeing that comes after one. So, you don’t want something like low sex drive getting in the way of all of that. Even if you believe none of those points apply to you (but, they do) you still cannot deny the fact that sex is a crucial part of feeling close to your partner. If you and your partner are living together and sleeping together but you’re not sleeping together, haven’t you just become roommates? Don’t ignore a low sex drive—it’s often a symptom of a deeper issue that you should look into. We already dove into the causes of low libido in men so here are the top causes of a low sex drive in women and how to treat them.
Pain during sex
Many women experience discomfort during sex and don’t even realize that’s not normal. Some women struggle to self-lubricate or have a negative reaction to the type of condom they use. Unfortunately, women are often afraid to speak up, thinking they’re just too sensitive, and so they just go on like this. But continuous discomfort in sex is bound to decrease one’s sex drive.
It’s not abnormal to be a young woman who struggles to self-lubricate. Too many women associate this issue with menopause and are embarrassed to admit they struggle with it already in their thirties or forties. But this is something a doctor can easily help you with, so speak up about it next time you’re at the gynecologist. In fact, your gynecologist can probably get to the bottom of whatever issue is causing you discomfort during sex.
Birth control keeps your body from becoming pregnant by pumping out, “Don’t get pregnant!” hormones. Your doctor can put it in more technical terms than that, but basically, the pill messes with your natural hormonal balance. This is bound to throw off your sex drive.
Talk to your doctor about pills that might have a smaller effect on your sex drive. Some pills, for example, that are meant to help clear up acne can kill off too much of your testosterone, thereby killing your sex drive.
Too much alcohol
Studies have shown that more than two alcoholic drinks greatly reduces a woman’s ability to orgasm, and her desire to have sex at all. Not to mention, you know you just end up getting sleepy after drink 3 and don’t feel like doing anything.
If you’re looking for something you can drink or eat to get those relaxing, feel-good chemicals flowing, try dark chocolate, ginger or oysters. Some quality carbs like oatmeal will make you feel happy and relaxed, too.
Plenty of women suffer from vagina insecurity. They worry that their vagina isn’t tight enough, that their vagina smells funny, that their vagina looks funny, that they aren’t good at shaving down there and the list goes on. It is very hard to get in the mood when you suffer from vagina insecurity.
There are a few practical things you can do like stop wearing synthetic underwear that might cause excess sweating down there, and doing Kegels. But beyond that, try this: watch a bunch of adult movies. Yup. I said it. You’ll see that the adult film stars men drool over have vaginas that look just like yours.
Did you ever notice how you can pretty easily wake up a man by giving him a blowjob? He’ll go from dead asleep to awake and hard within seconds. But sex doesn’t quite do the same thing for women. If we’re tired, we’re not banging.
You might have to start having sex in the morning. Oh no—poor you. What a tough way to start your day. Think about it: throughout the day you think about wanting to have sex with your partner. The feeling is still there when you get home and start making dinner. By the time you’ve done the dishes and gotten in bed, you’ve forgotten all about your desire to have sex.
Depression is a big libido killer in both men and women. Depression can kill your sex drive for a number of reasons. If your depression is related to feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, you may not feel that you deserve sex and you may not feel attractive. Depression can also make it difficult to connect with people, and emotional connection is so important for women to want to have sex.
Unfortunately, there is no quick fix for depression, and many antidepressants can also reduce your sex drive. But just know that if you’re with the right partner, they’ll look at the big picture and realize there will be plenty of time to have sex once you’ve healed.
Men may be able to have sex when they’re in a fight with their partners, but women can’t. For the few of you who can, I would like to study you. When you have sex with someone, you feel like you’re giving a giant gift to them. You also feel very vulnerable. Nobody wants to feel either of those things with somebody they’re angry with.
Talk it out—duh! In fact, you may not have realized there were unresolved issues. You can thank your body for letting you know. If you just can’t bring yourself to invest in sex, it could be your body’s way of saying, “Actually, you’re not over that one argument you guys had last week.”
Just feeling distant
Even the strongest couples can feel distant from time to time. Life can get chaotic, your schedules can become so busy that you’re like two ships passing in the night, and even when you’re together, your mind is elsewhere because of all the chaos. Nobody likes to have sex with somebody who they feel distant from. It feels sad.
Remember how somebody (like, everybody) told you that relationships take work? Well, that lesson is knocking on the door. If you feel so distant that you cannot get in the mood, it’s probably time to make some changes. Work part time from home. Schedule a vacation. Say no to more stuff so you can stay home with your honey. It might feel stressful at first to turn down invites, but when those orgasms start rolling back in, you won’t care.