Insane Things Jealousy Makes Us All Do

May 19, 2016  |  
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Shutterstock.com/woman going crazy

Shutterstock.com/woman going crazy

Even the most stable and confident women can get bit by the jealousy monster sometimes. Well, it sort of possesses us more than just bites us. And when it happens, it’s not pretty. Of course, if you do have your two feet planted in reality and aren’t capable of the really crazy things like slashing tires (thank goodness), you might find yourself acting out in strange ways when you’re jealous. Sometimes, all the meditation and affirming texts from our friends just can’t help us shake the suspicion that something is off. And when that happens, we end up doing a little recon work of our own. It’s never very productive, or healthy, but we only find that out once we’ve embarrassed ourselves. Here are some insane things jealousy makes women do.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Make a fake social media profile

Sally from work may no tell you if she’s into your boyfriend, but she might tell Christine—a woman you made up and created a social media profile for, from which you’ll be becoming BFF’s with Sally.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Ask a friend to stalk

If you don’t have it in you to create a social media profile, you might just ask a friend of yours to chat up the woman who you are suspecting is into your boo. If your BFF is as crazy as you, she might just do it.

threesomes

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Suggest a threesome

In a moment of real insanity, you’ll casually float the idea of a threesome with your boo and the woman in question just to see how he reacts. When he freezes in terror, you’ll laugh like it was all a BIG joke and how SILLY he would think you were ever serious.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Call for a social media blackout

When you just can’t stand your partner texting who you think might be the woman in question, you call for a social media blackout. Yeah. A little cleanse from computers, cell phones—the works. It’ll be good for us, you say.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Plan a trip to Europe

You don’t really have the money to go to Europe (or the Bahamas or Alaska or wherever you’ve chosen), but you certainly have the desire to take your man far, far away from that other female. Better to just blow your security savings on this trip than just, oh, you know, ask your partner what’s up.

Jealous women/business co-workers/friends

Shutterstock

Befriend the target, er, woman

Keep your enemies closer, they say. So you become best friends with the woman in question. You will kill her with kindness so that she loves you so much she would never go after your man.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Post a lot of hot selfies

When you’re jealous, you get the sudden urge to post a lot of hot selfies. Poolside in a bikini? Wearing a tiny outfit at the gym? That’s going on Instagram. See how your partner likes all those guys hitting “Like!”

Corbis

Corbis

Plan an excessive number of girl’s nights

That’s right. If your partner is up to something, then you don’t have time for him. Does he want date night? Too bad. You’re booked up for the rest of the month. You’ll be out clubbing every night. You will be painfully hungover at work every day and go broke from the cabs. But it’s worth it to prove your point. What was the point again? Whatever.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Haircuts/coloring

Extreme haircuts or hair coloring are just a staple of any female crisis.

nice guy feat

Get together with an ex

Well, if your boo is going to be friendly with what’s her name, you might just feel like getting drinks with your ex.

 

 

 

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Or with all our male friends

Maybe you just want to get together with all of your male friends at once. Your man isn’t invited. And yeah—you’ll take a lot of selfies kissing these guys on the cheek, sitting on their laps, etc.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Dig up dirt on the target, er, woman

You will casually mention to your man that the woman in question flunked out of college, or has had a lot of sexual partners, or was arrested once. Just in case he was curious.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Fake an illness

Nothing like becoming desperately ill to pull your partner away from anything and anyone else! You’re suddenly coming down with something…he’s going to have to miss the company party and take care of you.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Become an obsessive matchmaker

You are determined to set this other woman up with somebody. You’ve become a maniac, up all night, looking through dating websites, and reaching out to men on her behalf.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

So much shopping

When in doubt, just drop a grand on Amazon Prime. Somehow, a cute bomber jacket makes everything better.

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